- Gender and Relationships
Are You Letting The Holidays Dictate Your Happiness?
You are close to getting through the holidays and not feeling bad about yourself for the lack of a relationship. Whew...there is a ray of light ahead—or so you thought, until you realize that New Year's Eve is right around the corner and that means you have no one to kiss at the end of the countdown. Blah!
New Year's Eve can be very stressful for many single women—frantically trying to decide what your plans will be for the evening—where to go, what to wear and finding someone new to connect with and hopefully kiss when the ball drops at midnight. Since the possibility of staying home seems not only dreadful but also depressing, what does a single gal do?
Not having that special someone already lined up to ring in the New Year can be difficult on an emotional level—Yikes—another reminder that you are alone—like Valentine's Day isn't already hard enough—and that's the very next month. Although it can be extremely hard to get excited about celebrating the New Year it's important that if you do decide to go out you remove, scrub off and sage your desperation to avoid ugly crying when the ball drops versus a genuine happy champagne toast. Besides, if your primary goal is to find a guy that night you could be setting yourself up for major disappointment.
Many years ago a few of my single girlfriends and I decided to get dolled up and go out on the town to celebrate New Year's Eve. We found the perfect dresses, sassy shoes, and had our hair and makeup professionally done. That evening we went to a mutual friend’s house to have our first pre-new year's champagne toast—beginning what we all hoped would be a fabulous time. As we headed downtown for what should have been a fun celebratory night—things changed rather quickly.
One of my friends desperately wanted to find a guy to kiss by the stroke of 12am...Great. The second we walked into the bar she could not relax and have fun, her attention was strictly on finding a single attractive guy who would give her attention. She wasn't present—at all—for our girls New Year's Eve celebration and quickly became a downer. The more she stressed herself out about not finding a guy who was interested in her, the more she drank and became very emotional—ordering drinks quicker than I could count and not eating anything. Ugh!
Although there are many people who can drink and have fun during stressful or unhappy times, my friend is not one of those people. Booze brings out the evil in her and once this evil is out it's hard to tame. She cried a lot, got angry, had a pity party for herself about how she will never find love and will die alone—and basically became very dramatic and negative. Wonderful.
Unless you specifically go to a singles-only New Year's Eve party the only expectation you should have is enjoying ringing in the New Year with your friends. And honestly, even if you do go to a singles-only party there is still no guarantee you will meet or connect with anyone on a romantic level. Stop putting pressure on yourself...
There is so much pressure around the celebration of the New Year—all because of the New Year's kiss. Here's the thing, if there was no kissing tradition, or even the feeling that you had to be in a relationship to go out and enjoy your night—everyone would be able to have an enjoyable time without any stress.
Two of my best New Year's Eve experiences is when there was no announcement or countdown that the New Year was coming…
The first New Years was over ten years ago when I went to a house party—I was with a bunch of my close friends and we were having so much fun dancing and talking that by the time we realized the new year had already happened we all screamed "Happy Belated New Year" and went back to dancing, talking and drinking.
The second—and best—New Years I've had is when I have gone to a yoga class to ring in the New Year. The class would start around 10:30/45pm and go until 12:15am. The instructor does not stop the flow at 12am to announce the New Year but will instead gently inform us that the New Year has begun once the class is over. Not only has this been a very grounding and blissful experience—practicing yoga on the Eve of the New Year is also mentally, emotionally and physically rewarding.
Ladies, only you can decide how you want your New Year's Eve to be—enjoyable or not. If being single is really hard for you right now, that's ok—honor that space for you. Instead of going out, plan a fun celebration at home with your other single girlfriends. Maybe you get dressed up or have a super casual night drinking champagne and watching girly movies. New Years is recognizing that there is a new beginning ahead and a new start for so many wonderful opportunities to occur in life—including the possibility of love—so stay hopeful....you never know what magical things are coming your way in 2016. Cheers!