- Gender and Relationships
Can A Man Be Immature?
Immaturity comes in all sizes, ages and ethnicities....
As a woman it can be easy to label a child or a guy who is much younger than you, as being immature. Of course this is usually the case, however, I have found children (my 8 year old nephew being one of them) to be more mature than some of the men I have met or dated. The reality—the older a guy is doesn't make him more mature (except in years).
Excuses Women Tell Themselves Why A Guy Can't Be Immature:
- He is a business man or entrepreneur
- He is sexy and tall
- He is too masculine
- He is successful
- He is a nice guy
- He has been married before
- He attends church, temple, etc. on a regular basis
- He is a good father
- He has a really nice house or car
- He is a great cook
- He has great style
- He is taking care of a family member
Just because a guy is mature at work or with his finances, doesn't makes him mature in relationships and how he treats women.
Having maturity in a relationship is knowing how to properly handle any situation with respect and humility—being able to admit when you are wrong, being apologetic and also communicating if you think the other person is wrong or has done something to upset you.
Too often men will make rash decisions based on their ego and fear causing them to take the easy road out—not calling, when you have upset them. A guy who is immature will never own up to his actions, or question yours. He will use lack of communication (pouting) to let you know that he is not happy. However, when you acknowledge the fact that he has done a 180 from the way he use to contact you—since it is obviously clear that his feelings have changed, he will act like there is nothing wrong. This type of guy will play the passive aggressive card, "I'm just sooooooo busy" (all of a sudden) to not call you as much, or at all for that matter. Frankly, this behavior is not attractive and it makes a woman completely lose all respect and interest.
To grow in any relationship it takes communication and honesty.
Women have a natural tendency to talk about how they are feeling. We talk about what makes us happy, what makes us sad, upset or angry. We will talk about what is bothering us and what we need to make things better in a relationship. We talk and talk and talk. All the talking we do is to help us to evolve emotionally. In turn, talking helps the men (who listen) to gain the needed tools for successful future relationships.
Most of the time woman express their feelings to help nurture and advance the relationship they are in. Some men might tune us out, some might listen, but overall we have an effect on their possible future behavior in relationship.
Nowadays it is rare to find a man that will show the same maturity and respect to share what he is thinking and feeling.
When a guy cannot and will not express how he is feeling, it gives you the false impression that everything is great in the relationship. If you have no idea that you have upset a guy you are dating how does he expect you to fix things or work on yourself so that it doesn't happen again? Unfortunately (for them), immature men will hold themselves to a different value than you.
No one should be with anyone who is filled only with drama or negativity. However, there is a huge difference between the normality of human every day stuff that is bound to arise, and that causes conflict. How does a guy handle this? Is he quick to put on his running shoes? Does he quietly sit back, never saying anything at all, and then all of a sudden, he disappears? Yes, if you're dealing with an immature man.
Ladies, assuming maturity is based on the age of a guy is bound to be a major let down.
I've dated all sorts of guys—various ages, ethnicity, personal types, styles, etc. and I have found men who seemed, at least on the surface, to be mature—end up being extremely immature.
Immature Things That Men Do In Relationships:
1. Getting upset and instead of communicating why—he disappears out of your life (sometimes forever).
2. When Something you said or did rubbed him the wrong way—instead of communicating—his life all of a sudden becomes "really, really busy."
3. Plays the guessing game—instead of communicating what's wrong he will tell you that you should know, and to figure it out. (Hmmmm....is he incapable of using his words?)
4. He'll take constructive feedback you give him as a personal attack against him.
5. He will Always make it about his needs—physically and emotionally.
6. Can't commit to long term.
7. Carries a torch for his ex-girlfriend/wife—who clearly doesn't want him anymore.
8. Conversations you have are mostly about him and everything having to do with him (job, kid(s), personal life).
9. He will not realize that some adult issues require therapy to resolve or move on.
10. Man cave (need I say more).
11. When mad—he will hold back on what normally comes natural in the relationship—opening doors, complementing you, being considerate.
12. He will throw temper tantrums—slamming, yelling, punching walls.
13. Overindulge—drinking, partying, and/or blatantly flirting with other woman.
14. He won't talk to you when he's upset, But, once he's ready to talk—he expects you to be open to listening and talking (Are you kidding me?)—and when you aren't, you're the bad person.
15. Thinks that everything revolves around him—his work schedule, his workout schedule, his kids, his life. (Very selfish!)
16. He won't pick up the phone when you call, but you've witnessed his answering skills when you've been with him.
17. He'll tell you how you feel about situations you haven't fully discussed, "I can't give you what I think you want." (and you haven't had the serious relationship talk).
Immaturity can sneak its ugly way into any relationship—especially if the guy is inexperienced with communicating effectively. And no—not calling, does not equal communicating! As women, we need to stop making excuses and justifying men's poor behavior. When you do, it makes him believe that the way he treats you is acceptable.
Ladies, you should never feel as though you have to walk on egg-shells when you're dating a guy, because you're worried about how he'll react to things you say or do. It's important to be true to who you are and not hide your personality for any guy. The man who is right for you, will accept you and love the qualities that make you who you are. If you're dating a man who thinks it's ok to act immature—be very clear that it's not. If he continues to misbehave—it might be time to ground him permanently out of your life!