- Gender and Relationships
Are We Holding Ourselves Accountable When It Comes To Love?
As women it can be so easy to blame men for how they treat us in regards to why we are still single—but are you owning up to your own actions? We claim that we don't want a guy who treats us disrespectfully, however, many times we will be just as disrespectful. Seriously, you're better than that girl.
I get that if you have only been on a date or several then there doesn't necessarily need to be a long excuse (or frankly any) as to why you have lost interest in a guy. However, if you have been dating for months, a year, or possibly longer—why would you feel that it is appropriate to not be honest, blow a guy (your boyfriend) off for months and claim that you are "just too busy"? Seriously?
As I have said Numerous times regarding men: when a guy is interested in you and wants to be with you he will make time for you—moving the earth, heaven and mountains to make it happen. Period. Men, this same principle applies to women as well.
There are so many women who actually feel that it's ok to tell a guy that they're "too busy" but it's not ok for a guy to tell them the same. Double standard—yes, there are many women who have them. What's even more interesting, often it's these same women who proclaim that there are never any great men to date anymore. Really?! It's probably because these men are now jaded by women who can't be honest with them.
All it takes is a simple conversation, email or text to let a guy know when we are no longer interested. Is it really that hard?
I get that not everyone is a great communicator. Communication is difficult especially if a man's feelings for us are stronger than ours are for him. Regardless, it is important to be honest. As women we talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk to our friends about what a guy did or didn't do but then will continue to display the same bad behavior towards him.
I have a girlfriend that like clockwork when things are going great with a guy she ends up freaking herself out and will suddenly become "too busy" to hang out with him. She will purposely plan her month ahead of time—filling her schedule up—time with her friends and family, work stuff, personal stuff and trips—making sure that her plans exclude including time for him. When a guy tries to discuss her sudden absence from his life, she acts like he is too needy. Sounds familiar? It should. Many men will do the exact same thing to women. Sometimes I feel as though my friend was meant to be a man by the way she behaves.
During my friends’ absentees, men will get tired of waiting around for her to show up again and will move on. Not surprising. Well, each time this happens my friend seems to be shocked. She will put the blame on these men for not being patient and will have the audacity to complain that there are "never any good men to date these days." Hmmm...
No one is perfect. Just like men, there are a lot of women who have been guilty at one time or another of blowing a guy off, lying, cheating or stringing a guy along for their own benefit.
Another friend of mine was in a relationship with a woman for a year. Between running his own business and being a single father, he has a lot on his plate. When he met his girlfriend it was like perfect harmony. They were not only the same age, she was also a single mom with kids and an entrepreneur. As their relationship started to flourish, they ended up coordinating their schedules so they had the same days off from their children to spend more time together. Since their children got along, they would not only spend quality time alone with there kids but all together as well. More importantly, they had many values and interests in common. So what went wrong?
There is a point in all relationship where you either see spending a future with someone or not. My friends’ girlfriend didn't see a future with him. She lost interest but wasn't ready to fully end things so she told him that she was really busy—for three months! Yikes! During this time, my friend tried to be understanding but couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He was right...
There were obvious signs that his girlfriend had lost interest. Don't get me wrong, people can get busy, however when the communication continues to lessen—Houston there is a problem.
I told him that if someone wants you in their life they Will make time for you. That the fact that she suddenly was incapable of answering her phone—even though she had her phone with her and would answer it when they would spend time together—not a good sign. And, when she did decide to answer, she would cut the conversations short—another bad sign. My opinion was that her emotions had most likely changed. I expressed that he needed to confront the situation instead of walking on eggshells and hoping that things between them would go back to normal. He agreed.
My friend confronted his girlfriend with all the things that he was concerted regarding her and their relationship over the last several months—that there was obviously something wrong. She finally admitted that she just didn't want to invest the time to be in a relationship. She also confessed how she felt horrible for the way she treated him.
Guys, if a woman has lost interest with you there are many clues:
She doesn't answer your text/calls as much
She's suddenly really busy with life
She has plans more frequently with her girlfriends instead of you
She's not contacting you as often
Work is really busy—with no communication as to how long
***Basically she will fade away out of your life.
Ladies, if your feelings have changed for a guy, I get it, but own it and let him know. Why string a guy along for weeks or possibly months wasting his time when you know if the situation was reversed you feel uneasy, upset and a little cray-cray if he treated you that way. Until we hold ourselves accountable for our own actions then how can you expect a man to? Start with yourself and lead a good example when it comes to dating or life in general.