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Dating Faux Pas

Updated on March 18, 2019
Anafa Siegel profile image

My now husband and I blundered through the stages of dating and kept missing out on meeting as we’d repeatedly show up at different locales

Poor Communication

Source

Not connecting/ Finally connecting

I knew my husband and his prior wife long before we began our dating fiasco. Our circles and paths criss-crossed over several intersecting dots over the years. I never found him to be attractive nor was he attracted to me. We spent time getting to know each other as professionals in the human service field and I remember renting office space from him early in my career.

Many times at the end of a night of sessions we’d chat professionally and then we‘d leave and lock up and he'd head for home to go to his wife and family and I’d head home to my family. There was a sympatico connection we shared and were aware of.

Many years later we had fallen out of touch and I’d heard that he was divorced and I wasn’t dating at that time, so I looked him up and phoned him to see if he was up to reconnecting over a glass of wine. He sounded pleased to hear from me as I was to hear his voice. We agreed to meet at a local pub, and as I’d awaited his arrival in the parking lot, I noticed that I was anxious; expectant yet scared at the same time. It turned out that he went to a different pub but finally arrived and we followed one another to a cozy and romantic restaurant. We enjoyed a good meal, really interesting conversation and I began to feel an attraction to him and was preparing to plan for a second date. At the end of the meal he disclosed that he’d begun dating a woman and wished to pursue that relationship. Needless to say I felt disappointed and crushed but handled the rejection gracefully. We hugged tenderly and said goodbyes and I wondered what it would have been like to have dated him.

A few years later I joined a dating site and noticed his pseudonym and contacted him. He couldn’t remember who I was initially but when he did recall me we agreed to meet for lunch at a local Mexican cafe we were familiar with. He again sounded glad to hear from me as I was glad that he agreed to meet up again. Again I awaited his arrival, ate my food and paid my bill and he never arrived. I later received a call that he’d been waiting at the wrong cafe across town and realized too late that he missed me, and apologized. These mishaps happened quite routinely as we began to date.

The other issue is that we would have a great date and at the end he’d say he was moving on to date other women.

The reason I kept in touch is because I knew that he was my one.

Waiting for one another at the wrong locale became a part of our dating history and we now can look back and laugh at the numerous mishaps.

Dating took many twists and turns and sometimes he was ready to commit and I wasn’t sure and at other times I’d be sure and he wasn’t. We walked parallel paths that barely intersected.

It took us about five years of intermittent dating to come to a mutual place of commitment. I said I was tired of the back and forth and decided to end the relationship and was leaving and he pleaded with me to stay. I agreed following his marriage proposal even though I’d learned to be mistrustful Of the longevity of the commitment.

On the day of our wedding my ambivalence shone through as I hesitated to walk through the threshold to join him in marriage. The guests waited, I felt anxious and everyone let out a sigh of relief as I stepped forward and took his hand in mine.

Weve now been married for ten years and sometimes still arrive at different locations for date night, but we are no longer leading parallel lives and are intertwined like the bands of a dna strand and have many fond memories to look back upon.

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    • profile image

      Francine Glasser 

      13 months ago

      Thank you for your thought out comments which gave me pause. Yet are true. We almost didn’t make it happen

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      13 months ago from Chicago

      Without a doubt "diehard romantics" will love this article.

      Unfortunately such fairytale endings are (the exception) and not the rule. Nevertheless romance novels and Hollywood movies sell us on the idea of "destiny" and "romanticizing obstacles".

      In your case when you met him he was already married. After his divorce he wanted to pursue a relationship with another woman and years later you found him on a dating site and began dating.

      However once he began to (choose you) that's when you became uncertain about him....etc. The "seesaw" effect in action.

      Just as with most romance movies nothing is ever a "straight line". People come to expect and even welcome (drama, bad timing, and even breakups & makeups) as stepping stones to forever after. Audiences love mishaps with happy endings.

      Hopefully your readers don't overlook the fact that it was YOU who made your happiness happen and not just some random coincidence or "destiny". You heard he was divorced and "looked him up". Years later you joined a dating site and YOU looked him up again. Had you not took (action) there's a different ending.

      "The reason I kept in touch is because I knew that he was my one."

      There are many women who will tell the world they are (waiting) for God to send them a husband. It's the equivalent of dreaming and praying to win the lottery but never buying a ticket.

      James 2:17

      ".... faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone."

      The law of attraction does not replace the law of action.

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