- Gender and Relationships
Benefits of Arguments in Relationships
We are familiar with the fact arguments don’t hold any place in relationships. They are disastrous in relationships due to their nature. They cause rifts such as misunderstanding, lack of trust, hatred and other negative results. The best advice given to partners is to steer away from involving themselves in arguments.
Is this true? Are arguments really bad in relationships? On the contrary, there are benefits derived from arguments and arguments do hold a place in relationships.
Here are the advantages of arguments:
a) There Is A Problem In The Relationship
An argument indicates there is a problem in the relationship. Thereby, there is a need to talk about that problem. If it is allowed to go for long it may lead to bigger issues which will destabilize the relationship. Politicians debate against each other because they know there is a worm eating through of which it needs to be addressed.
b) Shows Your Standpoint
An argument shows the position of a partner. What is your point-of-view? What is your stand in the relationship regarding the issue in question? If you are confident in supporting your point it means you are sure of it. It means you will not back down because you are sure of the fact and your partner needs to see your point-of-view. It means you don’t agree with your partner and you’ve justifiable reasons why you don’t agree with him.
c) The Direction Of The Relationship
Where is the relationship heading to? Instead of keeping quiet you have to voice out your thoughts concerning the relationship. It is evident when you talk with your partner about the direction your relationship is heading to, argument is bound to happen. When it does happen you have to show your partner why you think the relationship won’t go far, is stagnating; therefore you need to do something about it.
d) Two In One
You realize a relationship is made of two people. When two people come together, a relationship is formed. You realize despite you are ‘One’ in the relationship as you have been joined together through love still you have individual lives in the relationship. It helps the partners know a relationship is not one-sided but two-sided. You have to hear your partner’s point-of-view and not always enacting your judgment ignoring your partner’s point-of-view. If a relationship has to survive both sides need to understand each other, make decisions together and find ways of ensuring the relationship will not stagnate.
e) It is healthy
Arguing is healthy. It shows the two of you care about the relationship. It shows you have seen there is something wrong in the relationship of which the two of you need to address. If there is no argument in relationship it means one or both of you are hiding something or afraid of raising a topic. Fights are normal as they signify the relationship is founded by two people, not one. It only becomes unhealthy when there are too numerous fights.
As indicated above, arguments are not bad. Arguments do help in ensuring there is a strong bonding by sorting out issues you don’t agree. The problems that manifest in a relationship as regards to argument are because of:
- You always argue but you never sit down to solve the issues that crop up in the relationship leading to arguments. When you argue it means there is a problem that has resulted in the two of you always arguing on the same issue. It is a year and the topic of the debate is still the same concern, the same issue, the same worm which you hadn’t solved the last time the two of you argued about it. If it is the case it becomes disheartening, frustrating and emotionally exhaustive.
- When one partner does not want to hear the justification of another person. One partner believes his argument is right and whatever his partner says is total rubbish - no validation. Partners should give each other time to hear what each of them has to say. The lack of patience in not wanting to listen to what your partner is saying leads to endless arguments which no longer can be termed as arguments. They become endless noise.
- You haven’t taken time to prepare your thoughts. Before you counterattack or try to object the reasoning of your partner, first of all, prepare your thoughts. This will enable you to present your thoughts in a logical manner, and be in a good position to counter your partner’s thoughts in a coherent way if you don’t agree with what he’s trying to prove.
- When you don’t control yourself, you will not be able to argue from a good standpoint. Instead, it will lead to senseless war of words. If negative emotions explode out of control, you will not want to hear what your partner is trying to say. Don’t let the negative emotions get out of control even if what you’re arguing about is something that is hurting you.
- The choice of words you use matters a lot. When you use vulgar or abusive words or insult your partner then there is no guarantee what you’re debating is going to be solved. Watch your words. It can kill your partner’s ‘heart’ in seconds, and you will have yourself to blame when the unexpected happens.
- When you argue for the sake of arguing. There are people talented in arguing. They may not know they have this talent in them. Once an argument starts, they engage in it in full gear. They seem not to control themselves when it comes to arguing. They will become satisfied when they are convinced they have argued well or they’ve defeated their partner in arguing when their partner gives up disputing.
- When small issues are magnified during the argument till they become monstrous. Small weighty issues cannot be argued at the same level as big weighty issues. Fewer issues don’t need to be magnified and big issues need not be simplified.
- When the two of you never solve the issues. The issue flows without difficulty. You have let the concerns flow because you have been defeated in solving them. It is true it is not all issues that can be arrived at an agreement. The drawback is when you never solve the same issue of which you keep arguing by always suspending the issue in air. You always postpone. Always never coming to an agreement.
- When you don’t state the facts. You arguments are always supported by lies. In debates you are advised fake the lies until they becomes facts. In relationships fake the lies but they will never become facts. Your partner will notice. In the long run the worms, the troubling issues will explode out of proportion and their effects will turn out disastrous.
How to Argue the Right Way in a Relationship!
In itself argument is not negative. It has only been disadvantaged because of how people use it. What matters most is how the issue in question is argued. Your posture and the gestures you use also matters during the argument. Issues are meant to be argued in order to be agreed so the issue in question may be solved. Nonetheless, many argue to disagree and it is always argue to disagree until the relationship hits a rock and it is no more.