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Am I Wrong!!!!! Sexting

Updated on October 21, 2015

I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 6 years, but through most of these years all he has done is cheat on me. Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of good times. He is very charismatic, outspoken, loud, and funny. He is there for me when I need him, and his sex is really good too!! However, each time I discovered he was cheating I forgave him based on his word that “he would not do it again”. The first couple of years I did not make him suffer for hurting me. When I say "make him suffer"; I mean I did not leave him, stop talking to him, or even cheat on him. I loved him and had hope that he would change in fear of losing me. It was I, however, that lost myself by allowing his actions to take me places I never wanted to explore.

I can say that his continuous cheating was my fault because I never gave him any consequences for actions. Maybe if I would have distanced myself from him for long periods of time, or given him an ultimatum; well, I did give him ultimatum’s. They did not work, then maybe he would have thought twice before hurting me again. As time went on, I became tiresome of his cheating ways and started to distance myself from him with each occurrence. He would come back to me crying and pleading his love for me, telling me he would never do it again and I would believe him, but all I would receive in return was more heartbreak from more cheating. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or satisfying him, even though he assured me all the time that I was what he wanted. Not to mention, he can barely control himself sexually when he is near me.

After taking him back time-after-time, and I know this is a bad thing; I became use to him cheating. This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. He tells me that he loves me and wants to grow old with me, but he cannot seem to give me the loyalty and faithfulness I deserve. I think to myself, "What should I do?" "I will never find anyone that I love more than him?" "Do you want to go through the process of getting to know someone else, falling in love with them, but not having the same type of feeling and love for them as you did for the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?" “Is there someone else in the world that I could love more than him?” These are the questions I contemplated amongst myself and came to the conclusion that I could not be without this man despite his cheating ways. I love this person. I know his flaws and love him still. He knows my flaws but loves me still. We have experienced all types of things for the first time together, both good and bad. Too me he is irreplaceable, despite his cheating ways and other flaws.

So I first pondered up all the ideas I could to figure out or try to understand why he cheated on me so much. I know it wasn't our sex because we have the best sex in the world. He is the best I have ever had and he says that I am the best he has ever had. I thought, "Maybe he gets tired of having sex with me and needs something else from time-to-time", but then I thought his time-to-times are too often. I tried to come up with every possible excuse I could to understand his disloyalty and unfaithfulness to me. I tried to deny the very reality of his disloyalty and unfaithfulness. The reality was there was nothing wrong with me, it was not something I was doing or not doing. The reality that I was denying and trying to maneuver around was the fact that he lacked confidence and had a low self-esteem. He pours out confidence and most women would want to date him. If I knew he would approve I would post his picture on this article. But, when a man has to get completely dressed and spray on cologne to go to the convenient store right around the corner, there are some issues. Cheating for him or sex shall I say, is self-fulfilling. It makes him feel wanted, loved, appreciated, maybe even special. He also enjoyed the fact of knowing that he could have sex with other women, and the woman that was at home waiting for him, was all for him. What I have taken away from this is the man I have been with for 6 years is selfish and insecure.

We are in year 3, and I find it to be very unfair that I am with a man who is willing to sacrifice me for sex and the company of another. He has this persona of “I can do this and be this way, but you cannot”. I am feeling that if our relationship is so bad, why not just leave me, be single and mess around with all the women you want freely. "There is no one but you for me", he says. "I can't live without you", he says. "I am not going to do it anymore", he says. "I love you too. I do not want to live without you either, but I cannot deal with your cheating ways anymore. And, because I love you and I care about you deeply, before I cheat on you I will leave you first," I said. And so I ended the relationship because I knew the fire I had in my heart to want to hurt him back the same way he hurt me, would hurt him way worse than how he hurt me. I did not want him to experience that type of pain by my hands.

