Are Drive-bys With Your Ex A Help or Hinderance?
Just about everyone goes through a breakup at one point or another. Breakups are never pretty. They usually come about because of some sort of pain, heartbreak or disappointment. Everyone always says exes are exes for a reason and unless there are kids involved, there is no reason to ever look back. But what about when that pain subsides and you don't necessarily want to go back, but you don't want to be alone?
Dating itself can be an extremely daunting task. It takes so much time and energy that you may not be able to fit into your life at that moment. With that being said, an occasional drive-by by the ex doesn't seem like such a terrible idea. You are comfortable with that person and while you may or may not trust him, he knows you and vice versa.
When you become singles, you don't want to bed hop with every Tom, Dick and Harry that comes along. You want to be sure it's the right time (even if it's not the person you'll be with for the rest of your life).
Now, while the stroke, feeling and climax is familiar, the activity may be blocking whomever is really supposed to be filling that space (no pun intended). Continuing to smash an ex may have a person inadvertently holding on to something that may have been toxic in the first place.
Also, while you (or I in the past) are still getting together with an ex, it makes it harder to get over and past them because the connection is on-going. When it's finally over and done with, you would need that much longer to get over the relationship, in whatever form it existed in- a grieving period. Again, this may create an issue for who is waiting to enter your life.
I have always been one who says "everything happens for a reason," and I still believe that, but I also think that people need to get out of their own way. People have to realize when they are blocking their own blessing or interrupting a process and make decisions accordingly.
I don't really have any solid advice on this one folks. It's a hard one. People are driven by emotions, feelings and familiarity. no one enjoys just 'being out there' in a new strange world alone. Sometimes though, getting out of your comfort zone may be the best thing that's ever happened to you. give it a try.
Comments
Good post
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Valencia, I agree separating will get easier with time, but thats only if everything is cut cold turkey. Everytime you go back for a "serving", you take yourself back 2 steps.
Bri, I agree exes are exes for a reason, but depending on the reason, those drive bys could possibly be easier to handle. For instance if there is a distance issue and you get together every once in a while, the circumstances for the breakup havent changed so it could be easier to get in and out unscathed- for lack of better words
Vi, thats a good point. The conversation should be clear and expectations laid out. That being said, I think someone will always get rehurt in these situations. Break ups, in my experience, are rarely mutual. There will usually be one of the parties still pining for the other, in which case, drive bys may not be a good idea because the person holding on my create a relationship that isnt there. If some time has passed and the hurt has subsided, then it may be possible to have a strictly physical relationship.
Oh, that good ol' ex topic, sigh. I am definitely guilty of creeping with the ex ever now and again. I do believe that it's better to swim in familiar waters. It all depends on the individuals. They both have to know where they are headed. If it's just sex, great, but one can't want more. This is why honesty is important. I'm crazy but not crazy enough for someone to tell me that we'll never be more than random sex and expect more. Ex's are fine, with the right communication.
Leave it alone. I strongly believe a ex is a ex for a damn good reason. If I couldn't build with you and we couldn't share a life together, why am I sharing my cookies with you? Exes don't deserve it!
Sometimes it's hard to say good bye for comfort reasons, the routine, and when a break up occurs, that what is familiar doesn't disappear overnight, if it did people would have taken that leap long ago. It's emotions. In the case of Kay (Case Study) now that her children are now adults it is the fear of the unknown, that's why a support system must be there, as a death. It gets easier with time. Only you can decide to make that change, when one door closes, another one will open. We must find out who we are without that partner to know what we are looking for in the next relationship.
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