All about your Ex (Don't waste your time waiting for someone)

Finding a way out of the darkness for a jilted lover is never an easy task. 

Seriously, there are few things more annoying than hearing someone whine over and over again about their ex. The old saying goes, "they are your ex for a reason!" How much more truthful can that statement be? This is an article written for all of you out there that have to listen to your friends, siblings, or heaven forbid, your lover talk about their exes over and over again. I was inspired to write this due to the fact that I receive a lot of questions from friends in search of advice.

Let's get one thing straight, though. I have absolutely NO problems listening to my friends about their issues. That is the point of being a good friend. (Being there for them in good times AND bad) The problem that I have with the whole thing, is that it usually ends up turning into a "bitch" session and them pining over a lost lover and what they could have done to keep them. Sigh... I end up playing the role of a psychiatrist instead of a friend. This annoys me to no end!

This is just one of the many feelings an ex-lover will experience.

My advice to you based on things I've heard from the people I care about in my life, is that people tend to do stupid things when they are jealous. Things to put themselves in danger both physically and mentally. It seems that the common cure for jealousy, is to run out and try to sleep with the first-person giving you any attention. That is pretty much the worst thing you could do for not only your health, but your self worth is well.

People always tend to overlook the one thing that is strongest in a relationship. The one thing that really holds a relationship together, and keeps two people on an even level. That thing I am talking about is communication. Believe it or not, lovers tend to lose their ability to communicate with one another as time goes by. That is the number one thing you need to work on if you are having feelings of jealousy. If you find yourself with a partner who is unwilling to communicate, you should show yourself the door and end things as quickly as possible. I would advise this of course, only after you have tried repeatedly to talk to the person you are in a relationship with.

Try to see things from their perspective. Maybe they have critical thoughts about you that they have kept inside? The only way of knowing, is to talk about it. We as human beings have been blessed rich, intricate languages that can be used to describe every feeling imaginable. Use it!!!

Well, we have experienced this feeling more than once in our lifetime.

There are so many things that can cause anger this day and age, but I am here to talk only about the anger that a partner in a relationship can cause. Like jealousy, anger can cause us to do pretty dumb things as well. Some examples of this would be:

-Drinking way too much

The combination of anger and intoxication is a very bad one for most. People under the influence of both of these factors usually end up in fights, are more prone to suicide and self-mutilation, and at the very least, wake up feeling far worse than they did the day before.

-Up all night with constant, Negative thoughts

This can affect you adversely in many more ways than one. Your sleep suffers, therefore your ability to function has been compromised. Lack of sleep over time can leave you more prone to anxiety, high blood pressure, weight gain and the use of drugs and alcohol.

Anger is in an emotion that can be easily dealt with using the correct strategies. Some use the term "anger management" loosely, but it is a very real therapy for a very real problem.

There are also many ways you can learn to calm yourself down without professional help. (deep breathing, thought distraction etc.)

I would also like to say, I am NOT a professional....

I do, however, consider myself intelligent and levelheaded. With that said, I am honored when a friend in need drops by or calls me for advice with a personal matter. I am more than happy to contribute my two cents, and give them the best advice possible.

I do have one question for you readers, though. When someone offers you their advice, and deep down you know they are right, please please PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM! If you come to that same person a week, two weeks or two months later with the same issue, they will probably sigh, and may be a bit offended. If you find yourself with the same problems over and over again, you are the only one to blame.

I can't tell you how important it is to not only listen, but TAKING ACTION! If something isn't working for you, you need to change it. Someone else can't change it for you. Please think about that.