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Am I Hiding??

Updated on August 9, 2010

So many years
of giving and giving.
So many tears
and sleepless nights.

Always afraid,
waiting and wondering.
It didn't seem fair,
my heart needed a rest.

I felt at a stand still,
time waits for no one,
life whirling around me,
What could I have done?

I gave from my heart,
I gave it my all to
Family and friends,
til it was all gone.

I was empty,
I was lost,
my tears wouldn't stop
I gave it my all
no matter the cost.

But what good am I
if I have nothing to give,
so tired of feeling
the pain that I lived.

So I checked out
of my life back there
and started a new one,
far away where
I can breathe,
I can laugh,
I can take care of me.

I am now in a place
away from it all.
I have finally found
a soft place to fall.

Many have said ,
You are brave,
You are wise,
take care of yourself.
Enjoy your life
you deserve to be happy,
you deserve not to cry.

Yet still from the distance
my heart strings are pulled.
By loved ones passing,
by friends that are ill.

Will I go back,?
No I cannot!
I am so tired of crying,
so tired of the pain,
so tired of aching,
of watching,
as kids ruin their lives,
of talking and pleading
and begging for life
to have some meaning,
your young,
your not thinking
of what is ahead.

So am I hiding?
Am I running away?
Or guarding my heart
in a positive way?
I can't change things for them,
I can't live their lives,
I can't save them from the choices or strife.

I love them,
I miss them,
but on their own two feet
they must stand.
They can do it,
I have faith,
and solidly they will land.

As for me, I am happy,
I am laughing,
in this place where I am.
For the first time ever
I love the person I have found
here inside of me
and my spirit has rebound.

I am free to do and say
and live as I please.
Without worries pulling
from directions untold,
I am free to be me
and watch my life unfold.

I am full once again,
no more running on empty,
no more tears every night.
Just the gentle whisper
of a happy heart,
of a spirit free and soaring,
no longer in fright.





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    • Laura du Toit profile image

      Laura du Toit 6 years ago from South Africa

      Everyone deserves ro be free and happy - even if it means letting go of what we hold dear - if they are standing in your path to feeling fulfilled and whole. We cannot make other people happy if we outselves are caught in a web of unhappiness.

      Beautiful touching poem!

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you for stopping in and for your nice comment. This poem just touches the surface of the feelings I have inside. I am so much happier and lighter, I miss my family but the distance is good for all of us. Thanks again!!

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 6 years ago

      This is wonderfull, and difficult to read too. Women are so much more inclined to give so much . Some of us men know that, not many of us acknowledge it , I'm going to go tell my wife , somehow, that I appreciate what she gives.........

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you ahorseback, I do so appreciate that you stopped in to read my poem. This is why I write my feelings, that what I write may touch someone. Yes, please do find a way to tell her, I am sure she deserves it and would very much appreciate that you recognize and appreciate her giving. Thanks for your special comment.

    • RunAbstract profile image

      RunAbstract 6 years ago from USA

      This is so beautiful! Such expression is a wonderful thing. And thank you for sharing it! While reading this I felt your pain, your resolve, your strenght! I wish you all good things!

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you Runabstract!!! I seem to do better writing my feelings, my heart, than speaking them. One thing is for sure my resolve has strengthened immensely and for that I am so grateful. Thank you for your comment and for your good wishes, I wish you all good things as well!! I always appreciate the fact that others would stop in and read my hubs!! Thank you so much!!

    • profile image

      "Quill" 6 years ago

      Thank you for giving and thank you for finding the way as you have. Love the growth and the pleasure you have found in yourself again.

      A new fan has been added.

      Blessings

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you Quill!! I don't expect 'Thanks' for giving, it is who I am and I love it. Finding the way on the other hand has been a long haul for me. But for the first time in so many, many years I am happy and enjoying life. Glad to have you as a new fan, 'Welcome!' Thank you for stopping in and for your kind comment. Blessings to you as well!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      Hi singlemomat52, Really enjoyed your work, a subject very close to my heart. I have also found my way and I am happy from within. Beautiful, meaningful words. I'm glad I found you on here and I'll be back in a bit tp read more pf your work. Take care and God bless.

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you, still have not got to your Hubs, But I promise you I will!!! Thank you for your comment and I am so glad that you are happy from within now!! Have you read The Secret??? Wonderful book, would be a great book for you to read. It's not long but very easy to understand and put into action! Nice to have you on board as a Hubber and a fan!! God Bless!!

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 6 years ago from Great Britain

      AWesome. So full of deep feeling.You´ve been fighting within yourself because you love so much, but you need to win the fight for YOUR side for YOU. Beautiful lady. I think you are a gem. dim x God bless

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Aww, Thank you Dim!!! I am finally fighting for me, and winning, after so many, many years!! I am happy where I am at and getting better each day. And I expect it to get even better!!!!!!! I always look forward to you reading my Hubs. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for a beautiful comment!! God bless! xxxxxxx

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 6 years ago

      I actually read is again because It's so true, I am glad you finally have serenity and happiness.

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you, I am glad too!! It is a whole different world!! I love it!!!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 6 years ago

      Keep soaring. Keep finding you in you! Be at peace...and soar!

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      I am Micky Dee, it is amazing this life I can call my own now. I do so enjoy my freedom and the peace I have found. Thank you for stopping in and for your lovely comment.

    • gr82bme profile image

      gr82bme 6 years ago from USA

      Great read. I am happy I found it.

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Thank you for reading and for your nice comment!!!

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      I believe there is a time in everyone's life, when they have to withdraw from everyone and everything, to recovery from life's assaults.

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      Very well said 2besure, I agree with you. Thanks for stopping in and for your comment.

    • profile image

      summertime8 6 years ago

      Wow, wow, wow. When we look after ourselves and are happy ourselves it always benifits others. If everybody did this the world would be in a better place.Too many people are doing what they think they should do. They get all bitter and they end up messing with people even when they don't mean to. Happy people don't do that!!

    • singlmomat52 profile image
      Author

      singlmomat52 6 years ago

      I am so much better and I thank you for your comment. So true, I did do what I thought I should and it always seemed to backfire. I was never vindictive or mean, just trying to do the right thing for everyone but me. Glad you stopped in, Thanks again!!

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