- Gender and Relationships
Are You In Love With Him Or His Representative?
Often times, having a guy who knows how to "put his best foot forward," by saying and doing all of the right things, can be a curse.
Although the courting stage is important, it can also be a misrepresentation of who a guy really is and how he will ultimately treat you in the long run. In the beginning, it is a natural behavior for a guy who is attracted to you, to put his best foot forward, whether he is mostly interested in a physical relationship, or the whole package. Once he has conquered the initial attempt, does he completely change in the way he treats you?
Some men are great at the wooing process. However, the true test of his character is after weeks or months have gone by and he becomes comfortable enough to remove the mask, reviling himself to you. This is why it is so important not to rush into falling in love. Besides, you can't truly love someone you don't fully know.
When you take your time to get to know a guy—not getting wrapped up in the courting/honeymoon stage, you will be able to determine if he is actually a great match for you, if he wants an exclusive relationship, and if he does see long-term—possibly marriage with you, and if you want the same ultimate result with him.
What woman doesn't want a guy who is into her? A guy who will call just to say he is thinking of you. A guy who doesn't play games. A guy who will plan dates and make quality time to see you. A guy who will go out of his way to make you feel special—who you are attracted to and have chemistry with. But, is he only into you for a short period of time or will it last? Does this guy who's representing himself as the perfect guy for you, really exists for the long haul?
Time always tells. If a guy is exactly who he is representing himself to be—being genuine and sweet by treating you like the prize in the beginning of the relationship, then his patterns shouldn't change dramatically only after a few weeks or several months. In fact, they shouldn't change at all. The relationship should only become stronger over time.
Too many times women fall in love with the representative—the guy who is putting his best foot forward in the beginning of the relationship, versus waiting for the unveiling of who he really is—which usually shows up several weeks later. Unfortunately, in many cases, the unveiling is subpar compared to the representative they first met. By the time the unveiling occurs, it can be hard for many women to be honest with themselves since their emotions are based on what the representative was offering, that this "new, not so great guy," (as well as the relationship—which is going downhill), is actually not a good fit. Instead, they will hold onto the hope that the "amazing guy" who made an appearance in the beginning of the relationship, will one day will magically show up again. I wouldn't hold my breath.
Ladies, a reappearance of this "amazing guy" rarely happens unless he's done something to upset you, is up and down with his emotions, and/or not sure about how he feels towards you—causing him to go back and forth (if you allow him to treat you this way). Then and only then, will the "amazing guy" appear, to win your heart back—since that is who captured your heart to begin with. When he reverts back to his true self...because ultimately, they always do, this will leave you emotionally and mentally confused, drained and heartbroken.
Wake up! The true essence of a guy is how he sequentially treats you after several weeks/months have passed. This is not the guy who was on his best behavior to get in your pants or date you. The guy I'm referring to is the guy who has already slept with you and/or dated you for awhile— how is he guy treating you? Has he changed or has he stayed the same? And can you answer honestly? If you can't take the love goggles off to see his truth, you won't.
Love goggles can be impossible to take off, especially when you are stuck in la-la land—unable to face the idea of being alone. Why is being alone or starting over worse then being with someone who treats you disrespectfully? When you don't take the proper time to let a relationship slowly develop, you can be lead to believe that you are in love with the idea of just having someone in your life, when in truth, you are not.
A few of my close friends tend to fall in love very quickly with representatives. They want to be in love so badly that in the first few weeks to a month of having a guy court them, they will fall in love. Once the courting stops—which it usually does, they've let their emotions get wrapped up—holding onto the memory of how these guys treated them in the beginning, that they can't see how poorly they are actually being treated.
I get it. It is hard to not get wrapped up in the hoopla and piazzas of dating when it's is encompassed by a guy who is swooning over you, and then drizzled in the fact that he is attractive. However, when he starts to shed off his layers, is he really what you want, or are you actually remembering the guy who wooed you?
Being in love with a guy's representative means: whenever he treats you like crap and you decide enough is enough, and finally end things—all he has to do is have his representative reappear to win back your heart —which usually works, since that's who you fell in love with in the first place. This behavior is controlling, manipulative, unhealthy and can leave you devastated and confused, sometimes wondering what "you" did wrong!
Yes, there are men who represent themselves honestly, with "what you see is what you get." Yeah! If you are fortunate enough to meet a guy like this, hold on to him, he just may be a keeper. Even if you think he is a keeper, be OK with being patient during the dating process. Don't jump the gun—you don't want to end up with mixed emotions about who you are actually meeting. You won't know entirely if he is really who he is representing himself to be, until you have been through a few experiences together.
- Have you shared a holiday (or several) together or did he become busy, start a fight or put little to no effort in making you feel special?
- Have you gone through a crisis—physical, emotional or financial that has effected you, him or possible both? Was he there for you or did he emotionally push you away?
- Have you met his family and friends? Does his personality stay the same or does it drastically change when he's around his family and friends?
- Does he still treat you with love and respect or has that faded immensely after only a few weeks or months of dating?
- Is he still making an effort—planning dates, times to see you, doing the little things to make you feel special or had he done a 180?
Obviously, personalities will shift slightly as you continue dating and getting to know one another, however, the shift shouldn't be completely opposite from the guy you were originally attracted to.
Ladies, it can be so easy to fall for the representative—making you forget what you really want and how you should be treated. If a guy's personality changes so drastically after only a few weeks of dating—It's a major Red Flag! You shouldn't have to cling on or hold your breath waiting for a guy to one day treat you as he did when you first started dating. Have enough respect, love and self-worth for YOU, to know that YOU deserve someone who doesn't depend solely on their representative to reel you in.