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Can A Man Be Immature?

Updated on May 12, 2014
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Immaturity comes in all sizes, ages and ethnicities....

As a woman it can be easy to label a child or a guy who is much younger than you, as being immature. Of course this is usually the case, however, I have found children (my 8 year old nephew being one of them) to be more mature than some of the men I have met or dated. The reality—the older a guy is doesn't make him more mature (except in years).

Excuses Women Tell Themselves Why A Guy Can't Be Immature:

  1. He is a business man or entrepreneur
  2. He is sexy and tall
  3. He is too masculine
  4. He is successful
  5. He is a nice guy
  6. He has been married before
  7. He attends church, temple, etc. on a regular basis
  8. He is a good father
  9. He has a really nice house or car
  10. He is a great cook
  11. He has great style
  12. He is taking care of a family member

Just because a guy is mature at work or with his finances, doesn't makes him mature in relationships and how he treats women.

Having maturity in a relationship is knowing how to properly handle any situation with respect and humility—being able to admit when you are wrong, being apologetic and also communicating if you think the other person is wrong or has done something to upset you.

Too often men will make rash decisions based on their ego and fear causing them to take the easy road out—not calling, when you have upset them. A guy who is immature will never own up to his actions, or question yours. He will use lack of communication (pouting) to let you know that he is not happy. However, when you acknowledge the fact that he has done a 180 from the way he use to contact you—since it is obviously clear that his feelings have changed, he will act like there is nothing wrong. This type of guy will play the passive aggressive card, "I'm just sooooooo busy" (all of a sudden) to not call you as much, or at all for that matter. Frankly, this behavior is not attractive and it makes a woman completely lose all respect and interest.

To grow in any relationship it takes communication and honesty.

Women have a natural tendency to talk about how they are feeling. We talk about what makes us happy, what makes us sad, upset or angry. We will talk about what is bothering us and what we need to make things better in a relationship. We talk and talk and talk. All the talking we do is to help us to evolve emotionally. In turn, talking helps the men (who listen) to gain the needed tools for successful future relationships.

Most of the time woman express their feelings to help nurture and advance the relationship they are in. Some men might tune us out, some might listen, but overall we have an effect on their possible future behavior in relationship.

Nowadays it is rare to find a man that will show the same maturity and respect to share what he is thinking and feeling.

When a guy cannot and will not express how he is feeling, it gives you the false impression that everything is great in the relationship. If you have no idea that you have upset a guy you are dating how does he expect you to fix things or work on yourself so that it doesn't happen again? Unfortunately (for them), immature men will hold themselves to a different value than you.

No one should be with anyone who is filled only with drama or negativity. However, there is a huge difference between the normality of human every day stuff that is bound to arise, and that causes conflict. How does a guy handle this? Is he quick to put on his running shoes? Does he quietly sit back, never saying anything at all, and then all of a sudden, he disappears? Yes, if you're dealing with an immature man.

Ladies, assuming maturity is based on the age of a guy is bound to be a major let down.

I've dated all sorts of guys—various ages, ethnicity, personal types, styles, etc. and I have found men who seemed, at least on the surface, to be mature—end up being extremely immature.

Immature Things That Men Do In Relationships:

1. Getting upset and instead of communicating why—he disappears out of your life (sometimes forever).

2. When Something you said or did rubbed him the wrong way—instead of communicating—his life all of a sudden becomes "really, really busy."

3. Plays the guessing game—instead of communicating what's wrong he will tell you that you should know, and to figure it out. ( he incapable of using his words?)

4. He'll take constructive feedback you give him as a personal attack against him.

5. He will Always make it about his needs—physically and emotionally.

6. Can't commit to long term.

7. Carries a torch for his ex-girlfriend/wife—who clearly doesn't want him anymore.

8. Conversations you have are mostly about him and everything having to do with him (job, kid(s), personal life).

9. He will not realize that some adult issues require therapy to resolve or move on.

10. Man cave (need I say more).

11. When mad—he will hold back on what normally comes natural in the relationship—opening doors, complementing you, being considerate.

