- Gender and Relationships
Are You Bored With Him?
Stepping into a new relationship can be exciting. There is something unexplainable about the newness of being with a guy that you have a connection with. Maybe it's because you are both putting your best foot forward—making 100% effort to keep the spark strong? Or maybe it just feels completely organic to be with that person? Whatever it was that initially peaked your interest (to the point that you have been dating awhile or exclusively)—how do you keep from getting bored?
It can be easy in the beginning of a relationship to loose ones attention, especially if you are dating a guy who travels a great deal, lives in another state, has children (spends a lot of time with them—that you haven't met), or he has a very busy or demanding schedule.
Realizing that your excitement, as well as your full attention for the guy you're dating is starting to fade—boredom is taking over and the thrill is dissipating, can be more than frustrating. When this feeling occurs it can seem as if another potentially great relationship is slowly being sucked down an inevitable drain.
What happens that causes some people to get bored easily in relationships—making them feel as if there is something mentally wrong?
When a close friend of mine asked me if there was something wrong with her because she tends to get bored easily in relationships, I couldn't help but giggle and tell her, "who doesn't at times, especially when there are men who are obviously willing to make an effort and those that are not." As she opened up about the various relationships she has had—the ones that she started losing interest with—finding less and less entertaining, were the ones that had a great show in the beginning, but by the third or fourth act, became mundane. Although these men definitely wanted to see and spend time with her—their effort was bleak when planning dates.
Although technology has made it easier to connect in hopes to finding someone, it takes more than that to keep the interest and spark alive.
I can't tell you how many times my girlfriends and I have been in relationships where a connection was there—an undeniable spark, but, due to either the lack of seeing the guy or feeling unappreciated (he's not making an effort to plan dates)—poof, the spark was gone. Although out of sight, out of mind can make you miss someone, it can also make you loose interest—especially when the relationship hasn't been fully established with quality time.
Sometimes the loss of interest happens so naturally it can make you feel as if you are a robot—shutting down your feelings in a blink of an eye, as though they never even existed in the first place.
Why does boredom, disinterest or lack of wanting to continue dating a guy set in?
Here Are A Few Reason Why:
1. He's goes from being consistent to inconsistent with his actions. There are many women who are a creature of habit. This doesn't mean that they don't enjoy spontaneity once in a while or surprises (as long as they are good). But, when a guy goes from being consistent in his actions (reaching out, making an effort) to changing his pattern quickly—it's discerning and kills the excitement for us—causing boredom to set in.
2. He's not keeping Your attention. We don't need a song and dance or a consistent broadway show, however, we need to know you are trying—not only setting time in your schedule to see us, but having a thought out plan when you do.
3. He's too comfortable too soon. In relationships it's easy to get too comfortable—not appreciating us as much as you did when we first met. This is definitely a big reason why a lot of woman get bored in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to stay in once in awhile: listen to music, watch a movie, make dinner or order in. But, in the dating stages, the option—if you want to see him, shouldn't shift from planned dates to you going to his house all the time where he's wearing sweatpants, a raggedy t-shirt and a baseball cap. This ladies can definitely make you feel as if the relationship is heading to stagnant-vill fast!
4. He's a Lazy Dater in disguise. When a guy goes out of his way to woo you—planning the first and second date with such thought and perfection, it's hard to consume when the lazy dater side kicks in so quickly. As one of my friends would always say when dating, "if he doesn't seal the deal, someone else will." Meaning: the guy who makes the most effort to win and keep your heart will ultimately be the one you want to be with. However, he also needs to figure this out before someone else's does.
5. There is no mystery or intrigue anymore. In the beginning of a relationship it's important to have communication and be able to talk about things, however we don't want to see all your cards (reveling too much too soon) on the table right away. This can kill the romance. You should always want to know more about a guy, not less.
Savoring the beginning stages of a relationship is important. When you rush the beginning stages, the romance and effort has an easier chance of blowing out. Most men, in order to value you, need to work for you. If you're deciding to become exclusive—"boyfriend"/"girlfriend" only after a few weeks, are you really shocked if the effort he was making fades? Boredom-one-o-one.
Ladies, if he's a guy you really like—maybe you possibly see a future with, know that it takes two to keep the spark alive. Dress sexy when you see him. Send risqué photos (not naked) and flirty text massages. Remember, communication is always the key. Before you let the spark die, talk to him—if he is the right guy, he will work with you on rekindling and keeping the flame lit. If not, it's time to blow this candle out and find one that's worth keeping the flame with.