- Gender and Relationships
Are You Ready To Share Your Life With Him?
Although it can be very easy to always blame the guy for not stepping up to the so-called "plate of commitment," or not moving the relationship to the next level, what if the real issue is you?
What you proclaim you want—a relationship, will come, but do you really want it? When you are consistently attracting men who are emotionally unavailable, men with endings or even men who are available, but when they ask you for a commitment, you panic inside, it is usually due to the fact that you are not completely emotionally available. Perhaps you don't feel you are worthy of this unconditional true love you are being offered.
Sometimes it can be easy to convince yourself that you want (and are ready for) a relationship— even when you are not, especially when most of your friends and siblings are in committed relationships, married and/or have kids.
As time passes and the longer you remain single, what you start to feel can be a double edged sword. Not being in a relationship can seem depressing, while at the same time, being in a relationship will seem frightening.
I fully believe that being single is a great way to figure out what you really want in a significant other and ultimately in a relationship. However, the longer you stay in single-hood—single or just dating, you can end up becoming very set in your ways and routines. Although having things you enjoy doing and routines that make you feel balanced are great, can you balance it all when you do meet a guy who wants to move the relationship to the next level? If you can't, then being in a commitment will feel suffocating.
You put the wish out there for a man who meets all of your criteria...he seems to be everything you want. He plays no games, he is trustworthy, respects you, talks to you with loving words, compliments you, and finds you sexy. He makes you laugh, you find him sexy, he is great in bed, he is affectionate, romantic, and he challenges you—making you want to be a better person each and every day. He also cooks and cleans, he is supportive of your passions and dreams, he is a great communicator, he is there for you when you need him, and your family and friends love him. So, what's the problem? Could the common denominator in all of your past equations actually be you?
It can be both exciting and scary to finally find the guy you have been wishing for. So scary that pushing him away—causing the relationship to unravel, may just seem easier than allowing your tender heart to become involved. For many women it can be difficult not to feel as though they are losing themselves when they are in a relationship, especially if they spend a lot of time with a guy and most of the things they have been doing on a consistent or regular basis changes—sometimes rather drastically.
Working out (gym, yoga, Pilates, etc.) lessen. Spending time with your friends, family, and even your beloved pet, seems to become less often. Time you had always spent running errands, paying your bills, and basic "you time," significantly changes as well. These lifestyle changes can make you feel tired, suffocated, and resentful. When you have these feelings, it can cause you to start questioning if any relationship is right for you and if you are indeed ready to share your life with him, or any man for that matter.
All relationships need to have a balance in order for you to not feel as though you are losing yourself. This balance can be hard to maintain, especially when the relationship is new and spending time together is all you want to do. Yes, it's natural to want to spend time together—the more time you spend, the closer you become—strengthening the relationship. But, how do you keep this relationship from unraveling or possibly tangling you up?
Communication is very important. I know that sometimes it can be hard to communicate what exactly is going on when you yourself are not fully aware. Without knowing, a conversation will seem pointless, however, a conversation still needs to happen—even if it's to express that you are having a challenging or emotional moment. Or, perhaps simply to let him know that you have a lot on your mind and you may need a few days on your own to sort things out. Expressing something, is better than nothing in order to prevent your relationship from unraveling. If he is the right guy for you, he will give you the space you need, listen to your concerns and be supportive.
Relationships can be scary and that's ok, they scare me. However, the realization—being able to recognize what you feel, will help you move past those feelings. Hiding your feelings will not, and most importantly, is unhealthy and benefits no one.
Ladies, changing the direction of a relationship from dating to exclusivity, can first make you feel ecstatic, before the panic button goes off. Realizing that you are no longer single—a free bird to do whatever you choose, whenever you choose to do it, can be more than frightening than being single. Give yourself a reality check. Are you just too selfish to share yourself with another? Or...is the thought of spending the rest of your life with just one person, no matter how special he is, just too much to accept?
Bottom-line, always be open and honest with yourself—as much as you can, about what you are feeling. Ultimately, you're the only one who really knows if you are ready to share your life with him. Although potentially scary, for the right guy, it is worth it.