- Gender and Relationships
Are You A Yes Girl?
A yes girl will agree to anything a guy wants, because she thinks that by doing so a man will love her and want to be with her. What she doesn't realize—by saying yes all the time, she loses her identity and creates a false impression of who she really is.
When you create a false impression of who you are—this is deceitful and can be viewed as manipulative to the person you are doing this to, even if you think it is for the right reasons—love. Do you really want a guy to like—possibly love you for who he thinks you are, versus who you actually are deep down inside?
Pretending to be someone else—liking everything a guy likes to win his heart, is exhausting, no fun for you in the long run, and an inevitable emotional disaster waiting to happen.
If you do not like outdoors activities (skiing, snowboarding, hiking, etc) don't pretend you do—it will only end in anguish. If you are not big on going out a lot (parties, events, clubs and bars)—going out all the time will make you feel exhausted and resentful. On the reverse, if going out is your thing—trying to be a homebody, will eventually create boredom for you in the relationship. Also, if you are not into sports—then motivating yourself into watching them all the time (and all year round), can eventually bring annoyance and frustration.
Often, a woman will agree that she enjoys things that a man does in order to get his attention (and hopefully keep it)—hoping in the long run he will never call her bluff, and if he does, she can use her charm and wit to get out of it. Wrong!
Most men, when they really like something, they are very passionate and involved about it and will want to continually experience it. That's a big part of what makes a guy who he is. Wouldn't you want to be with a man that you can experience and fully enjoy most of the things he does, because they are things you are actually passionate about as well?
If you are not a girl who enjoys the outdoors, it's important to be honest about that fact. When a guy expresses how much he enjoys camping, believe me, he will want you to go, especially if he thinks you love it too. Why tell him you love camping, when you don't? Trust me, you will only be annoyed and unhappy when he calls your bluff and plans a fun (to him) weekend off-roading camping excursion in the mountains. No trailer, no cabin—just you and him roughing it in a small tent. Sounds romantic? If you are truly an outdoor-loving girl, then yes. If not, you might as well be in the movie Misery—although painfully torturing, it will seem more bearable to you.
When you become a yes girl to things you have no interest in or do not like, you might be present for the experience, but you won't enjoy it. Going down this unhealthy spiral and forgetting what your wants, likes and desires are, is only setting you up for disappointment. What's next? Are you the type of woman that will also think it's ok to fake an orgasm to please her man?
Can you hide who you are forever, just to keep a man? Maybe, if you are a talented actress, but why would you want to?
Love can make you want to do desperate things—especially the older you become. Hearing a man tell you that he will give you the world as long as you say yes to anything he wants, can be tempting, but is it worth your dignity and soul? Nothing is ever completely free and you might think saying yes to anything a guy wants is simple, but trust me, it is not.
I dated a man who ended a relationship with me because I was not willing to be a yes woman. He said that he would take care of me (pay for all my bills) and give me whatever I wanted (materialistic things), but, I would have to agree to whatever he wanted me to do. Just to be clear, I am not talking about basic compromising that would be supportive to him emotionally. The things he was expecting me to participate in were way too inappropriate for me to list, but I am sure you can use your imagination.
"Love is about saying yes to whatever please me." BS it is! Controlling someone does not equate to love, it equate to a form of slavery.
I am proud to say that I am not a yes girl, nor will I ever be. I will not agree to do things that I do not feel comfortable with just to please a man. Saying yes to everything does not define love. This expectation from any man defines enslavement on an emotional, physical and mental capacity—which willingly, I would never sign up for, so I declined his insulting "offer."
When a man expects you to say yes to everything that he wants: open relationships, threesomes, events he wants you to go to, times you get to see him, sexual proclivities, etc—this is called control. Being in a relationship is about giving and receiving with love and respect equally, from both people involved.
Compromise is important in all relationships. Do not get confused, saying yes all the time is not compromising—it is agreeing in order to please someone, which in turn sacrifices who you are as a person, and will eventually cause unhappiness in your life.
Being in a relationship means being there for the person you love, and sometimes doing things you 100% don't want to do, however, when you know it is really important to the person you are with—you compromise. Again, this does not mean all the time. It's important that you don't sacrifice your own happiness in order to keep a man.
Some women have a hard time emotionally letting a man into their life who wants to "take care" of them. The fear—having a man take away her independence, but there is a huge difference between true love and respect verses a man who is motivated by control.
Regardless if a woman screams from her rooftop how independent she is, most women still crave love and deep down inside are hopeless romantics. What single, straight woman doesn't envision a guy knowing she is the one and sweeping her off her feet?
Yes, I am independent and I don't need a guy to "take care" of me, however knowing that a man wants to—feels great. Any woman who proclaims otherwise is only fooling herself—and potentially prolonging the lack of love by not being honest with herself. Knowing that you want a guy who wants to take care of you emotionally, physically and mentally doesn't make you weak or dependent on a man. It makes you open to being loved, and deserving of a man who will value you.
The beautiful thing about this world is that there are so many types of men out there, and you are bound to find the right type for yourself. That means not settling for the wrong one by continually being a yes girl—this will only hurt you in the long run.
Ladies, compromise is always important in any relationship, however, there is a huge difference between compromising and always agreeing. Relationships aren't about hiding your true essence for the rest of your life. A man should have the opportunity to love you for you, not who he thinks you are. No man is worth you not being your authentic self.