Behaving in ways which Date Us, Pt 1
Tom Cruise shows admirers his Grinding skills
Get with it! Don't be a Dinosaur
While we stick to our “old” habits, the world often moves on without us. Things which were once the cutting edge of technology has now become old hat for the teenagers and young adults: some of these follow
Although I am still basking in the magic of emailing and rejoice in my 12-year-old Hotmail account, I have noticed I get less and less emails and none from my kids or their buddies.
The young swingers just don’t email any more; it’s all texting, face book, tweeting and twittering, etc.
I personally hate texting and can never get that golden thumb the kids seem to have as they bang-out texts as fast as I can type on a keyboard. Neither do I like all my washing, clean, or the other type, emblazoned on sites which half the world can access. But the kids don’t care: they don’t give a fig what anyone thinks; there are no secrets and they tell the world how it is as they discover love, sex, drugs and all the rest.
Shame. Email was the best and least expensive method of communication since the telephone was invented and now its passé.
The Bare Wrist Brigade
Thinking of a Chrissie present for the kiddywinks? Well, if you are thinking watches, better ask first, cause the young don’t wear wrist watches any more. Why? Because they are on their cell phones night and day and those all have a time feature…and remember you only have two digits when you text, and they are both thumbs.
Be cool and drop the emotion out of your human contacts. Screaming and shouting and all forms of verbal, bullying manipulation is out, grandpa, unless you are to be forever thought of as a choleric old fossil. By cool (still used); communicate in grunts and grimaces; don’t expect kids to reply to questions and you’ll get on fine.
Tripping the Light Fantastic
Wanna have a close and sexy dance with the old Dutch or even that new/old squeeze? Whip her around and cuddle up to her juicy behind unless she comes from Essex or Texas. (you may disappear). The kids all dance in the “doggie fashion” these days, called “grinding.” Don’t be shy and don’t try to hide your manhood, guys, just bury it deep and hope it’s reciprocated! If you wanna see dancing your old way, stick to “Strictly Come Dancing,”
Have you made sure your beloved angels never use the “F” word? In our day, “f--k” was a no-no: to say, hear, read or see written. But now it is the great magic word, the lingua franca of the young across the planet. And, after all, frik it, it’s just a word. Along with that, unfortunately, another graphic noun is now surfacing although still a no-no in most place, that’s the slang for the vagina, which I won’t even write here. I don’t really know why, because the male equivalent, “p---k” and the ubiquitous “s---t” are as commonplace as dog and cat. Mind you, show an example here and leave these expressions to the young.
How to Insist you are Old!
One of the chief ways the middle-aged and later really date themselves is to admit they don’t know how to use a computer (really Neanderthal) or other forms of modern technology. Knowing how to use a computer and cell phone, for example, should be mandatory for all, like having a driving license, as survival can depend on it. Easy to get free tuition from anyone under 40.
Advise Them; Loose Them
Stop being a nanny to your kids 24/7. There’s enough of this nonsense in ‘elf ‘n’ safety Britain. Kids today get high on risk, excitement and stimulation, and they are going to do it regardless of your prissy admonitions. Also, they don’t use umbrellas or heavy topcoats this side of the Antarctic and hate being told not to smoke, drink, shag, or any of the other things they have been doing since age 13. The only difference is we started a bit older, but they mature early today and teens are very matter-or-fact about things that were a mystery to our generation until we were 25! All the experiences of the human condition are available to their curious eyes on the internet. Let them get on with it, or bring them up another way from age 3...and they’ll still break out. Peer pressure has much more effect than all the teacher/parent good advice. They’ll muddle through and you’ll still be proud of ‘em.
The Body Art
Have you ever seen those African tribe members tattooed from head to foot and shuddered? Well, you had better amend your values and your chuck-limit, because the kids today from all classes want to get their bodies decorated with wild tattoos and their skins pierced with rings and assorted metal. A huge industry has grown up around it. Most shops will insist on legal age requirements before radical surgery is performed, but that won’t hold them back for long; where there’s a buck (quid) there’s a way.
I have got used to it, and once all the old sexual hang-ups and taboos are excised from the mind, also like most of them. They fade and can be removed pretty much; the holes heal over when the rings are removed; it’s a fad and it’s usually harmless so let your control be sensible and up for discussion.
Take the Rap, Granny!
Do you hate rap music as much as I do? The incessant pounding rhythm, those senseless and anti-social, screaming vocals, the implied or overt violence. But complaining about it puts a date-stamp “Old, Intolerant” smack on the center of your forehead. It’s the chant of the times, the fiercely sexual protest against everything old and establishment that kids have always rebelled against, but especially in the divided, opportunity-less society of today. When you see these rappers being interviewed, most are meek, mild and shy; you realize the devil is in the score and it’s just another art form; no one is supposed-to, or intending-to, start a revolution behind it. (Pity)
Faggots are just wood for the fire!
I am still annoyed by overt homosexuality on television. “Eastenders,” the ridiculous soap I avidly watch in the UK, has Christian and Syed practically opening and closing every segment with a smooch these days. Yes, Sy is a Pakistani gay chap-ess (on screen at least) Christian is a real, live, gay, out-of-the closet handsome weightlifter type in real life, (who the girls like Roxy still lust after on the show). Does it bother anyone under 35? Not a bit of it, homosexuality - gayness - is looked upon as a recognized alternative life-style today, and protected by PC Europe, not the aberrant decadence it was in my day. And that includes what I call “false” homosexuality: heterosexual blokes and girls snogging, tongue-ing, (kissy-facing) all over the entertainment business, from soaps to the Oscars. It’s all part of the ‘everything goes’ sexuality of our times, part of the “look at me” celebrity cult, and you’d better keep your thought inside like I do, or be seen as a dinosaur. (Grrrrr!)
Sometimes I wish we could set up a “previous point” on our lives like we can on our PC’s.
Goodness, that policeman looks about 15!
And you have just elevated your age to about 70! Remarking that others, especially the police, priests, the kid’s teachers, look like kids themselves guarantees you will be viewed as the over-the-hill gang. You could care less? Then why are you reading this!?
As this hub is getting far too long (ages the author!) I will do a part two soon.