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Am I being abused with scripture

Updated on August 30, 2010

Abusers and their tactics

When dealing with an abuser, the one being abused will certainly feel plenty of confusion. There are the basic signs of abuse that have been covered in another Hub. I will attempt to show another way the abuser will keep you within his grasp. He may take your beliefs and turn them against you. This is done through scripture.

We are going to assume that you are Christian and you have studied the Bible to a certain degree, for the purpose of this explanation. I am not familiar enough with other religions to attempt to discuss those beliefs. Like most people you have probably been to Sunday school as a child so you learned the basics of God, Jesus and the Bible. You may or may not have continued on with your studies by attending a church with regularity. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you believe in God and you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins.

Your abuser may use some from of scripture against you, going so far as to quote the Bible. Let me explain. At some point or another your abuser will end up in jail. The statistics are too high for him to stay out of it. We will just assume that he has gotten caught doing/selling drugs or a possible DUI. This is not to say that ALL abusers do drugs and drink alcohol, just a portion of them. So he has to spend some time in jail, even if it is just a few days/weeks.

During this time the only book available to the abuser is the Bible, they also may get a visit from someone performing a ministry to jailhouse inmates. The mind of the abuser is always working. They may feel that you are beginning to slip away from them, that your affections are being withdrawn. They may write you letters telling you that they have ‘Found God’. Now this would be great if it were actually true, almost all people when sent to jail for one reason or another will miraculously ‘find God’. They are scared, so they turn to what they ignored to begin with.

Just a few scriptures to confuse a little more

They will begin to spout scriptures, possibly telling you that the women you hang out with are bad for you.  Your mother, your sisters and your friends who are women will fall into this category if they have spoken against him at one time or another.   For example he may call them envious, using this scripture:

Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

Particularly if they don’t go to church on a regular basis, this covers a lot of ground within the women in your life.  You may look at one or two of those words and feel he may be on to something.  What he is trying to do is get you to turn away from them while he is being held captive for his crimes.

You being the ‘good Christian’ woman and wanting to believe in him and the things he is saying, may believe the things he comes up with.  What he is not giving you is the full story.  There are ’before and after’ to those scriptures he tells you.    If you read on a bit you will find:

Romans 2:1 - Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.

This means - Judge not lest ye be Judged.  Remember, who is he Judging?  Your women friends and family.  Who is he?  A man doing time for HIS crimes, no one else.

Another good quote from the Bible that abusers use is from the book of Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

If they have their way about it, they will have you crawling on your knees to serve him. Because they can find verses in the Bible that they can show you how you are supposed to be as a ‘good’ woman.

If you should bring argument against them they may try to use this against you: 

James 3:8 But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

Wow those are powerful words right?  He’s basically telling you that you can’t argue or disagree with him.

How about throwing in some Proverbs? 

Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
If he tells you this just right, he will be telling you that you should want him to beat you, it’s the word of God, and if you don’t then you are stupid.  How’s that for turning things around?


If you should happen to mention the word divorce to the newly ‘changed’ man this is what he may tell you: 

Matthew 5:32  But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Or this one.

Luke 16:18 - “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Wow, now that’s fairly scary right - It’s in front of your very own eyes that God does NOT want you to divorce.  He knows that you’re not going to cheat on him, he’s pretty much got that locked down, so what recourse do you have but to stay with this monster?

What YOU need to know

I have found a couple useful verses for the women who are being abused.  This is where he should have been looking in the first place.  Not what YOU are doing bad, but what HE has done to you.

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
1 Timothy 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Matthew 23: 3
- So practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice.

Those are pretty powerful words in themselves.  An abuser is just that - An abuser.  He will twist and turn the words to suit his needs and make you look bad, evil, wrong but most of all make you feel worthless.  That is his ultimate goal.  Make you submissive unto him. 

Do your Homework!

Never take the word of an abuser as the word of God, he is only using God’s words to continue destroying you.  Believe in your heart that you are a worthwhile person, God will show you the way.

I am not saying that an abuser cannot change - they can, but only when they want to.  A few days or weeks in jail are NOT going to change him.  If you feel the need to go with God’s word, that is GREAT, go with it, but do so in a church.  This way you will get an untainted view of what God is saying, not just a few quotes admonishing you to follow your man into the depths of hell.  Not a figurative Hell, but a hell on earth.

Do not take my word for this as the Gospel - Look in the Bible for yourself.  You will find that God does not want him to abuse you and you should not have to accept for it.  You will find that God has his own punishment set aside for abusers.

I leave you to make you own decisions regarding your abuser with one more verse from the Bible.

Colossians 3:25 - He that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done:  and there is no respect of persons.

This particular Hub was written because of these exact same things that were said to a person very near and dear to my heart.  He used the words of God to try and get her to turn away from her family.  What he failed to understand (though he was warned) in his attempts to removed her from my life,  she was my life - is my life and will always be in my life.  For her (as all of my children) I would give my life and very nearly did, to protect her..  My daughter.


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    • Sweetsusieg profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Michigan

      LOL, write the check to yourself and hand it to him!

      Most of my stuff that I write has been running around inside my head, I have to get it out to make riim for more!

      One day, maybe I'll write a novel on the things I've learned in this life.

    • ahostagesituation profile image


      10 years ago

      Glad she left...that's awesome news! Too many won't.

