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Can You Let Go Of Expectations Surrounding Love?

Updated on November 16, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

It can be easy to proclaim that you are ready for love while at the same time attaching to this proclamation a list of expectations. Hmmm…sounds a little contradictory right? These particular expectations include: when you expect to find love, where you expect to find love and exactly what that love should be like—physically, mentally and emotionally. When your expectations don't end up matching with the timeline you have set for yourself—discouragement will start to creep in.

Who wouldn't become discouraged? When you have a set plan it must happen the way you imagine...correct? Honestly that’s unrealistic. Just because most of your friends and family members are married and have children doesn’t mean that it’s your time. The Universe has deemed that you are not emotionally ready—yet—because you don't honestly believe you are. Proclaiming out loud is different from believing with your entire being.

Everyone is on a different path when it comes to finding lasting love. Until you are OK with knowing that and let go of the silly expectations that you should be married with children by the age of thirty (thirty-five at the latest) you are setting yourself up for attracting the wrong type of men.

There is a process to love. Lasting love will find you when you are ready, not a moment before. Not when you think you are ready, but when you are actually ready—and maybe that might mean moving to a different area/state/country, changing careers or a job, or trying something new. Don't get me wrong, you can hurry the process, however that usually ends up with you picking the wrong men and not finding lasting love—is that what you really want?

How can you truly be open to love if you expect love to be in a certain package and delivered right to your doorstep on a certain day? That's silly. Obviously I'm somewhat exaggerating, however you get the point—certain expectations can block love coming into your life—so let them go.

Letting go of expectations is letting go of the time frame that surrounds your journey for love, as well as the expectation that every guy you date should be "the one." He may not be. What he might be is the one to help you learn more about yourself—bringing you one step closer to lasting love finding you. Hurray!

I'm not saying that you should settle or be with a guy who you aren't attracted to, or be with a guy that you don't care how he treats you—no one should be a doormat. However, what would happen if you let go of the expectations that are obviously holding you back, and let yourself be more open to love finding you—no specific date, time or preconceived package?

It's important to broaden your never know when or where love will find you...

A friend of mine had a relationship end that left her very emotionally heartbroken. After her heart had time to heal she decided to go join a dating site (something she never saw herself doing) as a baby-step way of putting herself back on the dating market. Since my friend wasn't one hundred percent ready to be in another relationship yet, she decided to just have fun and take her dating experience slowly. She put together a quick casual profile and went on this dating site ever so often as a way of seeing what men were potentially out there, while still keeping the possibility of love open. Months later to her surprise...she ended up finding love.

Since my friend was not out there frantically searching, and decided to do something different—getting on the dating site—love came to her unexpectedly.

The guy who she ended up meeting on the site not only looked nothing like the men she had dated before, but he was also new to Internet dating as well. My friend and this guy communicated for two weeks before actually meeting. When they finally met it felt completely organic and natural. They have been together for over two years—they are engaged, planning their wedding and purchased a house together. Yay!

When my friend decided to let go of the expectations of finding love—but still kept her heart open to the possibilities—love found her.

It can be easy to hang on to expectations since they are built on fear. Expectations block true love. By having specific criteria's in your head of what love should ultimately look like in every form, you are setting yourself up for disappointment, heartbreak and superficial relationships. Also if you force love to happen before you are emotionally ready, that can be a disaster waiting to happen. Love will come—it will...when it's meant to.

Another friend of mine was telling me that her current boyfriend is the first guy she decided to let go of any expectations and instead let herself be more open to what is naturally meant to occur. It has always been easy for her to start planning a future in her mind regarding what each relationships should ultimately look like. In her mind every guy she dated was for the goal of marriage which caused her to miss out on the overall experience she was having at the time. When these relationships ended she couldn't wrap her head around why—which in turn continued to set her up for further disappointments and many more unsuccessful relationships.

By realizing that these expectations she was having were actually detouring love, my friend decided to let them go, and when she did, that is when she ending up meeting her boyfriend and is having, “the healthiest relationship with him that she has ever had in her life."

Ladies, we can think that having expectations regarding when love is supposed to happen (and what that fully looks like) is a great thing, but it's actually not. What's actually great is knowing with your entire heart, mind, body and soul that love will find you—and fully trusting in that belief. Keeping your heart open to love is the biggest factor....even if it happens later then you had hoped. Let go of the expectations and you may realize love is surrounding you in many ways.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Excellent article!

      ".... let go of the silly expectations that you should be married with children by the age of thirty (thirty-five at the latest) you are setting yourself up for attracting the wrong type of men." - Very true!

      I believe there are 3 top reasons for our high divorce rate.

      1. They chose the wrong mate.

      (This often happens when people marry too young before figuring out who they are and what they want/need in a mate for life.)

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      2. They got married for the wrong reasons

      (They had an "age goal" to be married by, an unplanned pregnancy, all of their friends were married, an ultimatum was given, he had money... and worst of all {he loved her more} than she loved him).

      A marriage based upon circumstances is likely to fail.

      3. They fell out of love over time and grew apart.

      (Essentially no longer wanted the same things. Evolved in different ways)