ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Asking a Woman Out

Updated on January 6, 2021

It doesn't have to be difficult

With practice comes confidence
With practice comes confidence | Source

Not an insurmountable problem

It's unfortunate that a lot of guys out there are afraid to approach a woman. They feel frozen and tense. They've got ice in their veins and their tongues feel too big in their mouths when they even think of inviting out a woman they're really into. Suddenly they're not able to speak any human language at all.

I've known men who were single for years, simply because they were too afraid and nervous concerning females. It doesn't have to be this way, and there are many methods on how to overcome fear and nervousness in this area.

First of all, you have to realize that there's nothing to be afraid of, not even rejection. You should also realize that having the bravery to come up to a woman you're really attracted to, is an accomplish in itself. You're trying to speak to another human being, not a monster who will devour you once you come within a few yards.

It's not easy initially, but you will find out that the more women you ask out, your facility will increase. You won't even think about it anymore and you'll gradually acquire an aura of confidence women will definitely notice. This will make you more attractive and increase your chances of success.

So here's some advice for the beginning: you start with a psychological exercise. Let's say there's a woman you like at your job, let's call her Adriana. You like the girl, she's single, and you want to ask her out on a date. And even better yet, let's hypothesize that she's even less than an acquaintance.

Adriana is sitting at her desk. It seems a long and dreadful distance from your place to hers. Your heart's banging against your ribs and you're so nervous that you feel like making a massive bowel movement instead. In your mind, you're small and insignificant. She's towering and intimidating.

Stop right there with those thoughts! Before you crash through the barrier between you and Adriana, you've got to crash through the barrier in your mind. Now, this may seem amusing for you, but when I first made up my mind to start approaching women (age 19), I used to pretend I was someone else. For example, I would imagine that I was some rock star, like Mick Jagger. I would say to myself: "Come on, man, Mick Jagger wouldn't be afraid of kicking it to that girl. Just strut over there and ask her out!"

Once I imagined that I was some legendary rock 'n' roll singer, it was absolutely no problem to go there and ask out the beautiful redhead at the university library desk I'd been checking out for days. And guess what? She said yes!

So, at first, you can pretend you're somone you admire. Just forget yourself for an instance. Think of some guy you look up to, a man who you think is cool. Pretend that you're this other person, and erase yourself completely from the situation. Role-play. You'll see how easy it is to approach Adriana and ask her out to lunch or a few drinks after work.

Now the important thing to remember, is to alter your goals here. As a beginner you're not trying to get a date with a girl. No, no. What you're trying to do, is overcome your fear of approaching a girl. It doesn't matter whether the girl says yes or no. At this point it's not important, and you'll come to see in the long term that the result won't be as vital as you think it is at the moment. The benefit of suffering a few rejections when you're starting off is that you will have more opportunities to increase your skill and fluidity when it comes to asking a woman out.

The first time is the most difficult, the most painful. OK, Adriana rejected you. Perhaps she had a boyfriend you had no idea about, perhaps she made that up so she wouldn't have to turn you down cold. It doesn't matter. Now you see that you didn't drop dead of a cardiac arrest. Now you see that the most difficult part was crossing the space between you and Adriana. Now you see, that once you were in front of her and about to open your mouth, it actually wasn't so difficult, was it?

The second, third and the fourth times will be easier. You won't even have to pretend to be Mick Jagger anymore. The lag between seeing a girl you like and asking her out will start to decrease. Your heart won't beat so hard anymore, your digestive system won't experience any major upheavals. You will be much more relaxed, smile more, your routine becoming looser. Your flow will be more casual.

And best of all, you will start to enjoy the sheer narcotic thrill of pursuing a woman, regardless of the result.

Having the courage to approach a woman without any fear whatsoever in your heart is a marvellous experience in itself. You will start to enjoy the excitement of the hunt. Once you lose your fear of approaching women, your "hunting" area will drastically expand. Asking out a girl from work, is rather "safe." It takes a lot more courage and skill to approach a woman spontaneously on the street, in a bookshop, cafe or restaurant. This is going out into the field. You will find that doing so will become second nature to you, when you do it again and again and again.

After some time you will be grinning and crackling with confidence. Your delivery will become more virtuosic and every "no" will take you closer to a "yes."

Once you feel certitude in asking a woman out, you can start incorporating witty or standout lines into your delivery. But in my own experience, nothing compares to plain bravery and directness. Your aura of confidence will have an affect on the people around you, and it will lend power to even the simplest, most direct statements you make towards the woman you're attracted to.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)