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Are You In An Unhealthy Relationship? Tips For Recognizing An Unhealthy Relationship and Letting Go.

Updated on November 14, 2013
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Recognizing an Unhealthy Relationship

Sometimes, when we are completely blinded by the love that we feel for someone, it can be hard to realize and accept that the relationship we have with that person is unhealthy and is actually having negative effects on our well-being. We tend to hold on to the aspects of the relationship that we believe are good and positive, while completely disregarding the aspects of the relationship that are negative and damaging. The first two steps in letting go, or even fixing a negative relationship with someone is to recognize that the relationship is unhealthy and to accept that things need to change. However, it can be difficult for some people to truly realize that they are involved in such a relationship. Most people only consider relationships that consist of physical abuse to be unhealthy, but don't realize that verbal abuse as well as jealousy are also traits of an unhealthy relationship.

What is Verbal Abuse?

People are subjected to verbal abuse in a number of different ways. One of the most common is name-calling. It may sound juvenile, but name-calling can deeply hurt you, even into your adult years. It especially hurts when the name-calling is coming from the mouth of your significant other, someone who you love, care for, and plan to build a future with. Names can be as extreme as foul curse words, as well as names such as stupid, useless and ugly. Another common form of verbal abuse is put-downs. Examples of put-downs can range from your significant other telling you that nobody will ever love you, to them telling you that you will never be able to get your dream job. No matter the extreme, put-downs can make you feel worthless and inadequate. There is absolutely no excuse for any form of verbal abuse. Whether your significant other blames their name-calling or put-downs on having a bad day, or because you pushed their buttons, you need to know in your heart that there is no excuse for them to treat you that way because you do not deserve it and because it is a trait of an unhealthy relationship.

What is Extreme Jealousy?

The way I see it, there are two types of jealousy: Harmless Jealousy and Extreme Jealousy. An example of harmless jealousy could be your significant other getting a little jealous that you're giving someone of the opposite sex attention, yet still still loves and trusts you, and doesn't read too much into it. Extreme Jealousy, on the other hand, is an ugly and harmful trait. Some examples of extreme jealousy could be your significant other getting very jealous when you do so little as to speak to someone of the opposite sex. They may start outrageous arguments with you over this, and may even "forbid" you from having friends of the opposite sex. A similar scenario could also happen if you chose to go out with your friends instead of them. Another example could be your significant other becoming very jealous because you got promoted at work and they did not. They may resort to verbal abuse to make them feel better about themselves. Love is absolutely not about jealousy and possession. What you need to understand is that in a healthy relationship, both people want nothing more than their significant other to be happy, and they work to build trust in each other. Without trust, love can not prevail.

Letting Go of an Unhealthy Relationship.

Even after recognizing and accepting that you are in an unhealthy relationship, it can still be exceedingly difficult to let go and move on. If you are determined to make things work between you and your significant other, you need to sit them down and tell them exactly how you feel and exactly what you need from them to stay in the relationship, or you can attempt to seek professional help from a couples or marriage counselor. If neither of these options work, you owe it to yourself to let go of your unhealthy relationship because if it hasn't already, it will begin to negatively effect your actions, your choices, your relationships with others and your overall well-being. You must understand that if you spend any more time in an unhealthy relationship, all you are doing is wasting more time that you could use to find someone that you are able to have a loving and healthy relationship with. You must give yourself the chance to be happy and to receive the love that you deserve.

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