We were broken up a week and within that week I obtained phone numbers from seven different men. This men wanted to build the ground I walk on, as I walked. I never had sex with any of them, just friendly conversation over the phone. Week two of our break up I let one of the seven guys I was conversing with spend a night over to my house; the same house I and my love shared. I am going to be honest. I played like I was having sex over the phone with this guy, on my end I wasn’t, just pretending too. At this point I knew I was fed up and not looking back, so I thought. I walked away from my relationship like it never existed and he did the same. Until one day he received a package in the mail and I had to contact him to pick it. The minute I heard his voice I fell back into a trance. I asked him to come over later when he got off of work. He came and the minute he saw me he started to cry. He told me how much he missed me. I told him how much I missed him. He asked me if I had been talking or conversing with anyone during our breakup, this was maybe week 3 of the breakup. I lied and told him no I had not been talking to anyone. When I lied I did not feel any remorse or bad feelings because I felt he deserved to be lied too.

Later on he found out and was very hurt about the number of guys I had been conversing with and the guy I let spend the night. However, it also seemed to make him better within our relationship because we did get back together. He was more thoughtful, wanted to take me everywhere with him so I wouldn't think he was cheating. He even stayed home more. This lasted a few months then he was back to his old ways. Because I felt bad about the actions I took during the breakup, I looked over his cheating ways for a little while. It came to a point where I felt like I paid for what I did, even though we were broken up. And, when you are broken up with somebody you are single and entitled to do whatever you want. I still kind of felt bad because of the timeframe, but hey. He has cheated on me the entire relationship.


Source

So the next serious break-up lasted for a while and is the main reason for me writing this article. I decided that I was going to do things a bit different this time around. I joined two dating sites and meet a couple of guys. Let me first state, in 6 years I have not physically had sex with any man. However, I was what you call "sexting". Let me first state also, "we were broken up for at least a month and a half this time before I joined the dating sites". I posted pictures nothing provocative or explicit. The pictures were regular and simple, but they drew in a lot of attention from okay and not so okay guys. Those who were okay, I conversed with and even sent them some explicit, provocative pictures. I even met one of the guys from off of the dating site and went out on a movie date, where I saw my ex with another woman. Yesss!!! I saw him with another woman after asking him numerous times if he was seeing anyone. You know what his answer was? It was very awkward but in that moment I think we realized that there was no one in the world that could take our place.

No one ever tells the whole truth and if it was not for me seeing him at the movies with that other woman, I probably wouldn't have known today about this woman and vice versa. But, because he was caught up he told me about the woman and how long they had been conversing. He has never been the type to admit his wrong doings, only when his wrongdoings are undeniable is when he confess. Yet, in this instance the only thing wrong he did was lie to me and say he was not seeing anyone. We were broken up so whatever he did on his break-up time I was not worried about. I only wanted him to be honest. He was so into seeing other people that he never bothered to ask me if I was seeing anyone. I believed some of his story but not all and I told him part of my story but not all.

I told him the guy he saw me at the movies with was the only person I went out on a date with, which was true. I showed him the conversations that were going on between me and the people on the dating sites. It was simple normal conversation but what I did not show or tell him was about the sexting I was also doing with these people I had met on the dating site. Because I had gotten myself caught up the last time by messing with guys that live locally to me, I figured if we got back together my chances of getting caught would be slim if I conversed with men from different cities or states. "Did you talk about sex with any of them?” he asked. "No", I said. However, he knew I was not telling the truth because I am a sexually aggressive woman. I will spark up the conversation or get things started before someone else would, but I denied it anyway.

What was done, was done and we moved along, leaving the past in the past. But there is a saying that goes "Something From The Past Won't Let It Last!" He started to feel like I was still conversing with guys on dating sites; or the guy he saw me with at the movies. I, knowing I have nothing to hide, and knowing I am not being unfaithful or disloyal, gives him access to my Gmail account. So he is strolling through my Gmail account, goes into Google Plus+ and finds provocative pictures of me that I have sent to some of the guys I was talking too. Some of the provocative pictures were me and some were not, for me it was entertaining something to ease my mind or take my mind off of my ex during our break-up. I had put the pictures and the guys I was conversing with from the dating sites behind me and moved on giving my relationship a fresh start. The pictures were from when we were broken up, but it still kind of sucked for him to see them. It doesn’t feel as bad as I think it should, and I think this is because lately he has been Harry Houdini. That’s the thing about Karma, she always comes back around to bit you in the butt and boy does it hurt!

