- Gender and Relationships
Are You Attracting Men With Endings? -Stephanie Bailey
When you attract men with endings, it is because you are afraid of getting your heart broken again. Most of us are all guilty of it but are sometimes unaware that we are doing it.
What is a man with an ending? A man with an ending is someone who has no potential future with you. He doesn't want to get married or be in a committed relationship. He is in the service and is being deployed, so commitment is not an option for him. He is married or in a serious relationship with someone else. He is emotionally unavailable due to past relationship failures. He is not available to be with you because of a demanding job. These are a few examples of men with an ending.....you get the picture.
When your heart is broken or damaged it is hard to trust a new person. Sometimes to keep your heart, and in some cases your sanity protected, you develop an emotional wall. You start attracting men who only have endings. We do not even realize that we are doing this, but we will complain—blaming the men we date. We believe that it is their fault, even if they were clear in the beginning that there was no future. We do this so we do not have to take a deeper look inside ourselves.
Why am I stuck in this pattern of attracting men with endings, and how can I change it?
Patterns are hard to change in ordinary life, usually because you do not recognize you are in one. They are especially hard to change when it comes to romance. It is like a person stating that they are broke and don't know why, yet still go to Starbucks every day and order a grande double espresso mocha latte with soy milk (for over $5). Sometimes something that seems obvious to everyone is not obvious to the person who is doing it.
Denial can feel like a safe house when you have been hurt.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard my girlfriends complain about not finding the right guy. They express how they only attract men who don't want a commitment, men who only want sex, and who never take the time to call. Hmmmm. When we talked about the types of guys they had dated since their last heart break, each of the men had an "ending" before I was told why they felt the relationship didn't last. Although the situations were obvious (to me) right from the start, they weren't to each of my friends who were involved.
Here are some of the reasons several of my girlfriends gave why the relationship didn't last, or why they didn’t move to the next level:
1. "I tried dating my best friend—but he was so busy dating other people that it never worked out."
2. "He was living with his ex-girlfriend but told me it was because it wasn't convenient for her to move out right away—and then I found out that they still share the same bed."
3. "I never would hear from him unless I called first."
4. "He would never take me on dates."
5. "He wouldn't hold my hand or show any affection in public and when we would bump into his friends or coworkers he wouldn't introduce me."
6. "He said he was separated from his wife, however I never knew where he lived—he would only come to my place."
7. "He was going through a divorce that never ended up happening."
8. "At first I caught him in small lies but then the lies got progressively bigger."
9. “He would avoid meeting my friends and family.”
10. "After having a kid he got a vasectomy, but told me he would possible have another kid—almost a year into the relationship, he said he would never reverse it, nor wanted more kids."
All of these situations involved men that my girlfriends had no possibility of a future with, yet they could not recognize this fact. These men were not emotionally ready or interested, and their actions definitely showed it.
The energy we put out there creates what we ultimately want or get.
If you are not ready for a relationship, your energy will attract men who are also not ready—men with endings. If you want to attract a man who is ready for a healthy relationship that doesn't have a defined ending, take the time to properly heal after a breakup versus jumping into relationships after relationships that have no chance of working.
When you love yourself, you will attract a man who will also love and want to be with you. You will attract a man with the possibility of a happy future, not just one with another sad ending.