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An Imperfect Love Relation Between Two True Souls
One year and four months has already gone and now I am writing about my relationship. On 10th May, 2010, I first met with my boyfriend. You know it was really very surprising that I was meeting someone whom I didn’t see before and didn’t talk a single month over phone also. We were just orkut friends and then we exchanged our phone numbers. But after exchanging our numbers we use to talk with each other and at that moment we both were going through a very tough situation. We used to chat on gtalk and one day he told me to pay a bill regarding an incident in a very special way and I agreed. Then we planned for meeting and finally we met. That is the most remarkable day in my life. The whole day we spent in a park, we shared our problems, we were talking about our life, our aims, our past life and present life, but we were enjoying our company. On that day my result of 1st year law examination had come out and I was so tensed and he was standing beside me giving me support as and finally I passed in the examination and he was the first one with whom I shared this news. Then we stayed there till evening, but I still didn’t pay the bill in the way he wanted. But at last when time had come to go back I asked him about paying the bill although he was giving hints indirectly about it all day long, but finally I decided to fulfill the promise that I made to him, That was the first time he kissed me, and I felt his touch, he was showing different ways of kissing by kissing me, the first time he put his hand on my shoulders, a current just passed on from my backbone, from my heart, my lips were shaking and yes I was wanting his touch more and more, my eyes were closed. I became shy but also was very much satisfied and that was the beginning of our relationship. Then we went back to our home.
After that we used to meet with each other at least once in a week and became closer of each other. We used to talk hours over phone and for talking so much we had even taken a new sim card and many nights we had passed with talking together without sleeping, I had restrictions in my home, especially my friend who was mostly had become my guardian was very strict and my parents had given him all rights for my protection and to control me. And I used to be tensed if he would become to know about it. But we both used to wait for the night to talk with each other. In this way our relationship was going on, we both had a break up and I was searching a good friend to whom I can share all my feelings. But after sometimes I realized that I have some feelings for him more than friendship, I realized that I was in love with him and yes I also shared my feelings for him directly. After sometimes we faced so many problems as my friend used to doubt on me so much and he somehow caught me and both he and my parents became more strict with me, actually my boyfriend showed me that whom I was thinking a good friend actually he wasn’t. We didn’t be able to talk so much not even once in a day. My parents appointed a person who stayed always with me wherever, whenever I went. He called me after a week and we again started communicating each other somehow.
My parents were planning for departing me from my home to another state, Delhi. Actually one of my uncles used to live there and he was very strict as he was in military service, on those days were too long for me. I used to pray to god if somehow he can stop this. I was protesting not to go there. Mt boyfriend once called me and said please don’t go and that used to sound in my ears, I used to cry, sometimes got angry but I was not being able to do anything, as the day of departure was coming soon, I was thinking that I am going miles away from him, from my love, how would I be able to communicate with my beloved one, how would be he able to stay here without me. But my friend was not so agreed with this decision as he had a doubt that this might cause more harmful as I would be out of sight of everyone. At last my parents changed decision and the plan was cancelled. But from there our relationship had got a new way to go forward. On this critical time he always boosts me not to give up hope, he was always standing beside of me. After some months, after happening so many incidents finally I was departed from that friend, we broke our friendship and I got chance to meet freely with my boy friend. We cried over nights to talk with each other, I didn’t be able to give him that much time to spend with him, when I he wanted me beside of him I was failed to support him. I left him alone. We were dying to talk with each other. And this restriction had become a barrier of our relationship. But after when my friend had gone from my life I became free and from that moment we came closer more than before. At that time we also became more closed physically and we finally enter into we accepted that that we are in relationship that is unbounded eternal love.
But you know sometimes you hurt the person most whom you don’t want to heart at all. I was failed to fulfilling his expectation. I hurt him in so many ways. He always warned me that it may cause end of this relationship and in spite of all my faults he was always there with me, he used to wait, may be on someday I’ll be changed. We cried over nights, he hurt himself and again after some days we met together to solve the problem, I assured him that this wrong wont happen again but after sometimes it happened, All his expectation was hurting and I also felt pain, after he showed me where I was wrong. But again we met, came closer and solve the problem. But you know in spite of all these faults, all negative activities we also stayed happily, we shared some beautiful moments together. We laughed, we loved, and we enjoyed our companies.
Although I spoiled his enjoyment on most of the events but we also spend some good times also. I cannot forget this year’s birthday of mine. On that day strike was called by political party and no transport was available but to fulfill my wish he came 10 km by walking and met with me. That was the best day in my life where I saw how much he loves me. On the valentine day we also enjoyed a lot. On a big ground we were sitting, I was almost laying on his lap. And was watching the dark sky, it was a very romantic moment we were talking about our relationship, our future. The whole time is an art, a picture that is one of the symbols of our romantic moment. But after spending a splendid birthday with my beloved one I spoiled his birthday as I did wrong again. And in this way he was loosing trust, faith from me, he was been frustrated. One more thing is that I had hidden something from him although he encouraged me to say, but I couldn’t as I scared to loose him. Actually I was unable to express my feelings properly to him and also to understand him properly. All my guilty caused making this relationship flatulent from the base. Sometimes we don’t understand our faults but it hurts our special one.
Now because of my faults we don’t confirmed whether this relation will be successful or not, but one thing is true that we both have become so much attached with each other, he neither can left nor can accept me properly, I from core of my heart want to change myself, to rectify myself. I do mistakes often unconsciously. But he has a positive attitude that he always has tried to see some positive things in negative and he is still waiting if I change myself one day. And I know he still loves me very much and whatever I promised him to do, he actually has done his entire job perfectly. Our relation may not be perfect but we both know that we love each other very much and I know that he will never leave me. We are still continuing this relationship; so many ups and downs have come in our relations, day by day it is loosing its essence, its softness, its depth but still we have feelings for each other. Somehow my mind says we are going more deep and deep. We don’t want to apart from each other, we both want a happy successful relation, although he says that he doesn’t have any expectation but I know he is still expecting to see me changed and I really want him to see me as his Manasi, the girl about whom he used to dream about.
I don’t know whether it’s a proper love or not but I know we both have potentiality to make this relationship perfect and beautiful, although we have so many problems between each other, but I know we still love each other very much and this love is exclusive in our and in its own way. Actually it has been taking a long time for me to understand him properly. Sometimes I use to be confused in a particular situation that what I should do. Somehow I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want him to feel sad, I always use to think if any of my activity makes him hurt then I wont be able to accept that. But this is I think one of the reasons that I hurt him and disappointed him. I don’t know how I would rectify myself but I want from the bottom of my heart to make him happy, to fulfill all his desires as he does. But I think time is the best medicine. It will show us whether we have made for each other or not, it totally depends on luck. But if he is my life partner then no one can depart us from each other but if he is not then whatever we do, we never can meet together. But I always try to go with a positive look that we would have a positive end.