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Breakups, Divorces And Being Dumped Guide For Women

Updated on January 13, 2013

Breakups, Divorces And Being Dumped Guide For Women

So now you and your boyfriend have come to that fork in the middle of
the road in your relationship after being together for five years.
He has told you that he wants to see other women and move on.

You thought that everything was going smoothly and that soon marriage
would be the topic of your conversations. Now you get it... he wasn't
really spending time with his sick grandmother those nights he didn't
call you. He was spending those nights with another woman. Your
parents always did say you were a little ditzy when it came to
catching on.

Your sister's divorce just finalyzed last month. You're just thankful
that you were not married to your boyfriend and going through the same
thing your sister went through, because it was much harder for her
because she has three kids and a mortgage.

There are many similarites between a breakup, divorce and being dumped
but they still are different. A breakup is when a couple mutually
agrees that moving on is best and that even being in the same room
with each other can become difficult. Getting along is torture.

A divorce constitutes the same. However, the difference is it tears up something that was divinely meant to last forever. Vows or broken, families are torn apart and life ultimately changes either for better or worse for the married couple. In the case where abuse is present or it is a life or death situation divorce is for the better.

In the case where two people really do care about each other and love is still present, but maybe infidelity or money issues got in the way of the marriage, it is for the worse especially when your children or affected.

Being dumped is like someone pulling the rug out from underneath you. You thought you were his ice cream sundae, but you didn't provide the cherry on the top, so he has looked elsewhere and found the ice cream sundae with the cherry on top. Out of the blue you are on the outside of his heart. Perhaps you were never in his heart in the first place.

No matter how your relationship ends it is going to be traumatizing for you. The good news is that you're still alive and can survive without him. You will have all sorts of emotions. You will feel lonely, sad, depressed and angry. In some situations when you were in a not so good relationship, you might even feel joyful that you're out of it. But in most situations we are saddened that our relationship have took a turn for the worse and ended.

Again you are alive, life goes on and he is living his life without a thought of you on his mind. He's dating and wooing someone else and you are sitting home secluding yourself away from life. You're wondering who it was he threw you over for...driving yourself crazy.

When you first met Mr. special... all you would do was call your best friend and brag about him and how happy he's making you, now you are calling your friend crying and talking about how life isn't worth it without him, driving your friends crazy.

Once someone is through with you, they are through. You are no better than a used hamburger wrapper from Mcdonald's. In the garbage it goes.

From the very beginning when he met you until the day he dumped you, you were special. And that quality will never leave you. You're so much of a good catch on that fishing line that he couldn't handle you and he had to cut you loose and go after weaker prey. Only a strong man could handle a good catch like you, and he will be proud.

After he leaves, celebrate and be thankful you didn't get a bad report from the doctor or no one has died. You still have a lot of life and love to share with someone as long as you didn't let him take it away and shake your faith in other men and love.

Surround yourself with loved ones, go to a party, throw a party and invite everyone you know, go on a vacation...perhaps a singles cruise. Live, don't throw in the towel.

There will come a day when your ex will be sitting down at his kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and eating a danish when he turns to the society page in the morning papar and he will run across your engagement announcement. He will think about what he lossed when he broke up with you and then he will focus on the fact that he is in an unhappy relationship with his present wife or girlfriend and be sorry he ended it with you. And then again he could be so happy that you found someone to make you as happy as he is in his present relationship.

On The Rebound

With some people it is difficult for them to get over a relationship especially when they believed that the other person was their world. Now they feel that their world has ended after their boyfriend or girlfriend has broken up with them.

A man might handle a breakup quite differently than a woman. Afterall, we are different genders. A man might approach a breakup like this. Oh well, there are other women out there, i'll just look in my little black book and see which girl would like to go out with me tonight.

And another man who is obsessed will beg and plead with his girlfriend not to breakup with him
and she might end up getting a restraining order against him, especially if he becomes violent,
controlling or forceful.

