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Celibacy... Do it With Your Hands Up!

Updated on July 1, 2014

Human Sex Drive... a Dominant Force

The budding of the sex drive may find the virginal young fluttering inwardly as expectation and curiosity fills their waking hours. They dream of the perfect harmonious relationship. They imagine a scenario of permanent love, permanent care and the often elusive concept of living happily ever-after.

We find them falling in love with a new person every week. We anguish with them as the awakening chemicals course through their young bodies, leading them to sing love songs late into the night and causing them to cry because Johnny didn't call or because Susie tweets her love for Freddy.

For the unmarried non-virgin, the picture is a little different. They may have been hurt emotionally in their sexual encounter(s) and vow to be more discriminating with the next person they are attracted to. Or, they may have been hit with the unsatiable desire to go on sexual conquest after sexual conquest... leaving one disaster after another in their wake..

The unhappy married are tempted like the unmmaried non-virgin while the divorced and widowed are not far behind. Most hope for the sex drive to wane with the passing of age but until it does, (if it does) there will always be the need to "work with" your sexual desires.

To do or not to do, that is the dilemna.


Desire or Lust? What is the difference?

The sex drive or desire is certainly one of the strongest human instincts (outside of the need for food), that is known to man. Sex drive speaks to the survival of a species. (You can't eat food if you are extinct). The drive is normal, necessary and understood. We set up parameters to handle sexual desire. Sexual lust however, is another story.

As a noun desire is defined as:

1.a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment: a desire for fame. 2. an expressed wish; request. 3. something desired. 4. sexual appetite or a sexual urge.

As a noun lust is defined as:

1.intense sexual desire or appetite. 2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness. 3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power. 4. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish:

Notice even as nouns, "desire" is more passive than "lust". The description or definition of lust uses strong verbs, "intense", "uncontrolled", "illicit", "overmastering desire", "craving". All of these words are words that can lead to trouble.

Sexual lust has to be controlled by each individual. Without this control one can wind up in a diseased, confused and traumatic mess. People loose all logical thought when powered by sexual lust.

Uncontrolled sexual lust can cause all kinds of trouble for the person experiencing it as well as for the target of that lust.

Mentally it can make the bearer negligent of his or her responsibilities, cause obsession and delirium.

Emotionally it can cause meloncholy, depression, confusion and self-delusion.

Physically, the overflow of adrelin and tetosterone can damage your body causing excessive stress and aggression. And, if you indulge yourself, you may find yourself contracting any one of a number of life endangering diseases.

Socially, men, you can mess around and not understand that "no" means "no" and you could wind up in jail, or become that creepy guy nobody likes; women, you could be unfortunate enough to have that "Fatal Attraction", "Single White Femaie". "Thin Line Between Love and Hate" mix and also wind up in jail.

Financially, well, lust makes you not care about anything but it. You will give all that you have just to satisfy it.


But I love Them....

Well, you probably do, but with what kind of love? There is the love of a parent for a child, the love of a friend for a friend, sexual love and unconditional love. What kind of love do you are you talking about?

The love of a parent for their child is universal in normal people. This love is caring and nurturing, giving and sacrifical. The love of a friend for a friend is a connection of emotions and minds almost causing a family-like bond. Sexual love is not evil, it is just based on sexual desire and needs to have some boundaries or standards associated with it. Unconditional love i the love that God has toward mankind. This is the love that takes you as you are and blesses you so that you begin to change in response to it. It makes you a better person. Unconditional love is the long lasting committment kind of love.

Granted, it may be difficult to know the difference between the desire that leads to love and family and the lust that leads to pain and lack. There are many signs, signals and flags to look for in yourself and in the other person that will help you come to the right conclusion. But, these may take time and if you are in lust, you may not perceive clearly.

If you become sexually active before you know what is really going on in the "like" or "love" department, you could come out of it damaged on a number of levels. Recovery from damaged emotions is not always guaranteed. It is easier to keep something safe than it is to repair it after it is broken.

Sex Changes Things

You may have heard of the saying, "Prayer changes things." Well, you can be certain that sex changes things. Wonderful friendship relationships have been lost when sex was introduced. Confident young men and women become insecure when rejected in sexual relationships.

Biblically, sex was designed to permanently connect a man and woman. The connection was established by the joining of their souls; (the mind, the emotions, and the will)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:and they shall be one flesh.Genesis 2:24

It says they will be one flesh. We presume the demonstration of the "one flesh" is through the act of sexual intercourse. Well, if the act of sex makes you one with a person and them one with you, what happens when you have multiple partners? How many "ones" can you be and still function as you should? Do you think maybe joining yourself with different people might be mentally and emotionally harmful? Could this be the reason you cannot stop going back to the person who is just not right for you?

Sex certainly changes things.


The World Around Us

Society is openly sex-crazed which may have many of us de-sentized to the nakedness of it all. Non-marital sex is no longer treated as the taboo of years ago. Elementary school aged children are "exploring" their sexuality; and, well meaning adults think that this is just fine.

Something has really gone wrong. Innocence is no longer a cherished possession. Our culture and society seem to want to rush to introduce our youngest members to sexually themed experiences.I don't know how that happened, but the proof of it is on billboards, television, video games, the web and in print media.

How much more important should it be to ourselves be examples before them. How much more important should it be to tell a young child that their sexuality is prescious and worth waiting to be explored until they have meant the one they want to marry.

