Are You Ready For Marriage? Take The Test!
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a husband. Unfortunately, the trouble is that all too often, men are dashed problematic when it comes to marriage, often developing severe commitment phobias and running off to Vegas to drown their sorrows in drink and loose women.
A modern woman has little time to fluff about with this sort of thing. She must take charge and assume responsibility for the success or failure of the marriage. The man is, of course, an important part of the proceedings as most states still require that he be present to give his consent at the time of marriage.
Aside from this, the bride usually controls the greater part of the wedding, from details such as when it will be held right down to the color of the trim on the napkins. The husband is traditionally a silent partner in the merger, and should be treated accordingly.
So ladies, are you ready for marriage? Take the test and find out!
Do you have the necessary equipment for a successful marriage?
A) Yes, I have a good length of chain and a suitably comfortable, yet secure storage facility for his genitalia once he hands them over to me after the ceremony.
Are you prepared for contingencies during the ceremony?
A) Yes, he is aware that a marksman will be trained on him throughout the entire ceremony, and that any attempts to run, or shirking of his bridegroomly duties will be dealt with harshly.
Have you discussed important issues concerning marriage?
A) Yes, he understands that it will be his responsibility to take out the trash, feed the dog, and father approximately two children within two years. He will then assume the role of breadwinner and provider for this family, attend little league games, and be prepared to learn to work a camcorder in order to capture special moments for our old age.
Have You Prepared For The Wedding Night?
A) Yes. The wedding night will be a veritable two person orgy of lust, lasting at least five minutes before we both fall asleep from the exhaustion of the day. The wedding night will be a free pass. After the wedding night he will earn sexual favors by performing appropriate duties around the home. Fixing the creaky cupboard entitles him to heavy petting, and raking the yard earns him the favor of his choice.
If you didn't score 4 A's, you are not yet ready for marriage. Getting married unprepared could result in an unruly husband and marital friction, so get to work! There is no time to waste, you're not getting any younger, you know.