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Are Nice Guys A Turn Off?

Updated on November 27, 2011

A while back I heard a guy ranting about how he had lost a dog of his. He had the dog for about a week and was worried sick over it being all alone in the woods. Even shared with us that he cried over it. And all I could think about as he told his story was that he needed to toughen up. He only had the dog for a week, why was he so emotional over it? How could he possibly have gotten so attached to it? Soon after my thought, I couldn’t help but chuckle at myself. Isn’t that what I would look for in a boyfriend? Isn’t that what we want? Someone who’s sensitive and understanding?

But is it? Females do want someone that cares for the little things but don’t they also want someone that is strong and won’t cry just because the wind blows in a different direction? Some nice guys may not be emotional to that extent but they just don’t have the edge that’s needed to get them to the second level. Often times they beat around the bush instead of coming out and saying what they want or how they feel. Does that behavior stem from a fear of rejection? For example a guy may want to take you out and instead of saying, “Let’s go out Friday night.” They say something as general as, “I’m ready to go out and see a friend.” What is that? Are you the friend? Do they want to go out with you? Where is the authority? Nice guys are sweet for only so long and sooner or later they will be locked in the “friend” category and sit in level 1’s waiting chamber.

Other nice guys just keep everything under wraps and just want to hang out endlessly. Never giving you any inclination that they are interested in you as more than a friend. How are you supposed to pick up on this if there aren’t any signs given? For all you know they have chosen to play for the other team and just want to be movie buddies. Then later you find out they want something more. By then it’s too late and you can never imagine seeing them in that light. Nice guys have to learn to speak up for what they want or they won’t get it. Men lacking assertiveness can be deemed as weak. Nice guys with no confidence are not a turn on whatsoever.

Some nice guys are “Yes, dear” men. These are the ones that only do what you say and have no mind of their own. I’m sorry, but if a woman wanted a child to give orders to instead of a spouse she could have had one long time ago. There are plenty of sperm banks and adoption agencies to go around. And for some women this is okay. They want to be the controlling force in a relationship. For them I say good for you but not for me. And believe me there are plenty of times that I would rather tell my boyfriend what to do and have him do it without a second thought. But in the end, a man without a backbone, is just not attractive. Part of a man’s appeal is the ability for him to take charge in certain situations and handle what needs to be handled.

So is there such a thing as a guy being too sensitive? I think so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy. There is nothing like a man that can display his emotions, take care of the kids and can turn on the romance without being told to. But I do believe that there is a limit to being too sensitive. I want to know that I have a strong shoulder that I can lean on when the tough times get going. I want to feel protected when I feel scared. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t think so.


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    • profile image

      Camo Girl!! 5 years ago

      Thank you and you too have a good day!!!!

    • NiaG profile image

      NiaG 5 years ago from Louisville, KY

      Good for you Camo Girl! Glad you found someone that treats you right. Thanks for dropping in a comment. Have a good day!

    • profile image

      Camo Gilrl!!! 5 years ago

      I do to like a guy who will cry and No nice guy do trun me on i like nice guys i did like bad boys but i meet a nice guy and i really like him and he likes me too!!!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      I like a man who is manly, but still sensitive. Most men will never let anyone see them cry, but I like a man who can cry.

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I think you're right about guys who lack assertiveness. It's not so much about only being nice but also having the backbone to stand up for himself and make definitive choices. There's something about someone who knows what they want instead of just trying to please everyone.

    • NiaG profile image

      NiaG 5 years ago from Louisville, KY

      You Sir Ghaelach would be a great example of the perfect nice guy. As long as you don't allow your wife to walk all over you or anybody for that matter there is nothing wrong with it. Sensitive men are still a plus in my book. Thanks for leaving us with a comment from the other side of the fence. Have a wonderful day!

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 5 years ago


      Being a fifferent shape than you lovely ladies that puts me on the male side of the fence.

      Is it not nice when your male partner comes home from work with a nice bunch of flowers? and that's not because he would like desert after his evening meal. Is it not nice when he is having his desert that he whispers in your ear that he loves you. Or does the shopping at the weekend, or take the kids off your hands for a couple of hours and goes down to the park with them??

      I think that if i was one of the girls i'd like my man to do nice things for me and that wouldn't mean he's a sissy.

      There's a big difference between the loving, caring, respectful man as to he that comes home from work after his 8 hour day flops in the chair waits for his meal with his feet up and a beer in one hand and ciggy in the other. He's the Hard one that thinks you girls have nothing to do all day except sit on the phone and quatch to one another.

      No, I'll keep my Mr Nice guy title and my wife loves me for it.

      I would think there are enough ladies in these secure female houses that would agree with me.

      So Nia, thats what i think, right or wrong!!

      Take care Nia and have a nice week.

      LOL Ghaelach

    • NiaG profile image

      NiaG 5 years ago from Louisville, KY

      You said it perfectly princess. Nice is always in but being nice to the point where your almost invisible is not attractive. Nice + assertive when necessary is definitely a plus. Thanks for stopping by ladies! As usual, it's always nice to talk to you both. Have a lovely day!

    • NiaG profile image

      NiaG 5 years ago from Louisville, KY

      I love you Clara and you know you are more than welcome to comment as long as you'd like. Tough guys that are constantly angry and walking around with a chip on their shoulder are not for me but someone that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it is another thing. I like a man that is assertive and can take control if he needs to.

    • princesswithapen profile image

      princesswithapen 5 years ago


      Nice guys who are not the 'yes, dear' men seem to be on top of every woman's life. Being nice has never went out of vogue however men who are nice + assertive when they need to be, make for perfect partners.

      Nice hub!


    • clara kish@yahoo. profile image

      Clara Kish 5 years ago from Mt. Perry. Ohio

      Hi NiaG,I just read your hub about nice guy, My husband was 6 ft. maybe a little over and weighed about 240 when I met him ,he was a nice guy but definitely not a sissy. I knew some others but I loved the nice guy.sorry,I didn't mean to go on like this. I liked your hub even if the tough guy wasn't for me. I guess some of the tough guys I knew were not too likeable no ,I didn't go with them.clara