In order for this love thing to workout between two people. They must both mutually have the
same feelings for one another. Many times that does not happen because one or the other assumes that the other is madly in love just like they are until they are utterly surprised to learn from a friend who spotted their boyfriend holding hands with another woman in the park. A breakup is imminent and when it happens to a person who saw the world in their lover, they are devastated.

A woman might cry on her friends shoulders, find solace in over-eating and become depressed, she may even feel worthless. She might feel as though no other man will ever want to be with her again. She will wonder what she did or not do that drove her boyfriend away.

Her friends will try to get her back into the swing of things by introducing her to some other men. And unfortunately some men will use her broken heart to their advantage. They will use words to boost her self esteem...telling her she is attractive. Now all women will not fall for this game, but the one who lets her broken heart make her make some impulsive decisions where she ends up having a rebound sex. It is only temporary like the high from some drugs makes you escape reality for a while. She will feel desirable and pretty again, she may even associate the sex she has with this man with love if she gets too far gone.

Becoming delusional and believing that you have a new love to take the place of the old love within days of a breakup will set you up for a big let down. You are not over your ex and you are covering up the hurt of your breakup by deceiving yourself and the other person.

Now it is possible that the reboud guy may really start to have feelings for you and in time could
fall in love with you. It would be a shame when he learns that you are only using him to make your ex boyfriend jealous.

Everyone has a heart and is entitled for love and honesty. So when you breakup with someone you owe it to yourself to take some time to get over an ex. Sometimes an ex will really start missing you and come back to you, but you started another relationship with someone you will have to dump for your ex.

Tell your friends that you don't want to get back into the dating scene for a while until you are
completely over your ex and if you do meet someone, explain to him that you are still getting
over an ex and that you don't want anything serious, that includes sex if you are the type that
does not know how to distinguish between love and sex. Because someones heart will be broken again. Be friends with others without the hassles of romance. You will be ready again after some time.


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    • Affinity2010 profile image

      Leslie Trotter 5 years ago from New Orleans, La


    • Beyond-Politics profile image

      Beyond-Politics 5 years ago from The Known Universe (

      Interesting read

    • profile image

      ExoticHippieQueen 5 years ago

      Well, I think that you really covered all the bases, all of the possible scenarios involved in the world of The End's. It's a difficult road to take regardless of whether you are married or just in a love relationship that you don't really want to end. In the end, it's' all a heartache. But one that can be survived.

    • Affinity2010 profile image

      Leslie Trotter 5 years ago from New Orleans, La

      You're right, Sometimes we let our relationships define and indentify who we are. We have to step back from a relationship and be grateful that it ended so that we can move on to bigger and better things.

    • ZRMoore profile image

      ZRMoore 5 years ago

      Yes, I agree, but sometimes the best thing that can happen to you is for a relationship to end. So many times we fail to see how some relationships keep us from being the complete beings that we are. We think that we need someone else to make us whole. That's why a lot of times people will achieve a lot more success in their life when a relationship ends. If you use the situation as a way to improve who you are you'll eventually will find someone who is on the same page as you. Eventually.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      Interesting hub. (Voted up and useful)

      I've noticed most breakup/divorce hubs tend to be from the point of view of the person who was dumped or let go. There is an assumption that that there was "someone else" on the side. Sometimes it's just as you described: "A breakup is when a couple mutually agree that moving on is best." Although it is very rare that both people want out of a relationship at the same time. Some people get (use) to being unhappy or they find themselves in a "comfort zone".

      The reality of it all is (Most) relationships fail! If they didn't we'd all be married to our Jr. high and high school sweethearts! Dating is and always has been an exploratory process. What seemed ideal at age 18 may not be what you want age 23. Everyone gets dumped or we have cared about someone more then they cared for us. Oftentimes this leads us to dump them because they have hurt us. My point is it's not the end of the world.

      There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.

      In order for him or her to be "the one" they would have to see you as being "the one". The whole concept of (soul mates) is based around the idea of two people sharing the same values, naturally agreeing on what is important, and having mutual feelings for one another. If things don't work out it wasn't meant to be. It's important to remember that every ending is a new beginning! Awhile back I wrote a hub about moving on.