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Better Days

Updated on January 25, 2014

Thirty two years ago a horrible thing happened and thirty two years later it is still as horrible. I've been dealing with June 17th for quite awhile. All of us have. It's not unresolved really anymore, not for me. Just a day that forces you to think back to that horrible day. I knew my wife back then. She probably remembers more about that summer than I do. I remember a party where there was the soundtrack to the movie Grease playing way too much and remembering how I didn't feel a part of that group anymore. Although, people generally were probably nicer than ever to me - I'm sure I was just numb. My wife says I was pretty shutdown. She said she was a bit afraid of me. The daunting responsibility of saying the right things at the right time. The responsibility of knowing when to push and when to lay back. I don't truly remember exactly what she said or did. But I know she stood by me. She was there for me. No doubt she was holding on and looking for some better days.

And better days came...

This pattern had a habit of repeating itself. A set of some really good days and then usually when you are least expecting it, something tragic happens again. So tragic that life itself again feels foreign. You feel like a stranger even surrounded by family and friends. You have to wonder if you'll ever see better days.

And better days come...

Right now it's one of those times when we're wondering if better days are coming or not. Actually, I'm wondering if I'm in bad days now or just worried about the bad days ahead. Life is uncertain for us right now and has been for quite awhile. Jobs aren't coming. Where we should live is in question. If we will be in our house next year could be in jeopardy. There feels like there is no path leading towards where we should be going. Although I'm certain the path I was on wasn't the best, at least it seemed to have a direction. It was a part of some kind of plan. Now, we just want to find a new plan but we haven't yet.

It creates quite a bit of anxiety. To the point where we're getting sick of it. If nothing seems to be changing it needs to be the attitude. Even though we have looked on the brighter side a number of times it's time for another try. That's what "try try again" means. We get to try again. There needs to be a reconnection to the belief that as long as we have each other then none of the rest of it matters. Not give up on saving what we've built but maybe to keep the perspective that what we stand to lose this time is stuff and not lives. It's not really losing the house that frightens me. Losing that girl that got me through the worst day of my life 32 years ago is what frightens me. With her I can always find my way, without I'm utterly lost.

Except losing the love of my life is never going to happen. Because we don't need boxes wrapped in strings or designer love or empty things. We just need that chance to find some better days. We've done it before with equally daunting bad days ahead. We certainly will do it again.

And I know better days will come...

So do you just wait around for better days to come? Maybe but probably not the best plan. But being down and depressed inside of the bad days is an equally terrible plan. It's attitude. Even when I've lost that spark I know it. It's not the situation that needs to change. Its' how you look at it. Then from that point of positivity you can start to create change. I truly believe it. I know first hand that falling into a funk doesn't solve much. Sometimes you just have to fall down and weep a bit. Sometimes things are just too much to handle. But while we weep, a part of us gathers strength. A part of us gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. We decide to try again.

It's as simple as the message in Sting's Brand New Day song. You need to the turn the clock to zero and start thinking in a brand new way. Sometimes I think it is just that easy. You just start over. You reassess what you have and you stop feeling sorry for what you don't have any more. You carve out a new life out from the shambles of your former one. You realize what you have now, you've always had. That the people count more than the materials. So stand up. We're starting up a brand new day.

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    • JBeadle profile image
      Author

      J Beadle 5 years ago from Midwest

      Days seem better. I'm employed as a Domain Admin again. Looks like my future is way more secure. It'll take a couple of years yet to get back to where I was in 2009 but at least I can see a path. I'm glad I tried to make good days out of the bad days. It's what I do.

    • JBeadle profile image
      Author

      J Beadle 7 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks for stopping by for a read and a comment Ralwus, always an honor to get feedback from you. The ship seems righted although I dare say some more stormy seas await us... but I'm confident we can ride through any storm. Glad you enjoyed my piece.

    • profile image

      ralwus 7 years ago

      Best of luck to you. Yes, I have been there many times and I would not enjoy my life if I lost my wife, I'd probably be a lot like Poe and I would not enjoy that either. It seems to be cyclical doesn't it?

    • JBeadle profile image
      Author

      J Beadle 8 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks for the read and thoughtful comments Lady_E! Glad you enjoyed it and honored that you took the time to read my hub. We did agree for better and worse and honestly we've had much worse - this is more in the category of "unsettled" which is a tad different. Head up is the message and best policy though IMHO.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 8 years ago from London, UK

      Thanks for an inspiring - Better days will come. Keep your positive attitude. I'm sending lots of postive thoughts and Karma your way.

      You've both been through hard times together and you will both go through and enjoy the wonderful, awesome times together. (sharing your experiences with others to inspire them)

      Stay Strong.

    • JBeadle profile image
      Author

      J Beadle 8 years ago from Midwest

      I really do believe in the theory inside my piece "Better Days" but feel a tad hypocritical as I haven't really followed that advice that well - especially during the time when I wrote it.

    • profile image

      Rasta 8 years ago

      You're very lucky to be able to go through life with a person like your wife. As long as you have her by your side, even the worst days are "better days."

    • profile image

      bballbeadle 8 years ago

      I am sorry for your pain. You are caught in huge events beyond your control. What I have experienced is taking an action is better than no action. Even a wrong action may be better because it helps the helplessness. My husband is so afraid of being wrong that he becomes paralyzed. I would rather make a mistake than feel I have no control over my life. Different strokes for different folks. Yet in so many ways we are all in the same boat.

      The Titanic.

    • profile image

      Chicken Sis 8 years ago

      Your hubs cast new understanding on your angst and your psyche. I am sorry you are in this place. And it will get better.

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