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Boyfriend Requirements: Do You Have a List?

Updated on August 11, 2013
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Today I saw a video online of a woman named Kathy who was on the show The Real. I've never watched the show but from what I saw today, I probably never will again.

If you watched it, they called this woman from the audience to show her list of 85 requirements she had for a boyfriend, which was all handwritten on lined loose leaf paper. I didn't find that to be an issue, although Nikki Boyer from Daytime in No Time (DINT), made fun of her by saying she has the handwriting of a middle-schooler, and even went as far as to say she's a "psychopath" for writing a list.

I found this to be offensive as a viewer. And her remarks, as well as the remarks of the women on The Real, sounded more like bullying than interviewing. It was uncomfortable to watch.

We all have a mental list of what we want and don't want in a man. It's where our tastes come from. And no matter how silly you think writing a list is, you should have one in order to aim for what you want. It's a lot like planning anything else in your life. And as we know; Thoughts become things. What better way to solidify these requirements than to write them down? As I'm sure you probably guessed, I too have a list. And I am no psychopath. Go figure.

I never had problems meeting men but I am picky because I feel I deserve what I want and anything less than that, would be a waste of time for both of us. Granted, there are only 20 things I require and I'm sure my list won't compare to yours but this isn't a contest of whose list is better. It's a personal wish list of what you'll put up with and what you won't.

Does he have to be tall? If that's what you require, then why not? I am not going to be politically correct so as not to hurt your feelings and defend myself on anything that relates to how I feel about my own personal choice and neither should you.

I love heels and if a man can kiss the top of my head without standing on a stack of books, he's ahead of the game. If he has tattoos, a bald head and a red beard, I'm smitten. If he shaved, then he must have a great smile. Hey, I'm flexible. Maybe a redhead woman with tattoos and great smile is on his list too. You just never know. The thing to remember is to be completely honest with what you really require to make you happy. The trick is not to settle for less than what you believe you deserve. And that leaves room for little compromising.

I wondered if any of my friends felt this way. Are these men we seek real or were they instilled in us during bedtime stories we heard as children? Why have we become so bitter to the prospect that maybe the perfect man does exist? Why are we so pessimistic about our own happiness? And where did we get all this negativity?

Most of my friends told me that being burned in the past turned them off to even trying. They learned to settle, live with the "just enough" or "for now" because it's easier than starting over. But most of them agreed they do not believe in one man filling all their wishes, and settling is "just a part of life". Well, I don't know what your life is like but I don't want my life to be that hopeless.

How can we say no man can fill all our wishes unless we have dated every man on the planet? Okay, I know that sounds far fetched but truth is, we can't say never unless we've been there. That means by all accounts, the perfect man for us, indeed exists. We just haven't met him yet. And if by some rare intervention of the stars we have, then we should take a deeper look into why they are in our lives and who they really are because maybe they are the one and we've been too busy dwelling in our gloom to notice.

Maybe that's what's wrong with relationships today. We don't expect anything good to come out of them, so we set ourselves up for failure before we even start, grabbing on to the rebound guy or girl who will ultimately save us from being single for the rest of our lives, proving to the world we're not "psychopaths" over 40 destined to live alone with our cats.

Why do we punish ourselves and sabotage our own happiness? Why not expect better or best? What's wrong with being entitled to a good life? What's wrong with feeling we deserve it? Why all this guilt we carry around? I don't get it.

We settle. We whine. We walk around with a void and not know how to fill it, so we make a Frankenstien out of all these different people we know, each filling in their little parts and at the end of the day we are satisfied for about a couple of hours before we get to go home and see this imperfect mate we settled for, whine, complain, and start the whole thing over the next day. That's not living in reality. In fact, living with someone you settled out of your list for is more of a fairytale than the 85 requirements on Kathy's list.

We convince ourselves this is the best we can do and we do the same thing at work. We give up and just stop trying. It's so much easier to say Prince Charming doesn't exist. We don't have to work as hard to find him that way. If we believed he was out there, we'd be spending tons of money on makeup and hair salons. But why bother? Grab an old flannel plaid shirt, drag out the ugliest pair of jeans you own and call it Sunday on a Friday night. You gave up because you don't care, because you don't believe he's out there, and that's why you're unhappy. The law of attraction works every time.

I found nothing wrong with this woman and her 85 requirements. She has high standards. And why should we care? If anything, her list is too short. We don't know anything about her life, what she's been through or where she stands now. Maybe all she ever did was settle and now she's at a point where she's tired of games. I hope she gets everything on her list. I think all women and men included, should have a list of criteria for everything in their lives; friends, jobs, homes, etc. We should expect more. Life is too short.

As for me and my 20, it remains in an enclosed glass case with a tiny hammer next to it that reads, "Do not break until he moves in." I can dream. It's my life, not yours.

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Do you have a requirement list for your "perfect" match?

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