- Gender and Relationships
Can Past Love Resurface Again?
When many people see a couple who is happily married they assume their journey was easy. They dated, began a monogamous relationship, got engaged and married—just like that—with no major bumps on their way to love. Of course, the assumption is that they never had any arguments or fights—or if they did, they were minor because the love they had was much stronger. Sounds amazing right? Maybe in La-la land.
Life is never that easy, nor should it be. Let's keep it real—couples fight. Mature couples will try to keep their arguments private versus causing a scene in front of their friends, family and children. However, arguments and disagreements are natural, especially when you spend a lot of time around someone. How you fight—respectfully or not—determines if a relationship will successfully last. Also the journey to the love found for many couples wasn't necessarily organic right away—it either took a lot of work, or for some—time apart.
Time apart can sometimes lead to an unexpected revelation of what you really want. This time could be months or possibly years before realizing that the person you were meant to be with was right in front of you the entire time. Don't get me wrong, if a relationship ended because two people wanted completely opposite things or there was mental or physical abuse (yikes) time apart won't change anything—move on with your life. There are some people that are just too different or too toxic to be in a lasting relationship—that's why they should stay exes.
Yes, most exes are exes for a reason, however sometimes having adequate time apart to grow, mature and experience life further—before reconnecting again—can create a new beginning and an even stronger bond for some couples—if the relationship didn't end in a excruciating negative way.
Timing can be a big factor for why some couples didn't work the first time around but were successful the second time....
A friend of mine dated her boyfriend for several years, but due to timing (and what they both wanted at the time) their relationship ended. Since there was no animosity when they broke-up they sporadically kept in touch over a span of five years. Even though they both still had respect and fondness for each other they continued to live their lives separately—never realizing that the Universe would one day bring them back together.
Since my friend and her boyfriend were broken-up—never thinking they would ever get back together—they dated other people, he moved and they both started their own careers—but through all of this they still remained distant friends—seeing each other on occasion. When my friends ex-boyfriend decided that he really, really was missing being with her, he told her that he wanted to try things again—since she was single and also missing him—they ended up having a long distance relationship (he lived in Texas at the time). Seeing each other for the first time face to face after rekindling their relationship—the flame between them not only reignited, but their love also resurfaced. They began dating again and ended up getting married—happily married for over eight years now. Hurray!
I know this story sounds like a fairy-tale or a romantic movie you might see, however being the hopeless romantic that I am, I do believe that love can resurface again—if it's meant too—and it did with my friends. Don't get me wrong, if there are deeper issues at bay—besides timing or differences in what you want at the time—due to age or needing to experience life a little more—holding on to the hope of an ex coming back might be a serious waste of time—emotionally and mentally.
When my friend and her boyfriend broke up they didn't sit around waiting for the other person to change their mind, they healthily lived their lives. You hear the saying a lot (although there are many versions), "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be."
Another friend of mine was in a marriage for several years that wasn't working. Her and her husband had a hard time communicating and understanding each other's needs. When they decided to separate it was a shock to everyone—we all thought they were the perfect couple—and on the surface they were. During their separation they went to therapy and sought out their churches help—a year later their love resurfaced again.
My friend and her husband not only saved their marriage but also became an even stronger couple. They fell in love again, learned to communicate and understand each other's needs on a deeper more nurturing level. Since working on their marriage I am happy to say that they have been together for over ten years. Being in their presence today you would never know (or think) there were ever any major issues that they had to hurdle over. They did, but through their experience they were able to rekindle their love.
Here's the thing, you never know where love will find you or with whom—there could be a past love that ended because one or both of you weren't ready at the time when you were in a relationship, but still cared for each other. It's important to keep your heart open—again waiting around for someone to change their mind or come back is very different—and a toxic relationship should stay in the trash....forever. Live your life to the fullest, learn from experiences, and be open to wild possibilities...love just might appear again unexpectedly from someone you already know.