Boyfriend Requirements: Do You Have a List?
Today while scrolling through channels on television, I saw a show called "The Real", about a woman named Kathy who has a list of 85 requirements she seeks in a boyfriend.
She pulled out a handwritten loose leaf paper, which Nikki Boyer from Daytime in No Time, laughed and said how Kathy's handwriting is that of a middle school child, and adding that she's a "psychopath" for even writing a list.
As a viewer, I found her remarks offensive because all the women on that stage were acting like bullies and children themselves. It was very uncomfortable to watch.
But it did force me to ask myself why they thought it was a bad idea to have a list in the first place and wondered if many women agree with them.
Kathy had 85 requirements on her list. The women on the show thought that was too much. But what is too much? And since when is it wrong to ask for what you want? Is that being picky? And why is picky wrong?
Having a list of requirements in a partner you don't have yet doesn't make you picky and if it does, so what? Is that not knowing what you ant to make you happy? How does a list for a partner differ from a list of other things you may want in life?
Is that not a strong statement that comes from your inner confidence? I would think that's a pretty good thing to own.
And while my list is not 85 items long, it's still a list, or as I call it, a guideline. Of course it's not set in stone, though some things on there are non negotiable. It's personal for everyone and I think quite helpful in attaining your goals, even if your goal is to find the "perfect" life partner for yourself. Go for it.
The thing to remember is to be completely honest with what you really require to make you happy and not to settle for less than what you believe you deserve while remaining realistic and true to yourself.
Most of my friends told me that being burned in the past turned them off to even trying. They learned to settle, live with the "just enough" or "for now" because it's easier than starting over. But most of them agreed they do not believe in one man filling all their wishes, and settling is "just a part of life". Well, I don't know what your life is like but I don't want my life to be that hopeless.
How can we say no man can fill all our wishes unless we have dated every man on the planet? Okay, I know that sounds far fetched but truth is, we can't say never unless we've been there. That means by all accounts, the perfect man for us, indeed exists. And what you find to be the perfect man for you, may not be the perfect man for someone else.
We settle. We whine. We walk around with a void and not know how to fill it, so we make a Frankenstien out of all these different people we know, each filling in their little parts and at the end of the day we are satisfied for about a couple of hours before we get to go home and see this imperfect mate we settled for, whine, complain, and start the whole thing over the next day.
That's not living in reality. In fact, living with someone you settled out of your list for is more of a fairy tale than the 85 requirements on Kathy's list.
We convince ourselves this is the best we can do and we do the same thing at work. We give up and just stop trying. It's so much easier to say Prince Charming doesn't exist. We don't have to work as hard to find him that way.
Grab an old flannel plaid shirt, drag out the ugly sweatpants and call it Sunday on a Friday night. You gave up because you don't care, because you don't believe he's out there, and that's why you're unhappy. The law of attraction works every time.
I found nothing wrong with this woman and her 85 requirements. She has high standards. Why should we care? If anything, her list is too short. We don't know anything about her life, what she's been through or where she stands now. Maybe all she ever did was settle and now she's at a point where she's tired of games.
I hope she gets everything on her list and if not, I hope she gets more. I think all women and men included, should have a list of criteria for everything in their lives; friends, jobs, homes, friends, etc. We should expect more. Life is too short.
As for me and my lonely 20 requirements, it remains in an enclosed glass case with a tiny hammer next to it that reads, "Do not break until he moves in."
I can dream. It's my life, not yours.