The following is from my writing course and is assignment nine. I am grateful to post it so late in the day. Thank you for reading!
“Friends are flowers in the Garden of Life.” ~ Proverb
It can be difficult to rip a relationship out of your life, roots and all. I have seen this is much like tending a garden that has been allowed to be overgrown for a while. When the effort fails to be diligent, the life slowly drains out of the flowers. When the effort fails completely, we find ourselves overlooking this garden with shears and shovels in our hands. The impulse to dig up all that is dead is overwhelming.
Weeds will try to grow back, of course. I take inventory of the plants that are meant to stay. I strive to remove the chokers and threatening presences. Some of them appear innocent at first, like soft yellow dandelions in the sun. They sway on strong stalks in the May winds and become a pinnacle of wish pods. So the wishes are made and the Universe hears what it is we want. The backlash will be where those pods land and reproduce hopefully in the Field of Remembrance and Gratitude for what has been manifested.
As you pass by every day you review your inventory of memories. You wonder if it was necessary to end those relationships and leave a barren (yet fertile) patch behind. You decide you are ready for new seeds and possibilities and look forward to ones that won’t make you cringe every time you walk past.
The extractions become mulch in my soul. Old words and promises lie in dark layers and dream dark nostalgia. Silent currents still pulse within them as they reach out to threaten new life. It’s all they have left. There are ways to prevent this just like there are ways to control unwanted growth upon a landscape. It is hard work and requires constant attention. Protection, if you will.
Each morning I step into the day half awake. I pass by the Garden and think of work that must be done. My children don’t know about The Garden yet and it is because of them it must be kept healthy and free of weeds, pests, and overgrowth. They had once been seeds in utero in the Garden and I planted them unconsciously, vigorously. One day they may read about the Garden and learn how to tend their own. For now I will keep faith in the passing of my words to the page and relaying the process of growth, death, and renewal as I live it.
I work towards a well maintained Garden where my children won’t suffer the overgrowth of my destructive patterns, habits or relationships. I want them to understand that they do not need to stay in relationships that cause them unhappiness in any form. We allow ourselves to stay in these relationships because we are unsure of who we are. We sometimes fantasize that we can change people with dedication and compassion when in reality we can only change ourselves. We can learn to recognize growth, stagnation, and death in our relationships. We learn to see that all we do affects the people around us and if we spread out negative, hateful, and jealous seeds that they only poison the rest of the Garden. These “weeds” only make more work for us.
My Garden is fragile this Spring. I carefully research beneficial properties of potential additions. The whispers of spirits and guides are gentle yet strong. Together we cultivate insight and foresight. Nostalgic bulbs lay deep in the soil. They have slept there and their time to be dug out has arrived. They are unwanted and void of my affinity. The corpses of leaves, buds and petals litter the corridors of my soul. They lay there wishing for renewal and re-birth they innately know is not coming. Their time is spent, so brief and glorious in the sunlight of late summer.
I work on uprooting insecurities. Other people’s behaviors, problems, and issues make me look at myself. What is it that I see in those mirrors? I feel friction from certain things and people. I understand that these things grow in my Garden because they are allowed to. I have planted them there. There are also issues in myself that no one can help me with and they have continued to grow. I uproot myself from people and situations that instigate me and prepare to face the discomfort head on. It is then only me causing friction, with no one around to blame it on but myself.
Now there are no jealous digs or uninterested conversations about how one tragedy is worse than another. Nothing about how life sucks and everything is looked at with hate and expectancy when the truth is never really told. Gone are over-exaggerated details blown magnificently out of proportion. What is left is the acceptance of how things can overgrow and sneak out into others gardens, choking and holding those unsuspecting, trusting people down.
I am cultivating a way to understand myself through writing more so that I may understand others as I learn to tear away the terrorists of my psyche. We are not so different, you and I. We all want certain things. We all need people and love. We all want our Gardens to be free of weeds, pests, and unidentified others. Whether we can maintain a healthy habitat or not is truly up to us. Only when we truly know who and what is growing along with us can we take a breath and enjoy our delicate Gardens.