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The Vicious Cycle
When you continue to do the same thing over and over again, you can't expect a different result. Some people fail to realize that when it comes to their own relationships. If you want to improve in your relationship, you have to start with you. If you don't start with you, you will keep seeing the same results and always wonder "why does this always happen to me"?
In my last article I left you with how Arnold got over Margaret, the married woman he met on Facebook. Unfortunately for him, the only way was to meet another girl...
I say unfortunately for several reasons because this new girl wasn’t any better. This girl also had a son. But! On the bright side (if that’s what you want to call it), this girl was actually separated and finalizing a divorce. So this new girl – let’s call her Jenna – worked with Arnold. When their eyes first crossed paths one day at work, Margaret seemed to fade out of the picture a little. The look Jenna gave him sparked something in him. Almost like he came back to life. Because all he could think about was her, Arnold took each opportunity and continued to make eye contact with her until one day he took the initiative to speak to her. What began as little eye contact would eventually lead to a number exchange and before we knew it, Arnold had a new drive. Margaret was almost completely out of the picture and he was determined to win over Jenna's heart.
Getting to know Jenna gave Arnold that hope that maybe she was the one. The one he could finally take home to mom, to marry and have a future with. But because Arnold hadn’t learned from his past mistakes, the vicious cycle was about to begin once again.
Because Jenna was going through a tough time getting divorced, she was having to downsize in just about everything including her home. She was getting ready to move into a studio with her son and she had nobody to help her with the move. So what did Arnold do? He offered to help her with the move at no charge. Of course, she took his offer in a heartbeat. To Arnold, this was a way of impressing her. To her it was just a way of getting the help at a desperate time of need. It would save her the headache of having to pay a company she probably couldn’t afford anyways. After the move, they continued to talk, have lunch together at work, and Arnold was even driving her to work since she didn’t have a car. Want to hear the best part? On his days off, he would babysit her son so she could go to work and not have to pay a babysitter!
Arnold thought he was doing everything right. He was on cloud nine. He didn’t realize that once again he was just there for her during her weakest moments. He was in the FRIENDZONE. He was so blindsided that he didn’t even know she was already interested in another man! The part I left out was that Jenna had sex with Arnold early in their “relationship/friendship” or whatever you want to call it because she felt she owed him something after all the nice things he had been doing for her. This had given Arnold a false sense of hope that one day they could actually be in a serious relationship. He took it as – this girl is the real deal. She wants me. It mesmerized Arnold so much that there was no looking back. He was in it for the long haul. Again, he thought he was doing everything right. Until….
One day he realized, "Jenna keeps asking me to babysit her son on weeknights"... Nights. What is she doing? Ummm…what did you think Jenna was doing? Hope you guessed it – going out on dates. She was using Arnold to go out on dates with other men! And this whole time, Arnold thought everything was perfect. When he found out what was happening, he was in complete and utter shock. He couldn’t believe it! Well, I could. Let’s go back to his situation with Margaret. He was there for her at her weakest moments. He was doing the same with Jenna! He was making her financially stable when she needed it. Emotionally stable when she needed it. And what was he getting in return? Nothing. Yea they had sex once. But that was in the very beginning. After that he wasn’t getting anything out of the relationship. All that was happening was he was clearly being used. Simple as that. And he allowed it to keep happening for some time. Why? Because he couldn’t accept the fact that while he thought he was doing everything right, she still couldn’t see him as a potential boyfriend. As someone other than a friend.
What Arnold couldn't see was that he was being the stereotypical "Nice Guy". No one wants the nice guy. It's boring. It gets old quick. With not much experience and not taking other people's advice he was incapable of becoming aware that what he was doing was the opposite of what his intentions were. His intentions of how to win a girl over.
Girls like mystery.
Girls like to wonder.
Girls like when a guy plays hard to get.
Arnold still had quite some work to do...