- HubPages»
- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
All Night Long?? Do People Still Have Sex For Hours Straight?
Do you remember what foreplay used to be? The time you and your partner spent caressing one another and kissing like high school kids. Do you remember the sensual massages, the strawberries and cream? Do you remember taking a half hour just to light candles all around your room and lay flower petals around? Do you remember making sure you were groomed just right and smelled like every last morsel of you could be eaten?
Those days are so far gone, I can barely remember their existence. It's not anyone's fault really. Things have just changed. Who has the time for all of the foreplay of the past? As the mother to three very active children, who goes to school and works full time, foreplay has a brand new meaning for me. I literally don't have the time or the patience for the old pampering, however nice it may be. If I get a sensual massage, I may fall asleep before it's done. If he gives me a drink at home and dim the lights, I'll be into a great night's sleep before he got the chance to cuddle next to me. If he brings strawberries and whipped cream to the bed, chances are I am going to be thinking about the mess I will have to clean up the following day.
I sound a bit ungrateful. I sound like I don't care to put in the effort. I sound like I am not interested in keeping a man interested. Truth is, foreplay just happens in a different way now and it doesn't just take place the two hours before sex actually happens, it takes place all day long. If I get up in the morning and the kids are already dressed and have eaten breakfast, oh I'm noticing. If I get to the cleaners and my blouses are already picked up, loosen the collar, it's getting warm. If the trash is already by the curb, I'm trying to remember if I'm baby smooth. If I get home and the kids are starting their homework and the sitter is has already been relieved, my panties are halfway to the floor. And if I got in and dinner was already made, and it wasn't Cheetos and ice cream, we may as well go straight into the bedroom (or closet, bathroom, garage, back of the truck, wherever is kid free).
Getting ready for sex no longer requires him to play with my hair or break out all the oils or going through ALL of the bases til you're ready to come home, Don't get me wrong though, I don't disavow all of those things altogether, I just don't have as much time as I used to. Whenever there is time, I would love to have a massage or have a drink. Those things are still sexy and they are still relaxing and they still help to get the mood started, even if I start off not in the mood, but they aren't a requirement.
Foreplay itself was two hours. Sex used to be all through the night and only stopping for bathroom and water breaks, but I wonder if people still have sex all night long? I have a lot of things on my mind for the next day and while I have no issue being in the moment, I don't want to have sex all night. I want to sleep. I need to sleep. Chances are I was up since 6 am like every other day and wrestling with children. Is that terrible? I feel like such a guy when I think these things. I feel that with my new terms for foreplay, time is actually saved when it comes time to "get it in," because he has been prepping me all day. He's got me one hundred percent invested for about thirty to forty-five minutes on a regular night. Don't showboat, just get 'er done. If we went out and had a few drinks or I managed to stay awake during drink time at home, he's got way more time to play, but still not all night. If we are both off in the morning and there are no kids home (how often does that happen), great, we can go for a couple rounds.
Doing it all requires so much from a mom and it can be incredibly hard to balance. Any way you prefer your foreplay and sex time, it's vital to have it. A healthy relationship needs it to thrive. If all of the foreplay ways of the past don't work for you, find your new triggers. It makes things so much easier when you know what helps turn you on.
Comments
- Author
I love your comment Brian, thank you. i agree, sometimes something may need to be put on the back burner in order for something to be resolved that's been neglected longer. The partnership and communication is where it all comes together. And you're right, listening to and acting on cues can alleviate so much stress and worry.
I get off work later than my boyfriend and we have 3 children together. At first, he'd call and ask what I wanted for dinner and if i said i didn't know, he'd wait for me to get home so we could decide together. that was terrible because now I'm home from work, the kids haven't eaten, which means showers haven't started...and on and on. When he realized and we talked about how much more time we could have together if he took care of that stuff before I came home, it made a world of difference. Or I'll take something out to defrost before I go to work and he'll cook it when he gets home and vice versa or on early days, we'll cook together.
Sometimes all it takes is an honest conversation and a glimpse at what could be, and things take a turn for the better. Thank you for reading!
There is some sad truth to what you wrote in a lot of relationships. My wife and I experienced this for years. We still want the passion but her mind is full of tasks and the worry just kills it all. The kitchen is dirty, the kids need a ride tomorrow for some extra activity, when is the last time the floor was vacuumed?
Well, I am happy to say that we found the fire again, after 17 years of marriage. I have to work notice the little things she likes, to help remove the worries. And she has to realize that my little things matter too, and the little things I am worried about only needs to take 10-15 minutes if time is short. After a while it is no longer work for either of us. I guess I would advocate the fake it till you make it philosophy on this one. Just sit down and promise to make the effort for each other's needs and then talk about the "wins" often to create a positive feedback loop.
The fire and passion, though, is through making the time to go all out. Maybe its a drinks and a naughty movie, maybe its a massage with some aromatherapy, maybe its using Uber to go get drinks out on the town and head home for some wild passion. All of these take time, but so does everything else worth doing.
Not everything can always get done, if the kitchen got cleaned once in 4 days, of 4 times in 4 days, at the end of both four day periods it is in the same state, but one of those only half the time was spent cleaning. Sometimes a person needs to focus on one thing that hasn't gotten done in a while and do it to the detriment of other things. One spring day the garage might get cleaned, together, for hours. One summer night in the hot tub, we might howl with the coyotes with a glass of wine and bottle of whipped cream, for hours.
Sigh. Okay so... I'm not yet a mom but I'll speak my piece regardless. So here's the thing, I NEED foreplay. There is no way that I can get into "it" without "it". Back in my very scary single days I would ask, " Where's your ticket? " Foreplay was your admission. There was no ride (wink wink) without it. I can admit to being extremely busy now. My mind moves at lot faster than I ever could. I'd even admit to thinking about my next move while my partner was making their best move. Shoot me (Kanye Shrug)! I'm no spring chicken, but I have to have my appetizer, still. It is possible that my little ones will completely ruin this for me. I'll come back then for that update.
- Author
Thank you. Kids are absolutely awesome but can definitely put a strain on a relationship. Once kids come along, it's almost another job to keep your relationship spicy and fun. But well worth the work.
Hi recognizing102. I think this is a great topic. It seems like when kids come into the picture our time is more and more limited, but it is important to keep romance going in a relationship, even when the kiddies come along, but it takes commitment in doing so. Great post!
dashingscorpio, you couldn't have said it any better! Took the words right out of my head. Hard truth is that half of couples do suffer in silence, it just wouldn't be fare, on both behalf's. I believe it's best for that person to stick to what she believes in, and i'm more than positive 'those' still exist. jxo
- Author
dashingscorpio, I agree. I used to have all night long sex in the beginning of relationships. But that, for me, was back in the days when I was completely carefree and didn't have anything to really think about. I have so much more to do nowadays that I just don't feel like it anymore. Like I said, if my new version of foreplay has been played out all day, I will have great satisfaction and a great time without it being a second job. I definitely have to read your article on this. Thank you very much for your feedback!!
I think (new couples) tend to put a lot more effort into "setting the stage" for a night of romance and passionate sex. Most couples who have been together for awhile (2 years or more) rarely make sex a big production. They tend to settle into a routine of 1-2 "go to" moves. Usually one half of the couple quietly suffers in silence longing for the way things use to be and the other half points out how "unrealistic" they are. Awhile back I wrote a hub about this topic. Oddly enough the cycle repeats itself if a couple splits up and begins dating (new) people.
We do more to "impress" the (new) than we do for the "tried and true". https://hubpages.com/relationships/SecretLoversCal...
8