Cut Ties Without Breaking Hearts: A Guide to Breaking Up

It was great in the beginning. You couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. But, somehow throughout the years you have found yourselves growing apart. It’s not that either of you did any one thing wrong, or maybe you did. But the spark that was once there is nothing more than a match without a strike. Breaking up is hard to do. That is probably why so many relationships supersede their expiration dates. Why does it feel like the ending of each relationship is so much harder than the last? Maybe it means you are just getting that much closer to that true, heart stoping, knee shaking, grow old together kind of love. So, you have taken the plunge into the unknown…what now?

Step 1: Breathe

It’s going to be okay. They don’t call them broken hearts for nothing. Walking away from any relationship is hard. But that doesn’t mean your life has to stop. For all you know, this could be the best thing that has ever happened to you! Inhale...Exhale.

Step 2: Remember

There was once a time when this person probably meant more to you than anyone in your world. There was a reason for that. Hold onto this. Walking away from a relationship is never easy. But walking away with pure hatred and resentment because that “person” you fell in love with no longer exists is something you do not want to carry in your heart.

Step 3: Stop Fighting

Much like Step 2, you may be harboring quite a bit of resentment for your once “Other Half”. It’s easy to fall into the blame game and lash out. This is because you’re truly hurting inside. However, arguments are not going to get either of you anywhere other than a one way ticket into the ring of fire. Bite your tongue, and then your lips if something slips. Stay calm, try to talk it out and if they aren’t willing to take this route, take space until they are. You two have invested a LOT of time in this. Ending it is not going to be easy.

Step 4: Be Confident

Be confident with your decision to leave. If walking away has crossed your mind even a few times, then there is a good chance that you made the right choice.

Step 5: This isn’t a Movie

Romantic movies set us up for the dramatic downfall of a relationship. The huge fight, the clothes on the lawn and locks changed before the next scene. There is no need for a dramatic ending. If you live together, move your things when the other isn’t home (there is no need to rub it in that much more). And if you don’t live together, kudos.

Step 6: Don’t Date

At least not until you KNOW you are ready. And to be completely honest, you’re not going to be ready until you completely satisfy Step 5 and stop looking for another perfect someone. Trust me they will come…eventually. The best advice for this step is to truly learn from all of the mistakes made in this relationship so that nothing is taken for granted in your next. Give yourself time to grow.

Step 7: Take Time Apart

Stepping back from the person you have likely spent every waking hour with for the last several (insert: days, weeks, months, years) with isn't easy but very necessary. Especially at the very beginning of a break up. Friendships aren't possible over night. When a heart breaks it definitely does not break even. So whether you're the one with the shorter end of the stick or not, respect that in this case, time must heal some wounds.

Step 8: Find Yourself Again

Just as you may think your Ex Lover has changed, you probably have too. So, get out there and focus on yourself. Find that person in you who is worth it. Start a new routine (and stick to it). Join a gym, take your dog to the park, pick up a book, take a class, learn a new language, reach out to old friends you may have lost touch with and fake it until you make it. Before you know it, you’ll be stepping right back into true happiness.

Yes, this is just the beginning of a whole new book but the best part about it is that you get to write each and every chapter. You are now in charge of what comes next. Enjoy every single moment of it!