- Gender and Relationships
Characteristics We Look For In A Possible Mate
Finding A Good Man
My niece had a song posted up on her facebook the other day called Findin’ A Good Man by Danielle Peck and it got me to wondering what is the difference between what women are looking for and what men are looking for in a potential mate. The song rattles off a lot of attributes that none of us girls do want. “Pushy Guys and Fast movers, Let’s dedicate this girls night out to big talkers, bad losers. I’ts so hard finding a good man. Here’s to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters, to the mama’s boys who can’t make a stand, Here’s to the superficial players, the I love you to soon sayers. If you hear me girls raise your hand.”
So now that we have what we don’t want out of the way, let’s examine what we do want. I do think there are some fundamentals that everyone wants. Yshashikant tells us in his hubpage called The Three Qualities Women Look For In Everyman and Vice Versa, that both men and women want honesty, a sense of humor and loving and caring. I’m not sure everyone would put a sense of humor at the top of their list, but I agree it’s still important. But I do think that people look for different things in a partner. And I think that generally the list between what women want and what men want differ. To begin with I do believe that what a person is looking for depends on their love language.
For those of you who haven’t heard of love languages let me clue you in. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, called The 5 Love Languages explains how everyone communicates love and receives love in certain instinctive ways. Here are the 5 love languages that are defined by Dr. Chapman.
Words of Affirmation you feel loved when you are complimented, or hear that you are appreciated
Quality Time Together you feel loved when you spend time doing things together, a walk, sharing sporting event or hobby you’re both passionate about
Gift Giving/Receiving you feel loved when you get that thoughtful card, of the gift you have always wanted (mind you they don’t have to be expensive just personal, something that reflects how well they know you)
Acts of Service you feel loved when someone takes care of you, taking care of something that is normally your responsibility, yard work, or cooking you dinner.
Physical Touch you feel loved through physical touch and this is not about sex, but affection shown by hand holding, hugs, kisses, or just cuddling up close in the other’s arms. Remember there are individual preferences for pleasant and irritating touches.
You may be thinking that you communicate in all those ways just because they all sound necessary in a relationship. And yes they all are to some extent, but generally if you look at patterns in your life you will find that you have a primary and secondary way of feeling loved in your relationships. And the way you give love may be different than how you receive it. So to get back on track here, I think most people will look for someone that speaks their love language. Are you looking for someone that’s affectionate, or that is responsible and is willing to help around the house or maybe someone that is willing to do lots of things together with you.
In the song it says Julie is looking for perfection, Angie wants a good listener, Lisa’s list is getting long and the singer just wants a good kisser. After reading quite a few profiles on different dating sites I have compiled a list of characteristics that most women and men are looking for in no specific order.
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Most women want a man with some of these qualities…
Honest, Faithful, Sense of Humor, Loving (caring & compassionate), Intelligent, Responsible & Hardworking (not just in providing but willing to help cook & clean after themselves too), Kind & Considerate, Respectful, Good Listener/Communicator, Willing to Compromise, Reliable (dependable), Attractive (handsome, fit body), Open to new ideas/adventures, Easy Going, Supportive, Passion for Life, Sexual Chemistry (attraction), Relationship with God, Confident, Sincere, Affectionate, Balanced Life, Ambitious, Well Groomed, Unselfish, Gentle Spirit, Sensitive, Best Friend for Life and don’t forget a Good Kisser
Most men want a woman that has some of the following characteristics…
Honest, Attractive (cute face, takes care of herself, healthy & fit body, shapely breasts , long legs and/or nice ass), Loving and Caring, Good Communicator, Faithful and Loyal, Respectful, Independent, Charming, Unselfish, Confident With Her Own Style, Likes to Travel, Personality That’s Friendly and Sweet, Intelligent, Funny (good sense of humor), Sexual Chemistry (connection, spark), Likes Outdoor Activities, Integrity, Trustworthy, Nurturing Mother for Our Kids, Vivacious, Best Friend
As you can see many of the characteristics that each gender is looking for, are the same. Some may be more popular with a specific gender than the other. So as you write up your profiles and what you are looking for in a partner take into consideration what your love language is, and pick out those characteristics that are important to you in a relationship. I suggest you not make the list too long like Lisa did in the song because no one is perfect. We only hope to find the one perfect for us despite their flaws.
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