ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Balloons or Anchors: My interpretation of Past Relationship Baggage

Updated on April 2, 2012


It hits me at the weirdest moments. When I put away laundry, for example, I fold my boyfriend’s boxer briefs crotch-side in. Or when I park my truck on a hot night, I make sure to turn the AC off so it doesn’t smell like dragons breath in the morning. I always cook with olive oil and fry my tortillas smooth side down. And I never put a hot dish inside the fridge. These are little habits I haven’t learned from parents, but from ex’s. Each eccentricity can be tied to a small disagreement or light emotional scolding that resulted in a routine I continue to indulge to this day. Yes, some have made me better, but some have also caused baggage.

It isn’t until you stand there with those boxer briefs in your hands that you realize the indentations lovers’ past have left on you. These are not things that my current beau requested nor were they things I did when I was on my own. But they’re a part of me now as much as the hair that rises on my skin. I carry these habits with me, each one heavy enough to feel a burden but light enough to continue on seemingly unaffected. It’s like when you acquire a disability from a broken bone or injury. After a while, you forget the lack of movement in your hand or that slight miss-step in your gait until someone points it out, and then you have to explain.

At 30-years-old, I wonder how much of myself is merely an imprint of someone else? And if that’s the case, how much of me do I have left? I’ve heard the phrase that any relationship you learn from was not a waste of time, regardless of how it ended. And how else, really, can we move forward with a clear conscience if not for a lesson learned? There are two things that can provide release for all sinners in this world and these are 1) remorse and 2) the truth. It’s the most difficult thing to be honest about your fears and your limitations but it also provides an ocean of communication that can take a couple years to explore.

My boyfriend and I have talked about this a few times. He has baggage too. “I hate my brain,” he says whenever I’m away. “It thinks crazy thoughts.” Justifiable since many of his ex’s have been unfaithful. Even though he knows he can trust me, he fights the urge to be suspicious or question whether or not I’m telling the truth when it comes to just about anything. That, combined with my inability to confide what’s bothering me for fear of being judged, has created unnecessary hurdles between us. I would never lie to him, nor would he ever judge me. We both know this, but because those bags hang around our necks, it seems only natural to compromise happiness for old habits. Luckily, our love for each other has become a proverbial back ho, cutting out gullies and passes through our desolate mountains of issues, giving us a fighting chance for a decent future.

My point? Although baggage can feel more like anchors than balloons at times, I have to accept my past as part of who I am. I have to realize if it hadn’t been for the sources of that baggage, I wouldn’t appreciate truly the best thing that has ever happened to me and I certainly wouldn’t know what I had to do to keep him.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 

      6 years ago from sunny Florida

      This ended too soon!! You have a great beginning and I was recalling the times when I had 'baggage' attached to me like you mention. Some of it, I have had since my earliest beau. Accepting that it is a part of who you/we are is definitely true...I know there is more to this...you should write a second hub about this....I would read it.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)