- Gender and Relationships
Blame The Woman....
A letter appeared in the
Daily Mail; (a British rag).
It was written by a chap who
used the name 'Colin'.
The letter received so many
responses it became an
There were hundreds, then thousands of comments and it moved online.
Then there was a blog, and the information appeared on other blogs and gave
birth to many debates.
The Letter ; Paraphrased
Colin writes how he was the manager
of a business who had been married
for nearly ten years.
He was the father of two children,
a third was on the way.
He and his family lived in their
own home, had cars and money
and everything was 'perfect'.
Then, he hired a new Secretary.
This was a hot twenty six year
old who dressed provocatively
and enjoyed flirting with him.
My favourite part of the letter
was when he described how
he had gotten drunk at the
Xmas party and 'found himself in bed with the Hottie.'
What set me off, and will probably set off most women reading this last remark,
was the term 'found himself in bed', as if he had been beamed aboard the
Enterprise, his clothing disappeared, and while in a complete coma was
put in bed with this woman.
Absolutely no reponsibility whatsoever on Colin's part.
Colin didn't do anything, you see, it all 'happened to him'.
And you know who is at fault, right?
Back to the Letter
Colin now goes on to describe how
this 'piranha' woman began to send
him texts, and call him, and talk to
him in a familiar manner.
He explains how his wife found out
about the relationship, (which wasn't
a one off but had continued).
Colin cries about how his wife divorced
him and took everything.
How he lost his home, and how he lost his job.
All because of that Piranha woman.
So here's a guy has that infamous; 'I was so drunk I didn't know what I was doing',
excuse for the Xmas party.
What's his excuse for continuing the affair?
Oh, he explains how this woman pursued him. How she threatened to kill herself
if he left her. He goes into chapter and verse as how she 'forced' him to continue
He whines about his non-understanding wife, who divorced him and took everything.
How his company fired him.
How he wound up being homeless and living on the street.
And all because of that Secretary!
So here was a guy, married, family, position. Hires a secretary She's sexy and young and he flirts with her. And she flirts back. And then he takes the opportunity to 'get drunk' and have sex with his secretary.
If he hadn't been interested in the secretary, he wouldn't have flirted with her. If she made a move on him, he could have sharply responded; "That behaviour is inappropriate!"
He could have discharged her, could have done any of a dozen actions to make her understand he was not interested.
But he didn't.
He didn't stop the progression because he wanted it.
And when he got what he wanted, he took it.
And took it.
And when he got caught, and when his wife dumped him and took everything, and when his employers got rid of him for committing adultery with his secretary; why it was that Secretary's Fault!
And Guess what?
Lots and lots and lots of people Agreed with him!
It was the Secretary's fault!
She was a Piranha Woman, who preys on poor little married managers.
Let's Talk Reality
A friend of mine hired a secretary. She came to work with a purple skirt split to her ghetto region.
I was outraged.
His wife wasn't.
She said, "Ask him what colour the skirt is."
He looked up from his documents, a puzzeled expression; "Green?"
He didn't notice her. He noticed her work. He noticed misspellings,
he noticed bad grammar. In short, he wasn't interested in her sexually.
A guy, looking for an affair, will make a move on the Christian girl who is
wearing no makeup, a long shapeless outfit, and being as unsexy as
A guy, looking for an affair will pass remarks with double and triple ententes.
And if that secretary doesn't know he's married, or thinks he is in love with her,
and doesn't turn down those lunches or after work drinks she will wind up in bed with him.
And is it her fault?
Truth and Reality
Firstly, if a man isn't interested in a woman, she can wear a purple skirt split to her ghetto region and he won't notice. If a man is not intending to have an affair, he makes himself unavailable.
A secretary can flirt, and the uninterested boss will respond in a non-positive manner. He might even be annoyed and display anger. A secretary might not even know the colour of her bosses eyes but he can tell you that she wore that blouse last week Tuesday, and changed the colour of her lipstick if his mind is on sex.
Secondly, adultery is not automatic. A man doesn't look at a woman and their clothes fall off as they are transported to a bedroom. A man has to decide, has to set up the time and place, even casually. He doesn't leave his house and go to work and out of a clear blue sky encounters a woman who instantly ....
Adultery is cultivated. It begins with the consideration of it happening. It then moves step by step to a relationship in which sexual connection is available. Then, time, place is needed for culmination.
Colin and the secretary was a long time developing, and would have continued if his wife had not uncovered the relationship.
If it is not rape, if it is consensual...that means two people agreed.
Those who agreed with Colin are those who do not take responsibility for their actions.