- Gender and Relationships»
Befriending your Ex, Is it Worth it?
To be able to tell if it’s worth befriending your ex or not, analyze and reflect on these questions first in order to arrive at the right answer.
Why did you break up in the first place?
We need to look back at the cause of break up or the reason why the two of you broke up even you don’t want to think of it anymore. It’s not about digging a buried hatchet but this is about learning from the past. Yes, it’s good to forgive but hope you don’t forget the lessons.
If you broke up because of a third party, one of you the betrayer, the other betrayed, have you already asked for forgiveness? Are you sure you are totally forgiven? Because if not, hurt feelings will just resurface and ruin the friendship. Also, can you deal with someone who had betrayed you? If you cannot swallow his/her presence because of a bad memory, then don’t.
If your break up is of mutual agreement, there’s a greater chance that friendship is possible.
If you break up with him because of physical or emotional abuse, don’t. He is not even your husband, if he can do it to you now, what’s worse can he do to you if you were married and living in the same roof.
Why will you befriend your ex?
What’s your purpose? Is there a need to befriend your ex? It’s a small world, we know that, but do you really need to reestablish a close connection to your ex when you can always be nice and civil? Even your past relationship is serious and had lasts for years, it is still not an excuse to befriend him/her. If he/she really values what you have back then, how can he/she been able to dump you? Move on, what you have now are just old memories and you have to create new ones with the right one.
Risk in Befriending Your Ex
It might be hard to draw the line . The reason why you two hang out again might be because you are missing each other’s company. You can’t help but remember the good times, the touch and the warm embrace. Sometimes, good and pleasurable feelings are not always right. When both of you feel comfortable doing the same things again, acting like you’re "together" when actually you’re not, you might fall on the losing end. You can get jealous but you have no right to be jealous. You will just feel disadvantaged.
It can refresh an old healed wound . It took you some time before you finally let go of the pain, are you willing to accept the pain back to your chest? Being with your ex again or even just communicating with him/her again can bring back a lot of memories both good and bad ones which can similarly hurt your feelings all over again. You’ll feel sad for the good ones because you cherish those times yet it was just thrown away. Of course, you’ll be lonelier for the bad ones because that hits you directly to the bone.
Considering all these, let us not discount the fact that there are still some ex’s that do turn out as a good friend. Just prior entertaining the thought, make sure that you have fully recovered from all the heartaches and you no longer expect reunion. In the end, it would still be you who can assess whether he/she is worth the friendship or not just by mere looking at his/her sincerity.