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Asking a Woman Out

Updated on January 6, 2021

It doesn't have to be difficult

With practice comes confidence
With practice comes confidence | Source

Not an insurmountable problem

It's unfortunate that a lot of guys out there are afraid to approach a woman. They feel frozen and tense. They've got ice in their veins and their tongues feel too big in their mouths when they even think of inviting out a woman they're really into. Suddenly they're not able to speak any human language at all.

I've known men who were single for years, simply because they were too afraid and nervous concerning females. It doesn't have to be this way, and there are many methods on how to overcome fear and nervousness in this area.

First of all, you have to realize that there's nothing to be afraid of, not even rejection. You should also realize that having the bravery to come up to a woman you're really attracted to, is an accomplish in itself. You're trying to speak to another human being, not a monster who will devour you once you come within a few yards.

It's not easy initially, but you will find out that the more women you ask out, your facility will increase. You won't even think about it anymore and you'll gradually acquire an aura of confidence women will definitely notice. This will make you more attractive and increase your chances of success.

So here's some advice for the beginning: you start with a psychological exercise. Let's say there's a woman you like at your job, let's call her Adriana. You like the girl, she's single, and you want to ask her out on a date. And even better yet, let's hypothesize that she's even less than an acquaintance.

Adriana is sitting at her desk. It seems a long and dreadful distance from your place to hers. Your heart's banging against your ribs and you're so nervous that you feel like making a massive bowel movement instead. In your mind, you're small and insignificant. She's towering and intimidating.

Stop right there with those thoughts! Before you crash through the barrier between you and Adriana, you've got to crash through the barrier in your mind. Now, this may seem amusing for you, but when I first made up my mind to start approaching women (age 19), I used to pretend I was someone else. For example, I would imagine that I was some rock star, like Mick Jagger. I would say to myself: "Come on, man, Mick Jagger wouldn't be afraid of kicking it to that girl. Just strut over there and ask her out!"

Once I imagined that I was some legendary rock 'n' roll singer, it was absolutely no problem to go there and ask out the beautiful redhead at the university library desk I'd been checking out for days. And guess what? She said yes!

So, at first, you can pretend you're somone you admire. Just forget yourself for an instance. Think of some guy you look up to, a man who you think is cool. Pretend that you're this other person, and erase yourself completely from the situation. Role-play. You'll see how easy it is to approach Adriana and ask her out to lunch or a few drinks after work.

Now the important thing to remember, is to alter your goals here. As a beginner you're not trying to get a date with a girl. No, no. What you're trying to do, is overcome your fear of approaching a girl. It doesn't matter whether the girl says yes or no. At this point it's not important, and you'll come to see in the long term that the result won't be as vital as you think it is at the moment. The benefit of suffering a few rejections when you're starting off is that you will have more opportunities to increase your skill and fluidity when it comes to asking a woman out.

The first time is the most difficult, the most painful. OK, Adriana rejected you. Perhaps she had a boyfriend you had no idea about, perhaps she made that up so she wouldn't have to turn you down cold. It doesn't matter. Now you see that you didn't drop dead of a cardiac arrest. Now you see that the most difficult part was crossing the space between you and Adriana. Now you see, that once you were in front of her and about to open your mouth, it actually wasn't so difficult, was it?

The second, third and the fourth times will be easier. You won't even have to pretend to be Mick Jagger anymore. The lag between seeing a girl you like and asking her out will start to decrease. Your heart won't beat so hard anymore, your digestive system won't experience any major upheavals. You will be much more relaxed, smile more, your routine becoming looser. Your flow will be more casual.

And best of all, you will start to enjoy the sheer narcotic thrill of pursuing a woman, regardless of the result.

Having the courage to approach a woman without any fear whatsoever in your heart is a marvellous experience in itself. You will start to enjoy the excitement of the hunt. Once you lose your fear of approaching women, your "hunting" area will drastically expand. Asking out a girl from work, is rather "safe." It takes a lot more courage and skill to approach a woman spontaneously on the street, in a bookshop, cafe or restaurant. This is going out into the field. You will find that doing so will become second nature to you, when you do it again and again and again.

After some time you will be grinning and crackling with confidence. Your delivery will become more virtuosic and every "no" will take you closer to a "yes."

Once you feel certitude in asking a woman out, you can start incorporating witty or standout lines into your delivery. But in my own experience, nothing compares to plain bravery and directness. Your aura of confidence will have an affect on the people around you, and it will lend power to even the simplest, most direct statements you make towards the woman you're attracted to.

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