- Gender and Relationships
Avoiding Domestic Violence When Dating - A Single Guy's Advice
More Help With Domestic Violence
It’s not ok, it’s never ok. Spousal abuse or any type of domestic abuse, including child abuse is never ok. Being a single man who is very socially active enables me to go out quite often. It never fails to amaze me that when sitting talking over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine a woman will tell me about some terrible experience she encountered in a past relationship.
In honesty it seems to have happened to more than half of the single women I know, an assault by a man who was supposed to love and cherish them. Two distinct cases come to mind, the first a gal was telling me that on Christmas morning instead of unwrapping presents the doctors were wrapping her broken hand until she could get in for surgery shortly after the holiday. She told me of the times this man, her husband, had delivered a backhand to the face for being late from a lunch date with a gal from work, or belittled for dinner not being made on time.
The second time that comes to mind was a woman hiding in the dog house in the back yard while her husband searched around, she remembered feeling the throbbing of the cigarette burns on the inside of her arm, and I saw the scars myself. She told me those are a reminder to never trust a man again. She remembered hiding there and watching as he stumbled around the back yard before passing out a few feet from the hiding spot she sat in, she waited for an hour to make sure he was asleep before climbing out and getting her keys and escaping from the horror she had been living with. Reduced to someone who had to hide in a place meant for a dog had made her realize just how bad it had become. At least she had escaped. I remember her asking me: How can I tell a good man?
I pondered over this for a while before coming up with these simple things to look for.
1. First and foremost check the criminal registry. It is a free service provided by each state and it shows all convictions and lawsuits lost. I have known women who have looked there before going on dates with a guy to find they have been found guilty of domestic violence or even child enticement. They opted not to go out with the men.
2. Before you go out with him befriend him on Facebook, it might seem kind of silly, but it will give you great insight on the kind of character of the gentleman (or not). I would suggest setting up a second Facebook account for those you don’t want to have close contact with, where you keep your personal life clear from, it’s a great tool to use for co-workers, in-laws, and possible romantic interests.
3. Find out if he has any female friends. Simply put, if he can’t manage to keep a few female friendships is he going to be able to build something more?
It might seem like you are spying on him a little, but your safety and the safety of your kids (if you have them) is the primary focus. In my experience about half of the women I socialized with over the years have been a victim of domestic abuse. Don’t be one of them, use your head check the guy out. If he is worth it you will soon know.