ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Blocking the Poop

Updated on January 12, 2016

If you missed Part 1: Don't Poop in My Box, check it out here to get the background before reading on. I'm going to assume you've got the general idea of the poop box in this post, and today, we are moving on and learning how to protect ourselves from other people's crap.

Last time, I asked you to think about who or what is the poop sprayer in your life. Remember that person? Good.

After the last post, your first instinct may be to want to get rid of the poop in your box, and that's a noble cause. But, before you can start getting rid of the poop in your box (don't worry, we're getting there), you need to learn how to protect yourself from more poop. Otherwise, you're going to end up in an endless cycle of getting poop out just to get more sprayed, scooped, or tossed in.

1. Identify Your Poop Sprayer(s)

This is why I asked you to start thinking about who the poop sprayer is in your life. You cannot, I repeat CANNOT, protect yourself from poop unless you know what angle it's being thrown at you from. This is vitally important: Once you have identified a poop sprayer, accept it. Poop sprayers are poop sprayers. It is extremely rare for these people to ever do anything other than spray poop. They are not going to spray rainbows and unicorn tears. They spray crap. Stinky crap. That's their job; expect no more and no less.

2. Decide Whether It's Poop You Have to Deal With

As previously discussed, sometimes you have to deal with other people's poop. I had to deal with a good amount of crap from a past boyfriend because his life involved a lot of drama with his ex-wife. His poop was my poop; my poop was his poop. We were tight like that. That is poop you have to — okay, choose to — deal with, and that's not the kind of poop you need to focus on protecting yourself from. So what kind of poop are we talking about here? The kind that makes your stomach churn. The stuff that makes you not want to answer the phone when you see a certain person's name come across it. The kind that has you lying about already having plans. The kind that makes you think, "Ah, crap!"

3. Get a Poop Blocker

Everyone's poop blocker looks and works a little different. For some people, it might be waking away or saying, "I have to go now." (Think Sally Field in Mrs. Doubtfire at the end of the movie when Robin Williams is revealed as the old English lady.) For others, it might be repeating a mantra over and over while the other person is spraying — "This is not my poop" is my personal favorite. It may take some trial and error to see which poop blocker works best for you. You may need different blockers for different kinds of crap. (Somebody write a buyer's guide for poop blockers!) Experiment. You may get a little dirty in the process, but eventually, you'll have a shiny new poop blocker, or two or three, and be ready for the next attack.

4. Put Up Your Poop Blocker

You have identified your poop sprayer, decided it's poop you don't have to deal with, bought or DIYed a poop blocker, and now it's time to get into defensive mood. Let's go back to that visual from last time. You're sitting in your happy place with your own box of slightly stinky poop, and all is well. The poop sprayer comes in, and before they can even flip the switch to "On," you put up your poop blocker. Think of it as an umbrella or a bubble that fully covers you and your poop box. The poop sprayer sprays, poop still goes everywhere (Unfortunately, this part is unavoidable. If you figure out a way to avoid the poop fallout, let me know!"), but you are clean and dry, and your poop box is at the same level.

5. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I wish I could say that eventually poop sprayers get tired and quit spraying poop once they figure out you have a poop blocker, but that's just not the case. At least not in my life. Poop sprayers are often oblivious to the fact that their crap is going everywhere, or they are just those weird kind of people that like crap. You cannot change these people — remember acceptance is the key — but you can and should change how you respond. Don't become a victim covered in crap. Put up your poop blocker and defend your happy place.

What poop-blocking strategies have worked (or not worked) for you?


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)