Being Complete

So many people all around the world suffer from loneliness. The solution to this unbearable feeling is to get into a relationship. I am blessed to know who my husband is now, but this was not always the case. I remember my oldest sister telling me, "Sachy (my nickname), pray for your husband even though you don't know him and haven't met him." I took her advice and started making a list as well as looking for the one I wanted to spend the rest of my days with.

It was such a long journey to know and be certain of what God knew what was best. I remember making a short list of qualities my future husband had to have. This list was simple yet now I look back and am amazed by how it all played out. He had to know how to cook, have a good heart, and most important go to church with me or know of God. I was never interested in the outer appearance of the one who would hold my heart. The most important thing to me, at that moment in my life, was God. I wanted to serve Him and feel his presence in my daily living.

Like many women, we tend to hear and feel certain ways when men try to chase us or captivate us. Henry was definitely not my choice but had all the qualities I prayed for. My family knew of him and somehow he ended up capturing my heart in a way that was different and yet old fashion. He actually took my mother out to eat and asked her if he could date me. This was unheard of, which made me wonder about him more.

I could never think like he thought. So many days and nights I remember thinking, "Why does he think like that?" It made me want to know him even deeper. We were friends for a whole year before we ever had that one on one. We would always go out as friends with my cousin or friends from church, but it never crossed my mind that I would eventually desire him in that way.

Italian food was on the menu that day I accepted. We went to a small restaurant that was close to my university. The food was amazing and the company was well, at that point, familiar. After getting to know each other in a non-romantic way was just what we needed to know we truly would fight for our love in the days ahead.

I still remember thinking, "I feel nice around this guy and don't feel the need to impress him at all." Being relax and at peace was something that I had never felt with another man. I felt secure and felt protected yet didn't understand why.

After eating at "La Ville" we went to his apartment. He wanted to make something for me and since we already had eaten, drinks were the only option. Sadly his pina colada drink was too sugary for my taste buds. I drank it anyway. After all that was done I felt tired and ready to go to sleep before going to class that next morning.

Being the responsible person he is, he took me home. I remember thinking, "this is nice and yet different." That peace that I felt was something I could not get out of my mind at all and still to this day makes me love my husband all the more. His manners and just who he was confused me and kept me intrigued.

Over the next few months we kept seeing each other and kept going on dates. All this change was very unexpected for my sisters and mother. They felt the need to show me I didn't need him in my life. They were one hundred percent correct. I didn't need him but wanted him and kept pursuing his company.

Yep, researchers have found that the rate of divorce in the U.S. actually peaked at about 40% around 1980 and has been declining ever since. And, according to data from the National Survey of Family Growth, the probability of a first marriage lasting at least a decade was 68% for women and 70% for men between 2006 and 2010. The probability that they would make it 20 years was 52% for women and 56% for men, so that percentage is closer to the frequently-cited "half," but still not there.

Other estimates show that three-quarters of those married in the 1990s would make it at least 15 years (compared with just 65% of those married in the 1980s). And if that current trend continues, the vast majority (about two-thirds) of marriages will never divorce.

So how did we even get that half-n-half stat to begin with? Well, we can trace that original claim — that the divorce rate is at 50% and climbing — back to a 1980 census report. That report predicted that half of the couples married between 1976 and 1977 would eventually end up divorced and that rates would only increase from there.

Read more at:

https://www.refinery29.com/2017/01/137440/divorce-rate-in-america-statistics

Throughout our entire marriage we have been resilient and very forgiving of each other. The basis of our relationship was friendship which has benefited us tremendously. We aren't scared to tell each other the truth and share our perspective on everything we disagree on.

I love seeing what comes next in our journey. Even though we never had a wedding, our life together has much more value and depth than a white dress. Being there for each other on every level and treasuring the stillness of life on days that were full of deadlines has been hard but we have done it. I thank God for his grace and mercy he gives us on a daily basis. We definitely couldn't make it this far without Jesus and his wonderful spirit that has been such a big help in our darkest hour. I'm so thankful for every trail and struggle we have overcome together. Our love for the other has been the glue to surviving.

The respect we have for each other has been so rewarding and just keeps getting stronger. In all the time we have spent together, the one thing that keeps us motivated is a better future for our son. He has been that motor every family needs.

I truly am blessed to have a husband that love his family like he does. Being mature and calm about most situations has been such an essential part of keeping us together. I could keep going and write an entire book on the lessons we have learned through it all. I pray everyday for our marriage and keep in mind that our number one priority should be God. At times I forget to include God in the picture and it is when I seem to get more irritated and become less than what I know I'm capable of.

My desire for you is that you experience such love, joy, and adventure when setting down. If I could tell you what has helped us the most it would have to be that we try our best to understand each other and see life through the others eyes. There have been smiles, laughs, tears, sweat, and hugs through out it all and just sit and wait to see what is in store for us on the next chapter of our lives.