There is a higher percentage of professing Christians who are regularly engaged in pre-marital sex without the hint of remorse. They are just rolling with what others are doing. We need help! This is not a condemnation, because the drive and desire for sex is real, it is natural and it is challenging to resist.

If you fall into this category, be not condemned but know it it contrary to the will of God for your life. You may say, but, I have tried and for whatever reason, I have not been successful in keeping myself celebate. So, I just hope and pray for the best.

There is a more excellent way.....

It Can be Done

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is]
faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will
with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it]. 1 Corinthians 10:13 - King James Version

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And
God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.
When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13 - New Living Translation

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 - The Message

"Able to bear it", speaks to to holding up under; being capable of going through difficult times and events without crumbling. "You can endure", speaks to holding out against an adverse force or influence of any kind; suffer without yielding; suffer patiently

There is Effort Involved

Often when we are told that scripture is the answer, we drop our heads and express our doubts. Not our doubts about scripture being the answer, but our doubts about our ability to obey scripture.

For some reason many Christians think that all they have to do is confess the Word and it will come to pass. Well, in cases of lust, addictions and other mentally and physically challenging behaviors, we have to put action to our confession.

What that means is we have to resist the devil, run from sexual temptations, renew our minds, use practice praise and worship as a weapon, and keep ourselves in the love of God. It can be done, we can walk in the promises of God, we can walk free of the bondage of Satan and the lusts of our flesh... but it takes a combination of our faith confession, our controling of our body and re-directing our thoughts.

What Are the Mechanics? How is it Done?

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 King James Version

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. 2 Timothy 2:22 New Living Translation

First of all, it cannot be done without help. The help you need is both spiritual and natural. This means you need both God's help and help from like-minded friends. You have to know that because sex is natural and created by God, you will have a desire for it. If you don't understand this you will fall into condemnation and guilt.

Secondly, you have to understand that God loves you. He is not testing you to see how strong you are or what your breaking point is. He already knows these things.

Thirdly, you need to know that you cannot sit around looking as sexual content and expect not to be tempted. Porn is not your friend.

Fourthly, you need to get with and make friends with people who are committed to a walk of celibacy like you are.

Note: Some people think using sex toys, participating in mutual masturbation, or self manipulation is permissible in the walk of celebacy. Sorry, it isn't. You will find that if you yield to God, He will empower you to keep your hands up in a worship when you want to put your hands elsewhere.

Fifthly, do not be ashamed to run as fast and as far as you can from sexual temptation. A good run is better than a bad stand or in this case a bad fall. Run, Forest, Run!

Finally, nothing takes the place of daily fellowship with the Lord. Trusting in His Word, searching His Word, listening for His voice through His Word. Renew your mind to think like the Word. Allow the daily praise and worship to bring you into the very presence of God. Keep yourself in the love of God. He will strengthen you, He will keep you.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8


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    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 3 years ago from Georgia

      Please understand that I do not justify sin. Fornication is sin. Making your brother or sister stumble is sin.

      If you are talking about, the unsaved seductress then yes, she knows what she is doing. Just like the man who comes in to deceive the women of God, as a wolf in sheep's clothing. These people know and have planned what they are doing.

      But, the baby in Christ and the unlearned must be taught before they are rebuked or corrected. The pastor has to guide the sheep into green pastures. And, modest dressing, for both men and women is green pasture.

      In the Word also says(1Tim. 6:12)

      Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

      and... (Gal 1:6)

      Finally, Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

      Thanks again for the discussion via your comments :)

    • profile image

      PMARTIN 3 years ago

      The word says we are to judge a tree by its fruits--if a couple has sex outside of marriage--its fornication. If a pastor has a mistress he is an adulterer. We are not to be a stumbling block to a fellow Christian but in love we are to help him or her. If women come to church barely dressed, they know what they are doingand she is a stumbling block and it is her fault just as a man takes advantage of a lonely woman.

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 3 years ago from Georgia

      I dare not judge whether a person in a fault is not saved... If you have received Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior with all sincerity of heart, than you are saved....

      But, you may not be delivered. You may be bound tightly with the spirit of lust and not have learned yet, how to get free from the bondage. As you say yourself, Christian men are struggling with lust.... but, it is not the woman's fault.

      Yes, modesty seems to be a dying thing for many women both in the church and in the world. But, for some men, a barely dressed woman or a modestly dressed woman both stir up strong lustful feelings.... It is the devils job to make the Believer stumble. and sexual lust is a very useful tool to do this...

      I don't think preachers are afraid to comment so much as they are relying on the Holy Spirit to convict people through the Word of God.

      As believers, we must gird up, pray up and forcefully command and demand our bodies to come in line as well as take authority over every demonic trap, scheme, and plan....

      Thanks for your comment!

    • profile image

      PMARTIN 3 years ago

      A couple of comments-- If a person is regularly commiting fornication, they are not Christians whether they profess it or not and actually need to feel "condemned" and "guilty". Wages of sin is death. They know better.

      Second, why are we afraid to include in our sexually charge society that women are now exposing their body beyond what is decent and its even encroaching into the church and preachers are afraid to comment--christian men struggling with lust have absolutely no sanctuary. Sexuality is in our faces EVERYWHERE!

    • LeslieAdrienne profile image

      Leslie A. Shields 4 years ago from Georgia

      Thank you sooo much... it is only by the grace of God!

    • Careermommy profile image

      Tirralan Watkins 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Very well researched and honest hub about celibacy. This was not an easy subject to tackle and you did it in such a thoughtful way.