ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

After the Rosy Glow Dissipates

Updated on April 30, 2012
Drifting Apart
Drifting Apart

How to Keep the Flame Burning Bright (Uggh!)

All of us have read magazine or online articles about how to spice up a marriage that seems to be petering out. Do not take them to heart. They are based on some kind of Disney fantasy, and, as such are utter nonsense. The authors of these "how to" pieces are writing for people who do not exist in this plane of existence. The authors could be eighteen years old for all we know.

Unlike our primate brothers, human beings develop a deep sense of attachment to their family, but that does not make us monogamous (or bad/evil creatures for being non-monogamous). A lot of men wander away from the nest even before their progeny have reached a point of self-sufficiency (heartless but true).

Relationships that last decades start to point toward mutual dependency on a psychological level. Men are built to impregnate as many females as possible. Women are built to carefully select one male who can be relied on to bring home a sturgeon or several plump trout, and is at least kind toward the children. This notion of maintaining a sense of romantic love over a period of decades is an absurd myth.

Don't mistake this with the fact that you can find couples who have stayed together with the false, outward face that they remain romantically in love. At the least, these couples have twin beds or entirely separate bedrooms, or the male will make a habit of sipping his whiskey then curl up on the couch.

All of this may sound utterly gloomy, but in actuality it isn't. The entire night-time routine is just part of a process that neither party even thinks about. Sometimes it happens sooner, sometimes it happens later. But, writing and publishing tips for those with diminished libidos is unhelpful. They create a kind of "Wizard of Oz" world where anything is possible if we just tap our ruby shoes together enough times.

The problem is that some uneducated (or half educated) people will read these "rekindle your relationship" articles with a misplaced sense of hope and glee. And I'm here to announce to you that the entire pitch is hog wash. Most of these points have been regurgitated over and over. They didn't work for prior generations, so why should they work for us? Skip this fluff entirely and read something warranting deep contemplation.

If you are a young couple and find yourselves in an ebbing flame mode, and may be contemplating divorce because of it -- I can tell you flat out -- don't bother. You'll face the same situation in marriage number two, three, four, etc.

If you are an older couple, you've probably adjusted to the lack of intimacy. At first it isn't easy, but over the years it doesn't seem like any big deal.

This short synopsis doesn't address the million and one reasons why couples should divorce. But strictly on the subject of intimacy, if the embers finally go out, it's still worth sticking with the marriage even though there is no romance. Consistency, reliability, dedication, honesty are not easy to estimate.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • hawkdad73 profile image

      hawkdad73 6 years ago from Riverside, Iowa

      This is a great hub. My wife has come to terms with the fact that we have a "separate bed" marriage. I think people need to think that romance is or should be an undying bond that lasts through the millennia (who has the energy!)

    • alexandra-t profile image

      alexandra-t 6 years ago

      i agree with your comment. perhaps i was too quick to jump to conclusions after reading your article. =)

    • rjbatty profile image
      Author

      rjbatty 6 years ago from Irvine

      alexandra-t: I like to think of it as a realistic depiction of romance and fidelity. I am basing it on what I have seen, heard, read, plus my own experience. What I did hope to achieve (but seemed to fail at) was suggesting that romances are destined to fade, but that's okay because they're still many elements that make staying together worth while. I simply think that the articles published by eighteen-year-olds about keeping the torches lit into old age are unrealistic and kind of offensive. There are attributes beyond mere passion that create a cemented relationship.

    • alexandra-t profile image

      alexandra-t 6 years ago

      this is a rather negative article...but of course, to each his own =)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)