Weeding out the Jerks: Bad Boys and Good Times
I have been writing a book called Weeding Out the Jerks. This is part of the chapter on bad boys. Some parts of chapters and the introduction are in other hubs and are published on the web as well. It is meant mostly for entertainment but it also allows us to recognize mistakes we make in trying to find our perfect mate.
Let me state that this is not a book about male bashing. Both genders make plenty of mistakes. It is a focus on women indeed, and the signs of a bad relationship they choose to ignore that causes a lot of heartache. When I finish this one, perhaps I will write one on the bad women that men choose.
Why we like Bad Boys
Bad boys are the most exciting, sexy, interesting, and detrimental relationships that we get in to. We seek out bad boys. We are attracted to them. We want them. We ultimately think we can change them. There is good news here and there is bad news. First the good news; they are sexy, interesting, and exciting. Now the bad news; they are detrimental to our relationship health and we will not change them.
Bad boys have, by far, the best all time lines ever. They make you feel wanted and sexy and beautiful and desirable all at the same time. What woman doesn’t need to feel that way, and often? They chase you and chase you until you finally give in, or until they can’t hear the word “no” anymore. Either way, it usually ends shortly after. A true bad boy will not offer you a future, or a commitment, but he is so artful at his game that it doesn’t matter. As I told one of my favorite bad boys, we women need the illusion. Be it that we want a long term relationship, or that we want to feel that we are the only one, we need that illusion, and they usually provide it without ever saying it is something they want.
Bad boys make you feel so good about yourself, that it is hard not to want them. I have fallen in the bad boy trap many times. They can make you feel like you are the only person they have ever been able to talk to, which pulls on your feminine side, and they can make you feel like the most desirable woman they have ever met, which pulls on your ego side. When I talk about bad boys being detrimental to your relationship health, these are the things I talk about. They can pull you in, and make you feel like you found your best friend, and soul mate. You begin to tell them things that no human ear has ever heard before. You listen to their stories and believe that your ears are the only ones that have ever heard them. Then, when the time comes, and it always does, that they finally get what they want, or they can’t take the rejection any more, they break your heart.
I have a good friend that once told me that most men are not capable of being a friend without the belief that it will lead to something sexual. That is a very hard belief to swallow, but after years of losing male friends, I finally believe him. There are exceptions, but they are rare. The denial of this fact is what gets us into the bad boy heart ache.
Now I happen to really, really, REALLY like men. I would much rather have a male buddy at my side for cocktails then a female any day, unless of course, I am male bashing. I have lost countless “friends” because of the word “no”. But for the most part, I would not change any of it. It hurts like hell when I find out that I was just another unfulfilled conquest, but I can usually go into it with the understanding that it will end, and at least avoid some of the sting. I am ever hopeful that one day, I will truly find a man that will stay by my side, as a friend, and till death do our friendship part.
Why aren’t we attracted to the good guys? I was standing in line at the gas station and I watched and listened to the cashier flirt with a nice man as she rung up his purchases. When she completed his transaction and he was walking out the door she commented to him “Gee you are a nice guy”. I chuckled to myself and asked her, “Do women ever really like nice guys?” Her answer was, “No, they are just not attractive”.
Is marriage in our future?
The Problem with Bad Boys
Bad boys offer us the illusion we so desperately want. MOST bad boys never tell us what we want to hear, but they tell us enough that we turn it in our minds to be what we want. A line, for example, would be that they tell us a man would be crazy not to want to spend the rest of their lives with us. Now they really are not saying that they want to spend it with us, but what we hear is that they do.
What we need to learn is that bad boys come and go and happiness with them is fleeting, and that the good guys we may find boring at first are usually the true diamonds in the ruff.
Relationships with the wrong man
© 2013 Rebecca Shepherd Thomas