Being the other woman: Signs your boyfriend is married or in a committed relationship elsewhere

Signs that I am my boyfriend's other woman? Is my boyfriend married? Is my boyfriend in a committed relationship with another woman? From motel dates to switched off cell phones and from requests to keep your relationship a secret to strong gut feelings – this post lays bare some of the tell-tale signs which could confirm your suspicion that you are your boyfriend's side affair.

1) He never picks up your calls but always returns them soon after

Your boyfriend may have a lot to hide if he never picks up your calls, but always returns them with an excuse at hand. This could be happening simply because he doesn't want anyone to notice him talking to you.

It can be a genuine thing if he is not allowed to talk on his cell phone at his office during work hours. But if he hasn't mentioned such a rule and yet his phone rings out every single time, it may mean a lot more than a silly excuse.

2) He is never with you during holidays and festive season

The fact that your boyfriend is never with you during holidays and festive days like Christmas and Thanksgiving, is a classic sign that you are his other woman.

This will typically happen because he will be forced to spend these special days with his wife and children, or with his other girlfriend to whom he is committed. His excuses could be valid if it happens for the first time but if it keeps happening year after year, you might want to think again before conveniently believing everything he has to say.

3) Your boyfriend does not have an online presence

It is understandable if your boyfriend is a shy guy and he doesn't have profiles all over the place on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Google Plus and the lot. But it is weird if your guy does not have an online presence at all.

Confront him about this issue without actually making it seem like a confrontation. If all his excuses sound silly, tell him that you will open an account for him on Facebook. See how he reacts to this. If he gets annoyed and warns you in a very threatening way, something is amiss.

4) Your boyfriend is never with you on his birthday

Birthday are meant to be spent with friends and loved ones, which is why it should be an alarming sign if the guy you are dating hasn't spent a single birthday of his with you.

If your guy is married, he will spend his birthday with his wife and kids. If your buy is in a committed relationship with another girl, he will spend his birthday with her and his friends.

5) He switches his cell phone off when he is with you

There is no need for a guy to switch his cell phone off when he is on a date with you. With texts, emails and other tens of useful apps, cell phones have become indispensible.

If your boyfriend switches of his cell when he is with you, it means that he doesn't want to take any calls. If he does, he will have to lie about his whereabouts to his wife or his other girlfriend.

6) You have never met your boyfriend's family

It is easy to be caught in a web of lies and believe people on face value, especially when you have fallen in love with them. You may have conveniently believed your boyfriend when he said that his entire family lives interstate.

• Ask yourself these questions before you try to assure yourself that your suspicions are baseless.
• If he really doesn't have any family here, why don't they come over to visit
• Why hasn't he let you connect with his family on Facebook and other social networks
• Why is he so secretive about his family

7) You haven't met any of your boyfriend's friends

Just like family, it should be a cause of concern if you have never met any of his friends. If your boyfriend is actually married or in a committed relationship with another woman, he won't even like to talk about his friends.

Try to get him to tell you a bit about his close friends to check if his answers are something along the lines of:

• He says that he doesn't have any friends in the city
• He gives different names every time you ask him
• He doesn't divulge too much background information about how he met his friends, since how long he knows them, etc
• When you say that you want to meet his friends, he always has excuses

8) You meet your boyfriend at motels way too frequently for your liking

Romantic dates are supposed to be about quaint coffee shops, movies, dinners and walking hand in hand through the city streets on a Friday night. If a lot of your dates end up in a motel room, there is something that is just isn't right.

If your guy is married, he will prefer to meet you in a motel because he is afraid of being spotted with you. Be verbal about this and tell you guy that you want to hang out with him like other normal couples do – just not in a cheap motel room.

9) Your boyfriend never takes you to his place but he frequently visits yours

A sign that your boyfriend wants to keep his life detached from your relationship is when he never takes you to his place. He will probably keep using excuses including some of the below.

• Renovations have been going on at his place since a long time
• He shares an apartment with his friend who doesn't like having visitors
• His place is a mess and he would rather meet you at yours

Don't start worrying if you have been dating this just for just a few months. But beyond that, you would ideally expect him to invite you to his place.

10) He always excuses himself to take phone calls

Excusing themselves to take each and every phone call is a classic trait of people who have something to hide. Notice your boyfriend's behavior and see if he does the same thing whenever he is with you.

His behavior may be justified if you are in a bustling cafe and he needs to take a call from work. But doing this repeatedly even when you both are alone is a sign that he doesn't want you to hear his conversations.

11) He wants you to keep your relationship a secret

Many couple like to keep their relationships secret but their reasons are some of the typical ones like:

• They don't want their parents to know
• They work in the same company and dating colleagues is off limits
• One of partners is good friends with the other one's ex

There is no reason to keep your relationship a secret if there are no such complications. If your boyfriend stops you from telling even your best friend about the relationship, ask him why he is concerned. There should be nothing to hide if you are just another couple in love.

12) He hates talking about commitment: He smartly delays having a conversation about it

Guys can sometimes be commitment phobic. It is not unnatural to see a guy running away from talking about commitment or shying away from being man enough to propose to his girlfriend.

Don't let your boyfriend's commitment phobic stance worry you, unless your relationship has gone on for months and years. If he still refuses to commit, ask him why he is so afraid of recognizing his love for you.

A manipulative guy will turn the tables and ask you counter questions about why you want commitment in the first place. He will subtly bring twists and turns in the conversation and before you even realize, you will be talking about something else.

13) He gets really annoyed if you take his pictures

Married men or those in committed relationships will always try to be never pictured with their side flings. Photographs can increase the chances of them being caught out by their wives, girlfriends, friends and family.

This could be the case if your boyfriend hates taking pictures with you or deletes all his pictures from your iPhone. He may be worried about being recognized if someone went through your photo album or if you upload the pictures on your Facebook.

14) Most of your dates end inside the bedroom

As crude as this sounds, you could actually be your guy's side affair if he is just with you for the sex. Physical intimacy is one of the pillars of any relationship but there should be much more to your dating quotient to just steamy times in the bedroom.

Ask yourself why you have never had dates during which the both of you can just go out and enjoy a quiet romantic dinner. Think about why your dates are limited to the bedroom.

15) The longest time you have spent with him is when he took you for a weekend away from the city

Dating is not just limited to short dinner and movie dates. As a couple, the both of you should ideally be spending Sundays at the malls or strolling down the city streets. Reflect on your relationship and see if you have actually spent quality time with your boyfriend.

If your thoughts come up to a blank and you realize that the longest you have been with your boyfriend is when he took you on a weekend getaway outside the city, it is a sign that your dating quotient is skewed.

16) You have a gut feeling that you are your boyfriend's other woman

Gut feelings are driven by instinct, emotion and a little bit of logic. The fact that your heart is drowning in suspicion means that there is actually something amiss about your relationship.

Your suspicions may be baseless and totally untrue. But it is always a good idea to be aware and start looking for other signs when your gut feeling is telling you so.