- Gender and Relationships
Are You OK With Love Not Being A Fairytale?
As women we can get completely wrapped up in the fantasy of wanting to be swept off our feet and "rescued" by some fictitious prince who we have made up in our heads that we end up closing ourselves off to reality.
Wake-up, relationships nor the guy you end up having a future with will ever be fairytale perfect so don't hold your breath or waste your time looking for that "perfect" guy.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you won't find a guy who will be perfectly matched for you—and mostly what you are looking for. However, there is a difference between finding someone who realistically fits what you want versus the fantasy you have created. Men and women are both very guilty of this.
It's easy as a society to want and expect to have a perfect mate as well as relationship.
We see this in movies when there is an attractive male or female lead and from the way they look, how they act, and the decisions they make (minus a few quirks) they seem perfect. We also see this on reality shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette—you immediately think that you want to date that type of person by the way they are showcased. Really?
Let's keep it real. If your perfection has to be showcased with glitz, glimmer and fantasy then chances are there is something that is being hidden—usually a personality flaw. Why would someone who is that perfect have a hard time finding love? Because they aren't perfect and that's why most of the relationships they find don't end up lasting once the show is over.
By creating an unrealistic fairytale image you are only setting yourself up for future disappointment...
As women, it can become easy to have this perfect image of what we think we want so that we end up closing our minds and hearts off when our so-called real Prince is closer to being a frog. No this doesn't mean that you should lower your standards or date a guy who you are not attracted to.
What this means is...if you think that you can only fall in love with a GQ looking guy, a guy who makes millions, or a guy with GQ looks that makes millions, than you are closing yourself off to love. Also in many cases these type of men come with a price. With men like this you might have to forfeit things you truly want—a guy who is completely monogamous, trustworthy and treats you with unconditional love, support and respect.
Do you really want to make finding love more challenging than it already is? Do you want one more stone to step over when there are so many in life already?
When we close our minds so much that our perfect prince is supposed to look a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way, have a certain job, make a certain amount of money, drive a certain car and live in a certain area...we end up pushing men away—and usually the great ones. All of those fairytale requirements block realistic love.
I get that most women want to know instantly if a guy is right for them. They want to be swept off their feet by charm, mind-blowing chemistry and a chiseled face (and body), however that type of chemistry isn't always lasting—and if it is, often it's just that—chemistry minus a healthy relationship.
Love is not a fairytale. I understand it can be difficult to let go of that vision that love is supposed to be perfect (of course after a few villains, evil witches or dragons are wounded in order to get to you—so that you can live happily ever after), especially since that is what we are taught to believe as little girls. However, there's a reason why that only happens in the movies.
Yes, there are women who have endured bad relationships and later have found a guy who has "rescued" them by showing them that good men do exist. The difference for these women is that their fairytale was created for them based on how they were ultimately treated versus having some fictitious vision of what perfect love should be prior to dating.
I have a friend who had been waiting a long time for her perfect fairytale relationship to arrive. She wanted it all and was unwilling to settle for anything less.
When she finally got the relationship she thought she wanted it ended up being completely the opposite. This guy was tall, dark and very handsome. He owned his own company, he was sophisticated, dressed in high end clothing, drove an expensive car and lived in an luxurious home. He appeared to have it all. He also took her to the best restaurants in town, would shower her with flowers and gifts and took her on lavish vacations. Sounds amazing right? Not necessarily, be careful what you wish for.
Her boyfriend not only ended up displaying sociopathic behavior, he was also a compulsive liar and cheater. Yikes. Since she was so caught up in the idea of the fairytale she created she was in complete denial until truth could no longer be ignored.
After a devastating break-up my friend no longer chose to look for fairytale love. She has realized that having a fairytale guy wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.
Ladies, love is not a fairytale, its reality. That reality can be hard at times, stressful, and can take lots of work, but it can also feel great, be rewarding, and worth the work. Love, just like life, is not wrapped up in the walls of a pretty castle. Be careful not to get caught up in the fairytale dream or you might not see that he is instead a "Prince Hans" in disguise.