ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Weeding out the Jerks: Bad Boys and Good Times

Updated on April 3, 2015

background

I have been writing a book called Weeding Out the Jerks. This is part of the chapter on bad boys. Some parts of chapters and the introduction are in other hubs and are published on the web as well. It is meant mostly for entertainment but it also allows us to recognize mistakes we make in trying to find our perfect mate.

Let me state that this is not a book about male bashing. Both genders make plenty of mistakes. It is a focus on women indeed, and the signs of a bad relationship they choose to ignore that causes a lot of heartache. When I finish this one, perhaps I will write one on the bad women that men choose.

Source

Why we like Bad Boys

Bad boys are the most exciting, sexy, interesting, and detrimental relationships that we get in to. We seek out bad boys. We are attracted to them. We want them. We ultimately think we can change them. There is good news here and there is bad news. First the good news; they are sexy, interesting, and exciting. Now the bad news; they are detrimental to our relationship health and we will not change them.

Bad boys have, by far, the best all time lines ever. They make you feel wanted and sexy and beautiful and desirable all at the same time. What woman doesn’t need to feel that way, and often? They chase you and chase you until you finally give in, or until they can’t hear the word “no” anymore. Either way, it usually ends shortly after. A true bad boy will not offer you a future, or a commitment, but he is so artful at his game that it doesn’t matter. As I told one of my favorite bad boys, we women need the illusion. Be it that we want a long term relationship, or that we want to feel that we are the only one, we need that illusion, and they usually provide it without ever saying it is something they want.

Bad boys make you feel so good about yourself, that it is hard not to want them. I have fallen in the bad boy trap many times. They can make you feel like you are the only person they have ever been able to talk to, which pulls on your feminine side, and they can make you feel like the most desirable woman they have ever met, which pulls on your ego side. When I talk about bad boys being detrimental to your relationship health, these are the things I talk about. They can pull you in, and make you feel like you found your best friend, and soul mate. You begin to tell them things that no human ear has ever heard before. You listen to their stories and believe that your ears are the only ones that have ever heard them. Then, when the time comes, and it always does, that they finally get what they want, or they can’t take the rejection any more, they break your heart.

I have a good friend that once told me that most men are not capable of being a friend without the belief that it will lead to something sexual. That is a very hard belief to swallow, but after years of losing male friends, I finally believe him. There are exceptions, but they are rare. The denial of this fact is what gets us into the bad boy heart ache.

Now I happen to really, really, REALLY like men. I would much rather have a male buddy at my side for cocktails then a female any day, unless of course, I am male bashing. I have lost countless “friends” because of the word “no”. But for the most part, I would not change any of it. It hurts like hell when I find out that I was just another unfulfilled conquest, but I can usually go into it with the understanding that it will end, and at least avoid some of the sting. I am ever hopeful that one day, I will truly find a man that will stay by my side, as a friend, and till death do our friendship part.

Why aren’t we attracted to the good guys? I was standing in line at the gas station and I watched and listened to the cashier flirt with a nice man as she rung up his purchases. When she completed his transaction and he was walking out the door she commented to him “Gee you are a nice guy”. I chuckled to myself and asked her, “Do women ever really like nice guys?” Her answer was, “No, they are just not attractive”.


Is marriage in our future?

commitment
commitment | Source

The Problem with Bad Boys

Bad boys offer us the illusion we so desperately want. MOST bad boys never tell us what we want to hear, but they tell us enough that we turn it in our minds to be what we want. A line, for example, would be that they tell us a man would be crazy not to want to spend the rest of their lives with us. Now they really are not saying that they want to spend it with us, but what we hear is that they do.

What we need to learn is that bad boys come and go and happiness with them is fleeting, and that the good guys we may find boring at first are usually the true diamonds in the ruff.

© 2013 Rebecca Shepherd Thomas

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • rebthomas profile imageAUTHOR

      Rebecca Shepherd Thomas 

      4 years ago from Powell Ohio

      Yes some men do change. Congrats on your engagement. I am glad you found a keeper.

    • LisaMarie724 profile image

      Lisa Stover 

      4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      Some men can change, my fiancé started out as a 'bad boy' so to speak. Enjoyed reading this hub, can't wait to read more from you.

    • Jessica Nix profile image

      Jessica Nix 

      5 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      I can totally relate to this hub. This was me until I met my husband :)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)