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Are You In Love With The Drama Or The Guy?

Updated on August 18, 2014
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

"If he didn't care about me, we wouldn't fight."
"He's a passionate person, that's why we argue."
"I know he really loves me or he wouldn't keep trying to get back together when he ends things."
"We just have an intense, passionate relationship."
"I know that he loves me....he just has a hard time showing it."

When women enter into relationships that are drama filled, they will give themselves and everyone around them excuse after excuse to justify staying in that relationship. Their lack of self-worth will overwhelm the possibilities of even meeting a guy without drama because they will relate drama-filled relationships to true love.

Wake-up! Healthy relationships aren't surrounded by drama. This concept can feel foreign for many women and it's shocking. Drama does not equate to passion, which does not equate to love, like so many women unfortunately think.

I've had many friends, including myself, who have been in a drama filled relationship at some point in their life. From my personal experience, as well as for many other women I know, one experience was all that was needed to realize that drama does not equate to love. However, I have a few friends that still continue to have dramatic relationship after dramatic relationship—claiming that it's love. Are they really in love with the guy or the drama? Although this can seem one in the same, it is in fact two different things.

One of my close friends perpetually dates men with drama. One of the things that all these men have in common—besides the way they ultimately treat her, are their GQ looks. When she tries to convince me that she is in love with another dramatic guy, it is exhausting. This guy, like the others before, is up and down with his feelings towards her, but for some reason, she continues to still stay with him. Why should anyone be with someone who doesn't value, cherish and protect your emotions?

Relationships that are compatible, don't need convincing. My friend proceeded to tell me that the emotional roller-coaster ride (fights) she was having with her boyfriend, of eleven months, was due to the fact that he was, "going through a very stressful time." his stress has lasted eight of the eleven months they have been dating? What she fails to allow herself to believe, is that when someone cares about you, they will work hard to make you happy and strive to prevent arguments and vice versa. Regardless of their own personal issues, they will still value the relationship and most importantly, your feelings.

I'm not saying that arguments will never occur, however they should not completely encompass the relationship. When an argument does come up, are your feelings validated? Is he able to speak from a place of love—even if he doesn't fully understand and agree with you? Is he open to listening? And, can he admit when he is wrong? If no, why are you with him?

I've said this in many articles, if you can't fully love yourself, how can you truly love someone else? Many men are just as guilty of this as women. The only difference is, men tend to be more closed off with their feelings, thinking it's not "cool” or “manly" to talk about it when they are unhappy. They will tend to keep their emotions inside—unwilling or unable to even express their feelings with their guy friends to find a solution—letting it manifest until their emotions explode. So what is the solution?

Although therapy should be the solution, there needs to be an open line for communication, as well as the idea of therapy.

There are many men who are close-minded to therapy. They view therapy as “a waste of time, a weakness, unnecessary, or real men don't need therapy." There are other men who have participated in therapy for years, but continue on the same dramatic path. Never finding a solution or feeling the need for change. This occurs when they find a therapist that supports their unwillingness to change. Whichever direction a guy may take, he will continue to throw tantrums—acting out in a disrespectful manner, instead of communicating with love. So, why would any women want to be with a guy like this?

Some women are subconsciously addicted to drama. Just like the guy who claims that therapy is a waste of time or the guy who's not making any breakthroughs with his therapist—when a woman lacks self love, she will attract men who are on a similar path. A lack of self love is the catalyst.

When there is no drama—dating an even keeled, chill man, who doesn't have negativity can seem boring and "too safe" for women who consistently date men full of drama.

I was talking to a woman who admitted that she use to be addicted to the drama just as much, if not more than the man. She explained to me how she got in a fight with the guy she was dating once because she went to his house and got on the computer right away. This upset him so much that he screamed at her to get out. So she left, but he then proceeded to chase her down the street! She jumped into her car and he punched her driver side window, shattering glass all over her. The next day he blamed her, telling her that she closed the door on him, causing the window to break. Really?

Needless to say, he did punch out her window out, however, she was addicted to the drama and loved his body and the fact that he was very attractive, made her continue to stay with him for several more months...drama included. Since that guy with all the intense drama, she finally decided enough is enough, and was single for over a year before getting back into the dating pool—working hard at keeping the drama out of her life. Hurray!

Knowing your self worth is the key. Unfortunately, not every woman will realize this, keeping them on the path to attracting dramatic men and potentially dangerous men.

Another woman I know would keep telling me that she is over dating men with drama, but before she knew it she was back involved with another man—and a relationship that was filled with drama. Until she is able to see her self worth, she will continue to attract men with drama that regard her with little to no respect.

Ladies, until you can realize and understand why you keep entering into relationship that are surround by drama, you will keep doing it. Know your own self-worth and you will attract a man who love, values and respect you.


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    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      6 years ago from Denver

      Thank you realtalk247. Very great points. I appreciate you reading and commenting. :)

    • realtalk247 profile image


      6 years ago

      Well said.............." Until she is able to see her self worth, she will continue to attract men with drama that regard her with little to no respect."

      Until a woman loves herself the excuses and dysfunctional interaction will continue because subconsciously she is choosing unhealthy people. Women with value themselves do not "beg/bargain" for affection or love. Wonder where the "need to please" comes from with some women that enter relationships determined to convince a man to love them? Interesting.

      Love the article.

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      6 years ago from Denver

      Agree, agree, agree! Thank you Scott for reading. :)

    • profile image

      Scott A McCray 

      6 years ago

      People that perpetually date a drama llama remind me of a line from Halestorm's song " I Miss The Misery" -

      "I love the way that it hurts!

      I don't miss you, I miss the misery!"

      I never quite understood how folks could do that to themselves...

      Great hub, BTW!

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      6 years ago from Denver

      Thank you dashingscorpio for the Vote up and for reading!

      I completely agree with every point you have made. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago

      Very well written. Voted up and useful!

      Another common excuse people use for fighting all of the time is "We're just too much alike".

      I suspect some of these people would be bored to death in a "drama free" relationship. They also love the "makeup sex" aspect. Others are drawn to drama because that's what they witnessed in their own homes while growing up.

      Ultimately it's a waste of time and energy blaming the person (you choose) for relationships. The goal is to learn to make better mate choices for ourselves whether we're women or men.


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