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Benefits of Setting Boundaries in a Romantic Relationship!

Updated on February 20, 2016

A Me-Time is Mandatory for Positive Energy!

Communicating the Need for Personal Space

Setting boundaries is communicating ideal environment for your needs and feelings as well as principles that inform your values and belief systems. It is telling the other person in a long-term relationship how you want to be treated in order for both to maintain sustainable positive regard for each other.

From informal setting of a family, children are taught from early age how to refrain from disturbing their parents when engaged in certain tasks including bed-time. This lesson become practical when children grow up; they tend to know when not to disturb each other also. The question is; why setting boundaries is regarded as a challenging subject when it refers to a romantic relationship and in marriage setting?

Communicating Boundaries in a Romantic Relationship!

Boundaries are better communicated with a positive subject like personal goals during the dating phase of a romantic relationship. This important subject must be approached with care: First, you must be aware of your feelings so that there should be no undertone which may be intimidating or controlling; it should be a positive statement wherein you clearly inform the prospective life partner about the principles that guide your beliefs and set your values standards. Secondly, you should make an eye-contact so that the other party my register the intensity of your references and how they supports your personal goals. For an example, it is important to talk about money when you express your idea of an ideal family size. This way you are saying that you aspire for well cared for children and you have a clear mind of how you intend to make that happen.

Another view says it is much better to set boundaries as and when something you do not like happens. Those who supports this view say they would rather address a behavior or incident rather than expressing such things out of context. The disadvantage of this approach is this: If the matter is one of those deciding factors, the relationship will face a precarious situation of finding a compromise or being terminated. The dilemma will be a feeling of betrayal and regrets because both are likely to consider invested financial resources and emotions in that relationship. One or both party are likely to feel hurt and cheated for overlooking personal deciding factors later than earlier.

Benefits of Setting Boundaries in a Romantic Relationship!

  1. Knowing self well: Setting boundaries requires you to examine yourself before you start the process of engaging in serious dating with a purpose to share your life with another person. Sharing requires compromise and at this stage it is important to identify things you cannot compromise your life principles for, such as spiritual beliefs or family size. Knowing self is a spiritual function and therefore is not an occasion wherein you could one day sit quietly and list things you think you dislike. It is a process of spiritual awakening which requires you to apply more than your social intelligence. It is a wisdom from within which illuminate and reveal deeper things about you and the level you are at. Knowing self project the ugly truth regarding what you have consciously and sometimes unconsciously classified under zero tolerance and therefore prohibited.
  2. Teach others how to treat you: A romantic relationship is a platform which prepares a couple to project into the future and see joy and fulfillment from open communication. How do you expect a total stranger to live with you without knowing those things that contribute to your optimal life? Truth will really make your dream to come true. You better tune into your inner self to identify and express your need for emotional, spiritual and social space.
  3. Spirituality: You are a spirit being and you cannot afford to not disclose the need for your prayer and meeting other spiritual needs like worshiping at a church. Apart from that, you will probably tie a knot at a church and this therefore becomes a deciding factor which you need to know from the onset if the other party is a believer like you or not.
  4. Career and professional goals: It is important for instance, to tell your prospective long-term partner about your aspiration so that you clearly indicate the point in your life you intend to settling down and have babies.
  5. Social hurdles: It is critical to know if you are expected to marry the whole family in terms of strict adherence to family traditions such as spending the Christmas Day with all family members at in-laws home. Let me explain: There is nothing wrong in adopting such a norm if your partner would not surprise you with certain rituals like prohibiting your current dress code.
  6. Personal space: I do not know about men, but I do know that most women need a 'Me-Time'. This is a personal time where a woman engages in those things which may not be appropriate in the presence of a partner, such as special exercises that address certain problem areas of the body. Meditation also requires complete ease of mind and body and requires one to have a space for it. Personal space is a time set aside for self which is intended to satisfy certain personal requirements that may not be shared with the partner or spouse such as earnest prayer or meditation, that addresses specific challenge such as anger or personal flaws.
  7. Low Self-esteem Issues: Some people dispute the need for personal space in that they view it as perpetrating esteem issues. High esteem does not mean depriving yourself an opportunity to distress and recharge your positive energy through preferred activities such as singing, writing your blog or simply reading your favorite books or magazine. For an example, have you noticed that if you do not get the space you need you become irritable or and moody? Pretending to be okay with the absence of such a personal need is sabotaging your efforts and responsibility to establish learning activities for your own personal growth.

A Need to Connect with Self to be a Better Partner!

When do you Communicate with Self?

You get your best ideas when you are in water and this you must plan to be part of the 'Me Time' which your partner will surely value and support eventually because it will energizes you and visibly helps you to be a better companion. Water is also therapeutic. Preparing a 'Me Time' which includes meditation in a bubble bath is ideal for reconnecting with self as well as for special home grooming purposes. Concluding this private time with favorite music and reading or any other activity that requires your full attention will revamp your relationship because it will support your personal growth; thus enabling you to manage your relationship much more effectively.

Learn about Setting Boundaries


Submit a Comment

  • Theresa Jonathan profile imageAUTHOR

    Theresa Jonathan 

    2 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho


    Thank you for acknowledging this subject. I see this as important for youth who seem to cut a lot of corners.

  • MsDora profile image

    Dora Weithers 

    2 years ago from The Caribbean

    Boundaries is a very important topic in relationships. Thanks for addressing it and sharing such wise views.

  • Theresa Jonathan profile imageAUTHOR

    Theresa Jonathan 

    2 years ago from Maseru, Lesotho

    Thank you for your contribution dashingscorpio!

    Boundaries are indeed essential; however timing is key. As you said, a feeling of chastised may bring unpleasant feelings. Thanks again!

  • dashingscorpio profile image


    2 years ago

    Great advice!

    "Boundaries are better communicated with a positive subject like personal goals during the dating phase of a romantic relationship. This important subject must be approached with care: First, you must be aware of your feelings so that there should be no undertone which may be intimidating or controlling; " - Very true!

    Unfortunately most people enter into new relationships with an "infatuation phase" where both people bend over backwards to impress one another and the word "no" is seldom if ever used.

    This is a time where people often believe they have met their "soul-mate" because everything you want to do he or she wants to do as well.

    Most "boundaries" aren't introduced until after a "commitment" has been established or someone accidently stumbles upon something that offends or pisses their mate off.

    The person who chastised often feels like they are a victim of a "bait & switch" because they've never seen "that side" of her or him before.

    From that very moment going forward the dynamic of the relationship changes. Each person now has to ponder what to do, say, or how to say things to one another without getting into a major argument.

    It is here where people reveal their "authentic selves" and one has to decide can they deal with this type of person.

    There is no "right" or "wrong" only "agree" or "disagree".

    Generally speaking if there is an emotional investment people will attempt to go along but if it becomes too much for them they move on.

    #2 - Teach Others How to Treat You

    Seems to be more of a statement (women) often make with regard to dealing with men. However I believe one is better off finding someone who (already is) the kind of person you (want) to be with!

    If someone has to change their (core being) in order to make a relationship work it means you've chosen the wrong mate for yourself.

    People don't really "change" unless (they) are unhappy.

    Very few people are walking around with one hand raised in the air screaming: "I'm looking for someone to change me!"

    There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

    One man's opinion!:)


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