12. He will throw temper tantrums—slamming, yelling, punching walls.

13. Overindulge—drinking, partying, and/or blatantly flirting with other woman.

14. He won't talk to you when he's upset, But, once he's ready to talk—he expects you to be open to listening and talking (Are you kidding me?)—and when you aren't, you're the bad person.

15. Thinks that everything revolves around him—his work schedule, his workout schedule, his kids, his life. (Very selfish!)

16. He won't pick up the phone when you call, but you've witnessed his answering skills when you've been with him.

17. He'll tell you how you feel about situations you haven't fully discussed, "I can't give you what I think you want." (and you haven't had the serious relationship talk).

Immaturity can sneak its ugly way into any relationship—especially if the guy is inexperienced with communicating effectively. And no—not calling, does not equal communicating! As women, we need to stop making excuses and justifying men's poor behavior. When you do, it makes him believe that the way he treats you is acceptable.

Ladies, you should never feel as though you have to walk on egg-shells when you're dating a guy, because you're worried about how he'll react to things you say or do. It's important to be true to who you are and not hide your personality for any guy. The man who is right for you, will accept you and love the qualities that make you who you are. If you're dating a man who thinks it's ok to act immature—be very clear that it's not. If he continues to misbehave—it might be time to ground him permanently out of your life!


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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      True dashingscorpio you never said better listener...I thought that was the implication, but...even when you are silent you may not be listening more (anyone who has kids knows this - lol)

      I totally agree with dashingscorpio...great topics, fun to discuss:) Keep writing your hubs and commentary.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago

      marketeconomy, I never said men were "better" listeners! I (asked) if their silence meant they listened (more) because they talked less? :-)

      Miss-Adventures; I believe both men and women are often frustrated with some basic "gender" differences that have been around forever and yet most people do eventually go onto get married or have long-term relationships.

      Immature has numerous definitions such as " not fully developed or grown. : acting in a childish way : having or showing a lack of emotional maturity..." However I suspect what makes a couple happy is when they're both (on the same page) even if the rest of the world considers (both) of them to be immature. It's when they're not in agreement that causes problems.

      Most men give up the bulk of a household to the designs of their female mates. I bet if you asked a man: "What is a man cave?" He is likely to tell you that it is a room or a place he calls his own. More often than not it has a large flat screen TV or pool table and a bar or other things that he as well as his male friends enjoy doing.

      I completely agree with you that both genders put their best foot forward when they're attracted to a new person and begin the courtship phase. This why it's important to not overcommit too soon or before they reveal their "authentic selves".

      As always I enjoy reading your hubs and your commentary about relationships. You have excellent topics worthy of discussion! :-)

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      6 years ago from Denver

      Very good point marketeconomy, women are more verbal than men. I 100% agree---just because a person is silent doesn't make them a better listener. Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate your feedback!

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      6 years ago from Denver

      dashingscorpio, yes you are right---I do not date women, and clearly you do not date men. ;)

      I am sure that women can be as I described men, however if you have read my profile I write mainly about men, not women, so there is no debate there. :) When women complain that men aren't "real men" it has nothing to do with a guy "not doing what we want" or expecting them to "read our minds." Again, clearly you have never dated men. Women giving constructive feedback---in this article and in most cases, is usually when a guy asks us for it, not in hopes to "change him." However, don't ask and then get upset and pout when you don't like the answer. As far as the "man cave," clearly you have misunderstood my point in this article. A man going into his man cave is when he disappears and hides to do his own thing---changing his pattern when he doesn't want to communicate. I do not mean an actual room that he hangs out in with friends. Of course a guy should have time with his friends. In this article that was never mentioned as an issue. Immaturity has WAY more to do with how someone treats someone or deals with a situation versus "someone who acts silly when they should be serious."

