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All Women Are [Fill In The Blank] and Other Silly Generalizations Made in the Dating World...Why Does It Occur?

Updated on June 3, 2014

The Issues Behind Relationship Problems...Why Is It That So?

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I Have Encountered The Craziness of Social Media

Earlier this morning, I was Instagram and one of my followers has been posting a lot of pictures and words about his dating issues. As he post them, he would use words like "b****es" and "females" to describe the opposite gender as well as took screenshots of his text and Facebook messages in an effort to "expose" his arguments with the women that he was seeing as well as their phone numbers. Then just today, he posted that all women are B's and whores and no woman can ever change his outlook. While I wrote another hub about good guys dating bad girls and vice versa, which is right here, his silly generalizations about women had me thinking: who determines accountability in a choice of a mate? And how do we heal from dealing with one failed relationship after another? Do we let those people control our lives or you learn from it and move on?

Remember, YOU chose to be with him or her...

What some people fail to realize is that in life, we make decisions on who to be with. After all, we do not live in a society in which arranged marriages are common. We meet people, we get to know them for who they are. Upon getting to know them, often times there are warning signals behind the rose-tinted glasses that he or she is displaying. Those warning signals are often ignored because in our heads, we only see what we want to see. What does that mean? It means that whatever the rose-tinted glasses make us see regardless of the red flags, we choose to ignore. Why we chose to ignore? There are many reasons, such as lust (particularly men), hoping to change him or her, underestimating the extent of the red signals with the thought "he or she cannot be that bad" and willing to just settle for whoever came their way without considering whether or not this person fits into your life.

When it becomes a pattern to be in one failed relationship after another...

While we as human beings have a fair share of dealing with bad relationships, it offers a lesson in life on learning from it as well as improving yourself. However, the young man in Instagram shifts the majority of the blame of his relationship drama onto the women. The whole time I was thinking: what was your part in the fail of those relationships? And most importantly, what do you have to offer? And if the same problem occurs, is it a possibility that it is you with a problem? He is not the only person in the world who goes through this, but he is a prime example of a person who lacks self-accountability as well as a false sense of entitlement. Whenever there is a pattern, the shift of the blame has to be the person with the pattern because there is something about him or her that keeps attracting the same people over and over again. He or she have to look very deep into themselves to look exactly why they chose these people in your life. Is it because of childhood trauma? Is it the parents' relationship that made him or her deficient in certain areas? Or having unrealistic expectations? And is it previous bad relationships?

Who is in control of your life? YOU ARE!

Just remember this: you are in control of your destiny. The issues behind those bad relationships should not, I repeat should not allow you to become a bitter and judgmental person. By doing that, you are basically allowing those people to control your life! You determine your own happiness and positive thoughts. Like a YouTuber TonyaTko said, "loving someone" and "trusting someone is not the worst thing in the world to do". What she meant was that situation with opening your heart and then being hurt is a lesson to how to grow as a person. We all get hurt and used at least once in our lives. It happens. It is what you decide to deal with that pain. Being bitter does not heal your pain, it only enhances it.

My Final Thoughts:

The young man is obviously very bitter. By exposing personal messages from his ex's, calling women derogatory names and making generalizations, he is turning potentially good women away from him. Even if they never saw his page, his negative energy can turn them away. Being bitter, like TonyaTko said is easy because it deflects you from looking within yourself as to why you go into bad relationships. It is also easy to shift blame because it is very difficult to look inside yourself. As human beings, we all have flaws and we often do not like to look "bad". However, in order to grow and have a happy and loving relationship, you have confront those issues head on so you can find true happiness.


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    • shaynadc89 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shayna Cacho 

      5 years ago from Brooklyn, NY, Living in Delaware

      @dashingscorpio Interesting title of a book! I will definitely check that out! It is great that there is something for people, whether it is a book, YouTube vids and Hubpages to learn from others' situations so they don't have to go through being bitter about love and life. It is also great to spread that wisdom and knowledge because what use would it be if we keep it to ourselves?

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 years ago

      You're welcome!

      I actually talk about this subject in my book. My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany). It took me many years before I got to the point where I realized my happiness in relationships is not based upon the other person but rather my (selecting) the "right person" for myself to begin with! :-)

      http://www.amazon.com/Cat-Wont-Bark-Relationship-E...

    • shaynadc89 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shayna Cacho 

      5 years ago from Brooklyn, NY, Living in Delaware

      @dashingscorpio Yep that is definitely right on the money in terms of learning how to make better choices in relationships! And you also brought an excellent point in the reasoning due to protection from being hurt and giving up on love.

      The person has to realize their power in determining their happiness in love and other areas of their life. Some people don't come to those realizations because of the hurt and pain of looking within their own selves. Both realizing their power and self-reflection is not an easy thing to do at all and it takes time to reach that point. But like you said with buying an onion instead of an apple, he or she has to learn from the situation to be a better shopper...or dater!

      Thanks you for your feedback, as well as your great insight! : )

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 years ago

      "Remember, YOU chose to be with him or her..." Excellent point!

      I have said this time and time again: If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead...Whose fault is that? Do you blame the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a better shopper!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no getting around this fact. If you're unhappy with (your choices) you have to learn to make better ones.

      The reason why men and women proclaim; "All (blank) are ...etc" is because they've given up on finding someone who is the opposite of what they have experienced. It's also used to "protect" themselves from getting "too close" to anyone. Much like the statement: "Once a cheater always a cheater". To believe that a person can quit using drugs, quit smoking, or quit drinking but are "powerless" when it comes to quitting cheating makes no logical sense! However the real reason people say this is because (they) don't want to "risk" getting hurt again.

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