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Befriending your Ex, Is it Worth it?

Updated on March 16, 2013
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To be able to tell if it’s worth befriending your ex or not, analyze and reflect on these questions first in order to arrive at the right answer.

Why did you break up in the first place?

We need to look back at the cause of break up or the reason why the two of you broke up even you don’t want to think of it anymore. It’s not about digging a buried hatchet but this is about learning from the past. Yes, it’s good to forgive but hope you don’t forget the lessons.

If you broke up because of a third party, one of you the betrayer, the other betrayed, have you already asked for forgiveness? Are you sure you are totally forgiven? Because if not, hurt feelings will just resurface and ruin the friendship. Also, can you deal with someone who had betrayed you? If you cannot swallow his/her presence because of a bad memory, then don’t.

If your break up is of mutual agreement, there’s a greater chance that friendship is possible.

If you break up with him because of physical or emotional abuse, don’t. He is not even your husband, if he can do it to you now, what’s worse can he do to you if you were married and living in the same roof.

Why will you befriend your ex?

What’s your purpose? Is there a need to befriend your ex? It’s a small world, we know that, but do you really need to reestablish a close connection to your ex when you can always be nice and civil? Even your past relationship is serious and had lasts for years, it is still not an excuse to befriend him/her. If he/she really values what you have back then, how can he/she been able to dump you? Move on, what you have now are just old memories and you have to create new ones with the right one.

Risk in Befriending Your Ex

It might be hard to draw the line . The reason why you two hang out again might be because you are missing each other’s company. You can’t help but remember the good times, the touch and the warm embrace. Sometimes, good and pleasurable feelings are not always right. When both of you feel comfortable doing the same things again, acting like you’re "together" when actually you’re not, you might fall on the losing end. You can get jealous but you have no right to be jealous. You will just feel disadvantaged.

It can refresh an old healed wound . It took you some time before you finally let go of the pain, are you willing to accept the pain back to your chest? Being with your ex again or even just communicating with him/her again can bring back a lot of memories both good and bad ones which can similarly hurt your feelings all over again. You’ll feel sad for the good ones because you cherish those times yet it was just thrown away. Of course, you’ll be lonelier for the bad ones because that hits you directly to the bone.

Considering all these, let us not discount the fact that there are still some ex’s that do turn out as a good friend. Just prior entertaining the thought, make sure that you have fully recovered from all the heartaches and you no longer expect reunion. In the end, it would still be you who can assess whether he/she is worth the friendship or not just by mere looking at his/her sincerity.


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      Tshepiso Asher Jenamiso 3 years ago

      This article is useful as befriending your ex may worsen things.

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      MJ 5 years ago

      this article is very useful and straight to the point. i think for me, past should stay as part of the history. what we can do is to learn from it. :)

    • cbguillermo profile image

      Caroline Guillermo 5 years ago from Bataan, Philippines

      HiStephanie! Your ex is really rude, leaving without a word and then comes back when he wants too. My opinion is, you have already moved on and you have a new one now. In fairness to your current beau, you should not tolerate or entertain further insistent communication with him. Also, your ex has unstable emotions, it's not worth the risk.

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      Stephanie 5 years ago

      I think this article is really useful. I am in the same situation, I am in love and currently in a relationship but still talk to my ex, because we used to before our breakup be really close friends. He left me and never gave me a reason why. However, while I got over him and fell in love again with my current guy, he just unnoticeably came waltzing back in as if nothing ever happened?! I tried to explain that while I was happy to see him, I could not be more than just friends. He at first understood, but now he's persisting, it's like he's emotionally unstable. I am doing everything I can to keep him in my life because of how long we've known each other, but he's starting to get really rude, and demanding to be his...I don't know what to do!

    • cbguillermo profile image

      Caroline Guillermo 5 years ago from Bataan, Philippines

      Hi Andy, thank you for reading my hub. As for your request for my advice. I think you don't need to let her know how much pain she have caused you, most probably she knows it but she just don't care or feel guilty about it.

      What you need is some time and space to heal. Let yourself heal, that's the best thing you can give yourself. I'm sure your mutual friends will understand.

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      ANDY 5 years ago

      I think my ex wants to be friends with me out of sympathy . I moved to a new town 3 years ago and befriended her at the beginning, er both fancied one another and eventually started dating 1 year ago. I love her madly still and miss her terribly. But She dumped me out of the blue just before Christmas, I spent most of it feeling terribly depressed and still feel terrible (cant sleep etc). Friends of mine have told me to cut her loose but its not that easy, and im not sure what I want either. the problem is that we have mutual friends which are mostly hers and have stayed loyal to her because she is more fun and better company. i feel like an outcast now even though I did nt do anything wrong in the relationship. Think she got what she wanted and got bored with me.

      i dread meeting her and her friend when im out so ive been avoiding going out as much as possible.

      we haven't talked in 3 months and i don't know if i should make contact with her to say no hard feeling etc. But part of me is angry and hurt because of the way she just used me then dumped me with no proper explanation,and I want to tell her what how much pain she has put me through. i really like your hub and any advice you give would be greatly appreciated

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      Caroline Guillermo 6 years ago from Bataan, Philippines

      Hi Tacey, thank you for reading my hub...It's always good to remember the good times...Sometimes it's really hard to disconnect someone from your life because he/she had become part of it. Perhaps when a new love comes along or when you have fully moved on, time will come that whether he is still in your life or not won't matter to you anymore, that's for sure based on experience. =)

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      Tacey 6 years ago

      I don't really wanna be friends with him but I don't want him out of myself...I think about the good times I've spent with him and the bad ones I can't remember, or I just don't want to remember ..He is worth it ..atleast I think he is :/