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Are You Ignoring Obvious Red Flags?—28 hints you might be

Updated on December 22, 2014
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Red Flags: are negative signs in a relationship.

Has he changed the way he speaks to you?

Has he stopped sending the cute texts throughout each day?

Has he lessened or stopped how often he sees you?

If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions—your answer is: He is just not that into you. Period. Move on. If he wants to see you, talk to you, be with you.... He Will Make The Time.

When you are grasping on to the hope of love, it can be easy to ignore the obvious Red Flags that are appearing in a relationship. Red Flags in my opinion, are gifts from the Universe. These signs, if you are paying attention, make it obvious that the guy you think is right for you...is not.

Usually Red Flags will start off subtle, making you raise an eyebrow and start to question things. When the Red Flags perpetuate, and you choose not to pay attention, it is only a matter of time before the inevitable happens. When your relationship finally does ends, it's relieving for everyone around you, who paid attention to the signs, and tried to warn you.

Spotting a Red Flag can be easy, if you remove your rose colored glasses and stop making excuses to his obvious change of heart. Red Flags are mostly seen in his actions. The way he is treating you will always speak louder than words. If he tells you that he misses you, but never makes time to see you anymore—obvious Red Flag that something is wrong.

When a Red Flag situation comes up, I get it, it's natural to want to ignore it, because no woman wants to face the fact that her relationship is going downhill—and she doesn't understand why.

I have been guilty of ignoring Red Flags. By ignoring them I thought that somehow, someway they would magically disappear. I hoped that the fabulous relationship I previously had would come back. From my experiences, this was never the case. In fact, the Red Flags would continue to get bigger and more evident, until I was forced to stop making excuses for the way he was treating me. Unfortunately, the longer I waited, the more my heart was invested, and in turn the greater hurt I experienced.

In order to protect your heart, as well as your mental stability, communicating the shift you are feeling from him is imperative. Trust your instincts and know that when you are noticing or feeling a negative change, most likely, it is not your imagination.

Once you communicate what you are feeling, if he really cares for you and wants a relationship—seeing a future with you, he will listen to you. He will validate your feelings, and do everything in his power to turn the negative situation you are experiencing with him into one that is positive.

Relationships are bound to change some, as this is human nature. However, if things between you begin to change drastically—in a negative way, and it's only been a few months that you have been together, it's a Red Flag. That type of change is usually due to something that you have no control over...just being you. We all have personalities and when a guy loses interest it's because he felt that your personality no longer meshed with his—for one reason or another.

So why has he been dating you for many months and now decides that he's is no longer digging your personality? Because men aren't as emotionally connected as woman. That's why they tend to show how they really feel through their actions. It was probably several weeks or possibly months ago—that if you think back, you started to see his actions change toward you. Probably subtle at first, it usually is, before it slowly increases. So why do men take their time versus being upfront and honest?

Men like beautiful women, and sex—if both are involved, it is harder for a guy to completely let go. Why should he if you are still hanging on even though he has emotionally let go. If you are still open and willing to have sex with him after he has blown you off for weeks—not calling/texting until he's horny, doesn't that really make you the idiot?

A guy friend of mine would constantly tell me that, "the pussy has all the power." This statement is true if you are having great sex. Men don't necessarily want to fully end things right away if they don't have to. They will hang on as long as you will let them, but as I mentioned, they will emotionally back away. It will only be necessary to call, text and see you just enough to keep you emotionally invested for sex. Again, if you can be honest with yourself, you will see these Red Flags, and not put up with his crap.

Changing how a man feels towards you can happen quicker than a blink of an eye. It usually starts out with something small and out of your control. Maybe it was a look you gave or the way you said something that reminded him of his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, that now he can't possibly get out of his head. Or, a guy could have had pedestal syndrome towards you when you first met—liking the idea of you, but now that he realizes that you have a brain—which involves thinking and having an opinion, finding you less desirable.

Whatever it is that has caused the Red Flags to appear, the quicker you can spot them, the better off you will be—not wasting your time and energy on a guy who clearly does not feel the same towards you.

28 Red Flags—after several months (or even weeks) of dating. Wake up and pay attention....

  1. He hasn't introduced you to his family that live less than an hour away—that he's is very close to
  2. His family doesn't even know he has a girlfriend
  3. He's introduced you to his kids several times, but then puts the kibosh on continuing to hang out with them
  4. You've never been to his place
  5. You keep getting lower and lower on his priority list
  6. You haven't spent a weekend together in over a month or longer
  7. You used to see him several times a week and now it's a few times a month
  8. He stopped making plans to see you, now it's only last minute
  9. He doesn't call or text as much as he used to
  10. He comes up with every excuse of why he's too busy to see you
  11. You have sex, but there are never any sleepovers—and if had them, they start to cease
  12. He doesn't make any effort or follow through to plan trips with you, but he will plan them for himself
  13. When you call, he never picks up, but when you're together he always answers his phone
  14. Planned dates have ceased—now all you do is have sex or watch movies.
  15. His parents come to town and he doesn't invite you to meet them
  16. You use to go to his place a lot and now he never invites you over anymore
  17. Sex starts to become obsolete
  18. He stops doing the little things that make you make you happy—bringing you coffee when you're at his place, texting you "good morning sexy" and "good night baby"
  19. He doesn't bring you to family functions, friend events/weddings
  20. Talk of future plans—going on trips, upcoming events or future talk, start to cease
  21. He always needs to drink and/or party every time he's with you.
  22. He's hanging out with his friends more...and you less
  23. He stops taking personal interest in you
  24. He never makes an effort to come to your place—he expects you to always go to his
  25. He stops introducing you as his girlfriend
  26. PDA like hand holding, hugging, and kissing lessens, if not stops
  27. His guys nights consist of other woman being there, however he never invites you
  28. He avoids making holiday plans with you and they are coming up

Ladies, I'm not saying that you can't give him the benefit of doubt, maybe he's unaware of how he's treating you and the way he's coming across. Communicate how you feel. If his patterns still stays the same, he's definitely not worth your time. A guy who values you will do none of the above.

Bottom line, the only thing that should be red in your life is your wine, lipstick, nail polish, or the bottom of your high heel shoes.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)

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    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 7 months ago from Long Island, NY

      I know you wrote this relating to red flags about guys, but the lessons you teach here can also be applied to guys who see red flags with girlfriends. You wrote a really good article, and I can add one additional item that I experienced as a red flag.

      I once had a girlfriend who refused to talk openly about issues affecting our relationship. She didn't want to share in honest discussions and rather kept me in the dark about certain things that seemed strange to me. When I wanted answers and she said she couldn't tell me, I considered that a red flag. I gave up after a while when I felt she was keeping dark secrets.

    • Miss-Adventures profile image
      Author

      Stephanie Bailey 2 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Dr. Billy Kidd.

      Yes, that is true, however, when the person who's in the relationship is not paying attention or listening, this "truths" become red flags for everyone else on the outside who's listening.

      Thank you for reading!

    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 2 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Nice list!

      Many of these 28 items are not red flags. They are truths that the crazy love phase is over and so is your relationship.