Am I Hiding??

So many years
of giving and giving.
So many tears
and sleepless nights.

Always afraid,
waiting and wondering.
It didn't seem fair,
my heart needed a rest.

I felt at a stand still,
time waits for no one,
life whirling around me,
What could I have done?

I gave from my heart,
I gave it my all to
Family and friends,
til it was all gone.

I was empty,
I was lost,
my tears wouldn't stop
I gave it my all
no matter the cost.

But what good am I
if I have nothing to give,
so tired of feeling
the pain that I lived.

So I checked out
of my life back there
and started a new one,
far away where
I can breathe,
I can laugh,
I can take care of me.

I am now in a place
away from it all.
I have finally found
a soft place to fall.

Many have said ,
You are brave,
You are wise,
take care of yourself.
Enjoy your life
you deserve to be happy,
you deserve not to cry.

Yet still from the distance
my heart strings are pulled.
By loved ones passing,
by friends that are ill.

Will I go back,?
No I cannot!
I am so tired of crying,
so tired of the pain,
so tired of aching,
of watching,
as kids ruin their lives,
of talking and pleading
and begging for life
to have some meaning,
your young,
your not thinking
of what is ahead.

So am I hiding?
Am I running away?
Or guarding my heart
in a positive way?
I can't change things for them,
I can't live their lives,
I can't save them from the choices or strife.

I love them,
I miss them,
but on their own two feet
they must stand.
They can do it,
I have faith,
and solidly they will land.

As for me, I am happy,
I am laughing,
in this place where I am.
For the first time ever
I love the person I have found
here inside of me
and my spirit has rebound.

I am free to do and say
and live as I please.
Without worries pulling
from directions untold,
I am free to be me
and watch my life unfold.

I am full once again,
no more running on empty,
no more tears every night.
Just the gentle whisper
of a happy heart,
of a spirit free and soaring,
no longer in fright.