I cannot wait to read your replies and please be blunt and express your true feelings!

This leaves me to ask my viewers:

Is sexting during a break-up okay?

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If you discovered your spouse was sexting during a break-up would you be mad?

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During a break-up would you rather have your spouse sexting or physically having sex with someone else?

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If you have constantly cheated on your spouse and know there are things he or she does not know you did during the break-up(s), would you still be mad at your spouse?

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Or, would you charge it too the game since it occurred during a period you were not together, be mad, but still move forward in your relationship?

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    • Shakka James profile image
      Author

      Shakka James 2 years ago from Dallas, TX

      I think you hit it right on the head dashingscorpio. Thankfully, I have ended this relationship and I am very happy. I would also label him as a Discontented Cheater because he always blamed me for his cheating. After a while I started to see I was only his excuse to do what he all ready wanted to do. Thanks for your reply...

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      There is a lot of interesting information in this hub.

      The issue here has nothing to do with sexting.

      Let me begin by answering your question regarding an ex sexting. I personally wouldn't care what she did. Once a relationship ends for me it's over with. I don't believe in "Yo-Yo relationships" where you have these drama filled breakups only to makeup again and repeat. At most I've had a few "booty calls" or "friends with benefits" with exes in the past. However there was never any intention on getting back together.

      Below are some key things you said about you and this guy.

      1. I have been in a relationship with the love of my life for 6 years, but through most of these years all he has done is cheat on me.

      (Clearly cheating on you is not a "deal breaker". Why are you still there?)

      2. can say that his continuous cheating was my fault because I never gave him any consequences for actions.

      (Not true! Cheating and monogamy are choices an individual makes!)

      Then you go onto say: "I want to spend the rest of my life with this man." Is this the "best" you think you can do? The guy may "love you" but he's not "in love" with you. If he really thought you were "the one" he wouldn't continue looking for ways to be with someone "new".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Anyone who cheats on you and lies to you doesn't think you're all that "special". Thankfully there are over 7 Billion people on this planet!

      There are three types of cheaters

      1. The Incessant Cheater - This person gets (bored) very easily. They're always looking for the excitement that comes with being with someone (new). Their motto would be: "Variety is the spice of life".

      You described you man: "He is very charismatic, outspoken, loud, and funny." This often the personality traits of someone who loves to flirt, uses sexual innuendo with strangers and enjoys being the center of attention. This type of cheater views monogamy as being on a "strict diet". They will never be faithful long-term until become very old.

      2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater - This person is not "proactively" looking to cheat. They may have a secret crush on someone, met someone they considered out of their league, or ex from back in the day crosses their path. Generally this person hits on them or makes it known they're available for a night or whatever. This type of cheater (caves into temptation). Essentially the opportunity fell into their lap and they couldn't resist turning a fantasy into reality.

      This type of cheater has been known to confess weeks, months, or years later because they feel very guilty afterwards if they have a loving mate.

      3. The Discontented Cheater - They blame you! There is something you did or stopped doing that caused them to be open to cheat with someone. You stopped making them feel "special" or loved in some way. Oftentimes people have forgiven this cheater if they believe (their) actions contributed to their mate's cheating. However it should be noted most cheaters who get caught will latch onto blaming you in some way.

      Based upon this article it sounds like your man is the Incessant Cheater.

      You didn't mention you age but I suspect you met this guy while you were very young. You may have had 5 or less lovers in your life and you're still going through a "bad boy" phase.

      If you stick a woman like that in a room with five guys and have four of them get down on the knees extending their heart out towards her while the fifth guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting like she doesn't exist. That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      The "bad boy" is a mystery, he's exciting, he'll make her (earn) his attention and affection. Knowing he's seeing other women only makes her want to compete that much more to (win) his heart.

      If she comes across a "nice guy" who is honest, reliable, loyal, and worships her she'll toss him into the "friend zone" because he's not a "challenge".

      Women stay in "bad boy" phases until they get tired of having their heart broken. Then they "settle for a nice guy" because it's safe and practical.