Before You Go

Before you go, if go you might
Then take with you the dog lead there
For I have need no more to share
Those Autumn walks, when wrapped in mist
You took my frozen fingers once and kissed
And warmed them with your breath; and far
Above us in the darkening sky, a vapour trail; a star.
And below, us three; you, the dog and me
Inseparable, as it had seemed to be.
So take Autumn, star, take mist and sky
And vapour trails and I’ll try
To live without them, in full or part
My fingers frozen then… but now, my heart.
I think you’ll go... I think you might.

Before you go, and go you could
Take from my mind’s eye, lest I reminisce,
The sight of starlings and their dissonance;
Mahonia’s indigo dusted berries in bunches hung
And from them drops of purple juice had sprung;
Berries in massive bunches weighted down.
You voiced one word. I saw you frown,
Concerned… For mid the tumult and the squabbling
The starlings, greedy beaks all gobbling
A tiny wren set up her home in one lone bough
Protected by the sharp and cruel foliage now.
Take from my mind hot morning sunlight on York stone.
Let me forget your love, your gentle look, your tone.
Perhaps you’ll go. I think you could.
Before you go, if go you could,
Remove the door bell from my door;
The door; the step; that I no more
May see it empty, where once you stood.
Close down all worldly contact; close down for good
And hush the jangling of my phone
And still the Soprano’s plangent tone
In Verdi’s final Libera Me,
For you and I had wept one day
At its poignant charm. Close my ears that I
Should hear no more a sound, and try
To still the songs of birds; of rain;
For I’ll not hear your sweet voice again.
Before you go, do this for me.

Before you go, and go you shall,
Please take my bed from out my room.
First turn down the covers, then with broom,
Sweep out all memories that I recall
Of sunlight dappled on the wall.
And curtains moving in the breeze
With silhouetted horse chestnut trees.
Take how it was to wake beside
You, gently sleeping by my side.
Remove the sunlight, and the room,
Curtains; dappled light; replace with gloom.
Remove each; not some, but all.
I’ll turn my face towards the wall
Before you go, I know you shall.
Before you go, if go you must
Take one last look, and mark this well
A room, a slip of paradise, now hell;
Two coffee cups, a slice of toast;
And this the image that pains me most
You, gently breathing by my side.
And close my eyes and feel beside
The pillows where you laid your head.
Replace with stones or boards instead
For I have neither rest nor ease
And in my pain, blot out all these
For I have nothing but my love;
This emptiness is all I have.
Before you go, if go you must.

Before you go, and go you will
Remove my heart from out my chest
It beats for none else, so let it rest.
If not for you, then bid it sleep.
My eyes are useless but to weep,
Where once their primary delight
Was drinking in the lovely sight
Of you. So take my eyes, my breath, my ears,
My mouth, my memory, my fears;
My aspirations and delights
Box them; with ribbon; tie them tight.
Then when I am distracted, and to spare me pain
Discard them then for I’ve no need of them again.
Before you go… I think you have.

Comments
One of my favourites by Ian. I was possibly the first human to hear this creation. Ian at his best.
this really touched my heart, love is the most wonderful state of being but it can cut deeper than physical wound when its over, and sometimes seeing the end coming is the most painful of it all...
this truly brought a tear to my eye
Wow! What a powerful poem! A love story in itself with hurt, rejection and all those other emotions we often feel when love has chosen another path. Up and beautiful on this one.
The great thing about hubpages is that over time you get a feel for the person through their writing. We can all relate to loss, but describing it so eloquently takes a special kind of skill. It's a beautifully written poem where you have delved deep into the language that we 'writers' love and appreciate so much. Cheers Ian.
Your poem really touched me. Raw emotions of pain, lonliness and sadness of a relationship that is ending. This is something most of us can relate to. I actually feel super sad right now because your writing is so good that I feel I am going through it. Flawless writing:)
How could mind :) You're sweet.
Awwwww :( I'm so struck by the emotion of this I don't know if I can keep a critical eye. But I will try. The way you wrote the stanzas kinda like water falling down a hill was fun for my eyes as my mouth was busy reciting this. My shoulders even joined in a bit. And I can see you did not just break lines here and there but thought went into it for ryhme, or pause or emphasis... noted and appreciated. Of course I love the way you flip a phrase upside down so your brain can not just skip over it but must rethink it. Your choice of word pairings always delights me. My favorites from this piece... "indigo dusted berries in bunches hung" and "the Soprano’s plangent tone." But mostly Ian, awwwwww.
"Awesome! Loved it!"
That sort of thing right? I agre; I'd rather someone just start chatting casually in the comment box than leave the positive but boring one-liners.
Lovely. Coming here has become like dining at a familiar pub: I know I'll be taken care of (poetically speaking) and everyone knows my name (or at least you know my name and we have admiration for each other's work). Either way, it's cozy and enjoyable.
This one reminds me of Oedipus cutting out his eyes rather than deal with the misery of the world. Another song by Bauhaus makes the same allusion. Well done, Ian.
I'm only sorry you had to endure such pain to create such beauty as this. Would I spare you if I could? Perhaps not, if this is the result of your loss. Because it's far too beautiful for it not to exist. So perhaps I'd only comfort you after the fact. Selfish of me perhaps.
xx
Hauntingly beautiful. Your poetry is a gift.
Of course it works. It is the epitome of its message and your feelings about loss.
I can't possibly mention all the lines which touch and thrill me, but these are simply exquisite:
So take my eyes, my breath, my ears,
My mouth, my memory, my fears;
My aspirations and delights
Box them; with ribbon; tie them tight.
Then when I am distracted, and to spare me pain
Discard them then for I’ve no need of them again.
Ah simply beautiful and that last photo was especially wonderful - I just love a carpet of bluebells.
My dear - You see, not wasted here, though its depth is the Marianas and may be mistaken for a summer stream. But it's that the beauty of both your words and the sentiments are almost overwhelming.
Just so beautiful, TL ... I found it very moving ... I only wish there was some way I could help with the unwelcome cause of such profound sentiments.
Much love ...
Beautiful Twilight - thank you.
I use to write songs and the best ones came when I was crying my eyes out.. Any whoo...I love you! Take care of yourself..I wish it was not so too.
Sunnie
Ian,
This is the best and my favorite yet!!!!..Can so relate and I love it very much!Writing will get us through and then we will climb! This is true talent showing through! Pushing all the buttons...
Hugs,
Sunnie
Ah, if only we could rip out the memories of years gone by to avoid the pain of loss. Sadly, we cannot.
Beautiful work!
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