      Bottom-line, when a man meets a woman, he is usually putting his best foot forward. In relationships you don't always see the "real" person until (often) months after you have been dating. Because of this, it's not always possible for a woman to immediately recognize the type of man she is dating. Of course, after dating for awhile she sees things she's not happy with and still stays with him---then yes, at that point she is choosing, but instead of her just being immature, it could possibly be a case of not having enough self-esteem to end it…..which is a completely different issue. Wanting love, or to be loved does not qualify someone as being immature. Immaturity is defined in the way you handle situations and interact with other people.

      As always, thanks for reading and commenting on my articles - I appreciate it.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      just because a person is silent, it does not mean he/she is a better listener:)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago

      marketeconomy, "Men are not as verbal as women."

      Are you saying men listen more than women do? :-)

      You're right poor communication has little to do with gender.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Many academic studies have proven that women are more verbal than men in all aspects of life. Whether or not this makes them good communicators depends on the woman. Men are not as verbal as women. Whether or not this makes them bad communicators depends on the man.

      Both women and men can be poor at communication, immature in their communication, or immature in their private or professional lives.

      This article is just one women's experiences.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      6 years ago from Chicago

      "Women have a natural tendency to talk about how they are feeling. We talk about what makes us happy, what makes us sad, upset or angry. We will talk about what is bothering us and what we need to make things better in a relationship." - Clearly you've never dated any women. LOL!

      Based upon my experience women are as you described when they're (talking to their girlfriends) about their relationships with their men!

      Quite a few women are known to respond to their man asking them if they're okay with words like "fine" or "whatever" and if he is (naïve) enough to believe she really is "fine" with everything he will soon learn how wrong he is.

      In fact lots of women prefer to be indirect or "drop hints" when they are in private with their man. One of the biggest complaints men have is dealing with women who expect them to be able to "read their mind". The other complaint is if a man does not behave or does whatever a "she" thinks he ought be doing then he's labeled as not being "a real man" or some other term designed to either emasculate or shame him into doing what (she) wants. Rarely do you hear of men stating a woman is not "a real woman".

      So called "constructive feedback" is oftentimes seen as (unsolicited) attempts to "change" a person. People only change when (they're) unhappy with the results they're getting. A woman is better off investing her time trying to find a man who (already is) they kind of man she wants.

      The "man cave" is not about immaturity as it is recognizing men enjoy bonding with one another over sports. Women bond with each other all the time (shopping together), (spa days), (bridal showers), (baby showers), or (going to the bathroom together). Men don't call women immature for bonding.

      When it comes to commitment most women would rather say "He has a fear of commitment" than to admit to herself "she is not the one". Odds are (he is going to marry someone) it just won't be her!

      On the other hand if a woman avoids commitment or states "she doesn't need a man" she is not called immature by women. She's seen as being strong/independent, career focused, empowered or "refusing to settle".

      A lot of the animosity and frustration that occurs between men and women has to do with them refusing to accept there are some real differences between the genders. Men and women don't think and feel the same way about things. Expecting someone or something to become who they are not will only lead to frustration. The goal is to find someone who naturally agrees with you on the important things.

      Immaturity in my mind is someone who acts silly when they should be serious. It can also mean the person lacks experience which causes them to have "unrealistic expectations" and therefore lacking in wisdom.

      Lastly I'd say that being violent, controlling, narcissistic, misogynistic, or selfish is not so much about being immature. This person is not naïve, innocent, inexperienced, or lacking wisdom. They simply don't care about anyone outside of themselves.

      Real maturity is about understanding circumstances and knowing what things you can and cannot control in your life. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. We're responsible for our own happiness. At some point women with "immature men" have to take responsibility for (choosing) these men! Real maturity also involves knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no". Only you know what makes (you) happy. If a woman is always choosing the wrong men for herself then may she is not the mature one.

      "If it's on my plate I must have ordered it!"

      One man's opinion! :-)


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