- Gender and Relationships
Are You Too Involved In His Life?
Being too involved in a guy’s life is never a good practice. This kind of thing usually happens when you lack your own self-worth or think that by allowing a guy a higher level of importance than you give yourself, he will want and love you more. In reality, he will most likely lose a good amount of respect for you and feel like you require very little of his time and attention. This ladies, is just plain sad and very unhealthy.
Becoming so involved in a guy’s life is basically when, your life revolves around him. What he wants, needs and desires and making sure that you are constantly figuring out what all of this means and doing what he wants on his timeframe.
Of course it's important in any relationship to show you care. You should work on all relationships and let each other feel significant. But, there is a huge difference when everything is about the other person. When you choose to forfeit what you really want, or become so wrapped up in their life that you don't know what makes you happy anymore, this can only end up in a one-sided relationship.
Getting too involved in a guy’s life means that your happiness revolves solely around him, and you start making self-sacrifices. Your passions cease to exist or you stop enjoying what makes you happy and fulfilled. You spend very little time with your family and friends, if any at all. You mostly do all the things he loves doing, and you justify your behavior by claiming that his interests are also yours, even though people who know you, know that is a bunch of bull. Things you love don't seem to matter anymore, as long as you are with him. This is frightening!!
Yes, most women are natural care-takers—making it easy to fall into the role of a Mrs. Cleaver however, should that mean every breath you take, every move you make is all about him, and only him? Don't you want experiences that are just yours? I get it, many times when a guy opens the door to "take care of you"—not wanting you to work, it can feel as if you then owe him your soul—which in many cases usually ends up happening, however it doesn't have to if you don't let it. The choice is yours.
When a guy claims that he wants to "take care of you"—again, not needing to work, it usually comes with a price—forgoing your wants, needs and sanity—basically doing whatever he wants, which is frankly a control issue. In most situations, nothing in life is free trade—or at least in my experience, it has never been that way.
It can be a slippery slope if you are too tangled in a relationship with a man who takes care of you and expects you to be the type who will drop everything for him. Not a good scenario and most likely you are losing a piece of you, day by day. To prevent this, communication is important—never assume. Know his expectations and discuss yours. Set boundaries and be clear from the very beginning about what you are and are not comfortable with.
Relationships should be about give and take—and that should not involve sacrificing yourself, your needs and your passions for anybody. When a woman spends most of her day making sure the needs of her man are fully met first, when does she get to be taken care of? Furthermore, what is she doing for herself—passion, hobby, job, to make herself fulfilled?
I have a friend who "always takes care of her man,"—first and foremost. When I have asked her what her passions were, she didn't know. She had been focused on her boyfriend for so many years that she had completely forgotten about herself. Diving in deeper, she wasn't fully happy.
She always wanted to have a passion—something that was her own, but there was a guilt to even do anything, since her boyfriend was paying for everything. So in return, she was doing everything for him. She wakes up early, and while her boyfriend is in the shower, she makes him breakfast. As he is eating breakfast, she will make his lunch. On days that she doesn't make lunch, or perhaps he doesn't like what's in the frig, she will bring him lunch from whatever establishment he is craving. When he leaves for work, she cleans the house, does the laundry, runs countless errands, shops for groceries and has dinner waiting for him by the time he gets home. She literally doesn't have any time to think about herself since she is also "on call" for him in case he needs anything during the day. Hearing all of this was exhausting. Not giving her self-time to dive into what would really make her happy, was making her unhappy and bitter.
In any relationship there always needs to be a healthy balance...
Being too involved in a guy’s life is not healthy. Becoming too focused on him will eventually cause resentment and a feeling of emptiness—because something is missing...your life! Clearly, I'm not saying that you shouldn't dote on your man nor do things, i.e.: making him breakfast, lunch and/or dinner, if that is your thing in order to help elevate stress for him. Keep in mind though, if you are falling into the role of wife-maid, completely forgoing you, then this is not a benefit to the relationship or to yourself.
Ladies, it's important to also have a life of your own— away from your man, and do things for yourself. If he really loves you, he will want you to have your own passions and emotionally support you on your journey to finding or maintaining whatever this may be for you. Learn to create a healthy balance for your relationship where you both feel loved, valued, supported and appreciated.
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