      I believe it's the nature of the beast, the people around me these days have introduced me to concepts like "intellectual property" etc. It's all very crazy, but online writing is just begging for plagiarism. I have a guy writing a press release for my business and when he sent me his work, he was quoting things I'd said in emails to him. I was thinking, "dude, should I pay you...or myself? I'm confused." Weird world, be careful. I don't put anything online I couldn't write in an hour or two. The stuff I like is on my hard drive. Again, be careful, and thanks! Good eye.

    • Sweetsusieg profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Michigan

      Not a problem, I'm glad you found me! We writers have to stick together!

      I think the Bible is a wonderful piece of work that has managed to stay constant throughout time. For those who use scripture to hold on to someone is inexcusable!

      We were very fortunate that she was able to escape her situation and is living a very happy life. There are still a few emotional scars, but she is dealing with them day to day.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!!

    • ahostagesituation profile image


      10 years ago

      I've been meaning to find you on hubpages, after getting your email saying you'd found my work plagiarized on someone's blog. I don't know how you found it, but thanks again for letting me know! All of my online writing is just a hobby for me. I'm not too worried about it, but I just think it's so cool you would email me!

      The bible is an amazing, if not inifinte book. I've studied it my whole life, and am always surprised by what I never knew about it. But it always boils down to heart condition. There are some who will use it to justify horrible things, because that's who they are. Jesus was quick to call hypocrisy in this way, but the defect is within the individual, not the book itself. In the same way, a scientist may study the intricacies of biology and dismiss a Creator, while another studies the intracacies of biology and concludes it is impossible for there not to be one. It's just heart condition. And no woman should stay in an unsafe situation. That's not scriptural.

      Thanks again, Susie!

    • Sweetsusieg profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Michigan

      Jacquidube - You have all the correct answers, now all you need is the nerve. God does NOT want us to remain with an abuser. He has a special place for them set aside, if they do not repent. They are a destroyer, and we all know what God thinks of destroyers.

      What is YOUR reasoning for staying? Love should be a 2 way street, if he isn't reciprocating that love, it's like your driving down a 1 way street, the wrong way. Also by staying, what are you teaching your children?

      The gentleman that has commented above you has many more answers regarding scripture than I do. He is Brother Dave and he does online Preaching. He may have more answers for you than I do regarding God.

      Blessing to you and your Children!

    • jacquidube profile image


      10 years ago from Hertfordshire uk

      This is exactly what my husband does to me. He used scripture when I didnt want to be with him anymore. Maybe this is the reason why I stay with him as its not right to divorce? I am sure God would not want me to be in this relationship where it has been abusive. God loves me and I know He wouldnt want to see me hurt. I am stuck in a rut. I have no idea where to begin. I have one independant daughter. My family live miles away and I feel lonely. My husband does not care for me or love me, if he did he would treat me as his wife. I keep a part-time job to pay half the bills etc because he wont give me a penny. He earns 4 times more than I do. He has had affairs with other women and still tries when he drinks with his mates.He never takes me out now (just 3 times in 9 years)He never buys me flowers etc. He doesnt help me around the home, I have to even decorate and im not allowed to ask for help from my friends.The garden is huge and I cant keep on top of it but he wont help. I wash his clothes and make his tea every night.

      He claims to be a christian but I have my doubts. He gambles and drinks and he chats other women up even while I am with him. He even preaches at a men's breakfast at our local church.

      I love God very much and he knows this. God is my number one and my husband knows how much I fear the Lord. The mental abuse is unbearable. I feel worthless and feel my life is at a standstill. He gives me no affection, no kiss, the occasional sex when he has had a drink.

      I quote scripture too sometimes about husbands not to be harsh to their wives but he insists he's a perfect husband and I wouldnt get anyone else if I wasnt with him. Why if this marriage is from God has it all gone wrong for me. The marriage was never blessed in a church. He married me at a registrar for £30. He never bought me a ring and he wouldnt buy me an outfit for the day. We never had a honeymoon. I feel I may be stuck here for the rest of the marriage or for as long as he will stay and I think I know the exact day he will plan to leave and that will be end of september 2011.

    • zoey24 profile image


      10 years ago from South England

      What a beautiful hub, thank you for sharing it.

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 

      10 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      Sweetsusieg: What a marvellous lesson for all of us. As a man I will say that men, sometimes thinking that they know it all, and thinking they should be dominant, try to laud it over women. As a man I state, "This is totally wrong."

      By the way Sweetsusieg, I love your comment to Lilly about doing battle with an unarmed opponent. I have one that I like to apply too, "Never take a knife to a gun fight."

      Brother Dave.

    • Sweetsusieg profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago from Michigan

      LOL - Lilly well I won't go that far. But feel free to use that idea! I have my own personal beliefs and sharing is one thing, but some folks just get down right obnoxious. Somehow or another I don't think God wanted us to fight over our beliefs.. Just my opinion...

      For me to discuss scripture with a fanatic would be like me going unarmed into battle!! You might heard the saying "Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent"? (I'm the unarmed opponent)

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

    • LillyGrillzit profile image

      Lori J Latimer 

      10 years ago from Central Oregon

      Oh Yeah, I think you may have a whole series of Hubs on this one. How about when people use Scripture as a Club and beat people over the head with it....Write On!


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