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Am I being abused with scripture
Abusers and their tactics
When dealing with an abuser, the one being abused will certainly feel plenty of confusion. There are the basic signs of abuse that have been covered in another Hub. I will attempt to show another way the abuser will keep you within his grasp. He may take your beliefs and turn them against you. This is done through scripture.
We are going to assume that you are Christian and you have studied the Bible to a certain degree, for the purpose of this explanation. I am not familiar enough with other religions to attempt to discuss those beliefs. Like most people you have probably been to Sunday school as a child so you learned the basics of God, Jesus and the Bible. You may or may not have continued on with your studies by attending a church with regularity. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you believe in God and you believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins.
Your abuser may use some from of scripture against you, going so far as to quote the Bible. Let me explain. At some point or another your abuser will end up in jail. The statistics are too high for him to stay out of it. We will just assume that he has gotten caught doing/selling drugs or a possible DUI. This is not to say that ALL abusers do drugs and drink alcohol, just a portion of them. So he has to spend some time in jail, even if it is just a few days/weeks.
During this time the only book available to the abuser is the Bible, they also may get a visit from someone performing a ministry to jailhouse inmates. The mind of the abuser is always working. They may feel that you are beginning to slip away from them, that your affections are being withdrawn. They may write you letters telling you that they have ‘Found God’. Now this would be great if it were actually true, almost all people when sent to jail for one reason or another will miraculously ‘find God’. They are scared, so they turn to what they ignored to begin with.
Just a few scriptures to confuse a little more
They will begin to spout scriptures, possibly telling you that the women you hang out with are bad for you. Your mother, your sisters and your friends who are women will fall into this category if they have spoken against him at one time or another. For example he may call them envious, using this scripture:
Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
Particularly if they don’t go to church on a regular basis, this covers a lot of ground within the women in your life. You may look at one or two of those words and feel he may be on to something. What he is trying to do is get you to turn away from them while he is being held captive for his crimes.
You being the ‘good Christian’ woman and wanting to believe in him and the things he is saying, may believe the things he comes up with. What he is not giving you is the full story. There are ’before and after’ to those scriptures he tells you. If you read on a bit you will find:
Romans 2:1 - Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
This means - Judge not lest ye be Judged. Remember, who is he Judging? Your women friends and family. Who is he? A man doing time for HIS crimes, no one else.
Another good quote from the Bible that abusers use is from the book of Ephesians.
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
If they have their way about it, they will have you crawling on your knees to serve him. Because they can find verses in the Bible that they can show you how you are supposed to be as a ‘good’ woman.
If you should bring argument against them they may try to use this against you:
James 3:8 But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
Wow those are powerful words right? He’s basically telling you that you can’t argue or disagree with him.
How about throwing in some Proverbs?
Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
If he tells you this just right, he will be telling you that you should want him to beat you, it’s the word of God, and if you don’t then you are stupid. How’s that for turning things around?
If you should happen to mention the word divorce to the newly ‘changed’ man this is what he may tell you:
Matthew 5:32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Or this one.
Luke 16:18 - “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.
Wow, now that’s fairly scary right - It’s in front of your very own eyes that God does NOT want you to divorce. He knows that you’re not going to cheat on him, he’s pretty much got that locked down, so what recourse do you have but to stay with this monster?
What YOU need to know
I have found a couple useful verses for the women who are being abused. This is where he should have been looking in the first place. Not what YOU are doing bad, but what HE has done to you.
Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
1 Timothy 5:8 - But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Matthew 23: 3 - So practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice.
Those are pretty powerful words in themselves. An abuser is just that - An abuser. He will twist and turn the words to suit his needs and make you look bad, evil, wrong but most of all make you feel worthless. That is his ultimate goal. Make you submissive unto him.
Do your Homework!
Never take the word of an abuser as the word of God, he is only using God’s words to continue destroying you. Believe in your heart that you are a worthwhile person, God will show you the way.
I am not saying that an abuser cannot change - they can, but only when they want to. A few days or weeks in jail are NOT going to change him. If you feel the need to go with God’s word, that is GREAT, go with it, but do so in a church. This way you will get an untainted view of what God is saying, not just a few quotes admonishing you to follow your man into the depths of hell. Not a figurative Hell, but a hell on earth.
Do not take my word for this as the Gospel - Look in the Bible for yourself. You will find that God does not want him to abuse you and you should not have to accept for it. You will find that God has his own punishment set aside for abusers.
I leave you to make you own decisions regarding your abuser with one more verse from the Bible.
Colossians 3:25 - He that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.
This particular Hub was written because of these exact same things that were said to a person very near and dear to my heart. He used the words of God to try and get her to turn away from her family. What he failed to understand (though he was warned) in his attempts to removed her from my life, she was my life - is my life and will always be in my life. For her (as all of my children) I would give my life and very nearly did, to protect her.. My daughter.