In Successful Relationships Blending of Personalities of The Partners is crucial
Invest in Your Marriage
To be able to have a successful marriage, couple must be grown up emotionally. Marriage is for the mentally matured. When two people join their lives to be together in relationship, they bring along their deepest values as to what they hold dear in the world. There are fundamental differences in the values of people. Individuals are different due to their upbringings. You have different needs and different desires. Some values are a strong part of the person’s personality make-up and are resistant to change.
The blending of two different personalities requires time and emotional stability. The couple needs to be calm when problems develop. Some couples are even attracted to each other because at first they value their partners’ different ways of looking at the world. It is important that they reduce stress and tension for the mind can only operate efficiently when the emotions are under control.
Part of the problem is often unrealistic expectations. High expectations and focus on your partner’s weaknesses rather than his strengths result in personal unhappiness and a threat to the marriage. Your marriage will be successful if each of you brings out the best in the other. Two people loving each other and with high esteem for the other’s personality are bound to get along beautifully. Talk out all problems that develop together and arrive at reasonable solutions in unity.
It is crucial that you treat your spouse with respect and politeness. Never let anger make you discourteous and engage in derogatory comments. Show courtesy to your partner. Intolerance in a relationship coupled with angry, coercive behaviors always cause distancing between couples. Human beings do have a need for control in their lives. However, when personal needs spill over into demanding changes from the partner, it backfires and prevents intimacy from developing.
It is important to remember that marriage is a symbiotic relationship and not a parasitic one. Even though God made man the head of the family, marriage is complementary. The men should not dominate their wives. Manipulation is to control or play upon your partner’s intelligence in an unfair way especially for your own advantage. How often do you find yourself scheming to get what you want?
There will be need to adjust some of your ways to accommodate the other person. This adjustment must be achieved on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.
Marriage is a team work. Each partner must contribute his quota to the survival of the relationship. Do things together often and show interest in what your spouse is doing. Jay Leno wrote, “So much of making a marriage work is just about common sense. If something is important to your wife, you have to make it important to you too. My wife has plenty of interests that I wouldn’t care less about if she weren’t involved, so I get dragged into doing all kinds of things. But I realize that they just make me a better, well-rounded person.”
Make all decisions that affect your lives together. Always be interested in the other person’s activities and ideas. Direct your conversation to the other’s interests rather than talking about yourself. If you are absorbed in another’s interests, he will become attentive to yours and you will have a pleasant time together. If each makes the other happy both of you will be happy and the marriage will be a successful one.
Women who nag should know that they are sending their husband out, maybe to the bottle or to other loving women. If you understand this and send him off with enthusiasm and love he will not only hurry home to be with you but will probably not go out as often. A man, who works hard, occasionally, needs to have some relaxation and fun with his friends.
Jealousy drives some partners to attempt to manipulate and control. A jealous partner does not trust his partner. Such an attitude can force a partner to be deceitful. Rather than risk the partner’s wrath, he simply will not discuss where he is been or what he has done.
Cultivate the quality of being stimulating. If being with you makes your partner feel better and more alive, your partner will sought after you and your personal relation will be better for it.
Avoid being on the edge and over-sensitive, so that you easily hurt. People instinctively shy away from the emotionally delicate person for fear of arousing an unpleasant reaction. Avoid the temptation to react with hurt feelings, and you will get on better with your partner. Resurrecting all your doubts about whether you would be able to put aside your pasts and differences enough to have any meaningful future, ruin many marriages.
In fact, I know of a couple who blame each other for the fact that their marriage had brought them disillusionment. They had made some half-hearted attempts to enjoy each other’s company, but the casual intimacies did not bring the anticipated satisfactions, so they gradually become reconciled to the idea of leading independent lives under the same roof. This is like sitting on a keg of gunpowder.
Love your partner and do things for him. Perform unselfish and outgoing acts of friendship. Such sincere self-giving inevitably leads to pleasant personal relations and a great marriage.