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Characteristics of a "Good Man"

Updated on May 20, 2015

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Who Determines What Makes A Man 'Good'?

A Good Man is whomever YOU say he is!

The concept of a "good man" is totally subjective. What looks good to me may not look good to you. This is why I laugh at magazine articles and books that try to tell women what they want. Honestly, I don't think any man or woman needs to be told what they should desire in a mate. We all know what we like, though our tastes, desires and needs may change from time to time. As we date different people we learn that what we thought we wanted is not all it's cracked up to be. For example, a woman may want to date a bodybuilder until she finally gets one and realizes that she comes second to his obsessive training schedule. Plus, he won't take her to eat at her favorite Mexican restaurant because they don't serve anything he can eat on his strict diet.

Some of us who have low self-esteem will take anything we can get. We make good men out of monsters and good women out of psychopaths. This is not healthy, obviously. Even with the lowest self-esteem a human can possibly have in life there should be a standard. Every human should have a standard they stick to when it comes to relationships of any kind. The gold standard for any and every relationship is LOVE, HONESTY and RESPECT. These three are non-negotiable for a healthy relationship and should not be compromised. You can build upon your standard from here and add to your list as you see fit but this trinity stays put!

I believe the biggest barrier to finding a compatible mate is honesty. We first have a hard time being honest with ourselves. Then we have a hard time being honest with potential partners. Women are groomed to look for husband-material while men are groomed to look for trophy-material. Now how do these two groups with two totally opposite views of dating come together and make a relationship work? It's simple. They don't. They get in front of a potential partner and tell them the exact opposite of what they want. Why? They're afraid that their needs are unrealistic and won't be met. That is why the business of online dating is huge and steadily growing.

I have actually had guys honestly tell me that they were only interested in sex and did not want a serious relationship. Most women would probably feel disrespected at this point. I didn't get upset. I was rather grateful for the honesty because it allowed me to make an informed decision about him. I have the utmost respect for a man who can verbalize his needs instead of lying to get what he wants. It takes balls. Men have every right to be able to tell a woman what he is looking for in a mate, as do women. Men will say that they lie because women can't handle the truth. I say that men lie because they can't handle the consequences of telling the truth. If a woman stops talking to a man because he wants something from her that she is not willing to give, that is her right. It is not an irrational response. Likewise, if a man stops talking to a woman because she wants something from him that he is not willing to give, that is his right. It is not an irrational response. Just tell the truth and say it with conviction. Stick to what you want and don't change for anyone.

If a man can be honest and tell his date that he is looking to get married soon, he saves himself and his date a lot of time and frustration. If he tailors his needs based on what his date says he is already off to a bad start. His date will be under the impression that they are both on the same page and the relationship is founded on lies. Eventually his real intentions and needs will come out and then his lady will become very upset at his dishonesty and accuse him of having ulterior motives, though the truth is he was just too insecure to admit what his relationship goals were.

Characteristics of a Good Man

This is based on my own personal preferences.


  1. He has a serious, personal relationship with God. Religion is not important. Spirituality is.
  2. He has realistic goals for himself. A 40-year old wannabe rapper... JUST NO! LOL
  3. He is honest.
  4. He gets along well with children.
  5. He is well-groomed and cares about his appearance.
  6. He treats his mother well.
  7. He is respectful toward women and people in general.
  8. He knows how to treat a lady.
  9. He provides for his family.
  10. He can laugh at himself.
  11. He makes me feel good
  12. He is protective of me
  13. He is a good friend
  14. He calls me on my BS!
  15. He takes care of his responsibilities.
  16. He does not procrastinate.

What do you call a "Good Man"?


Comments

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  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 2 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Credence,

    Hi and thanks for reading. Trophy absolutely has a superficial connotation to it. I know that a lot of men want wife/helpmate material but that fact is lost on most people. Girls are taught young that they must be good, look pretty and smell good. All media tells us to lose weight, wear makeup and have big boobs. The same media tells men and boys that these are the traits of a quality woman. A lot of people fall for it. Not all, but a lot. Even a boy's friends will tease him if he shows interest in a girl who is perceived to be a nerd or a geek. Peer pressure will challenge him to find a superficially pretty girl.

  • Credence2 profile image

    Credence2 2 years ago from Florida (Space Coast)

    "Women are groomed to look for husband-material while men are groomed to look for trophy-material."

    I would correct that to say "wife/helpmeet material. "Trophy" has a superficial connotation to it, and may not accurately apply to the objectives of men in general. So who is 'grooming us"?

    I believe that both men and women use substantive values to seek out their mates and companions.

  • Akriti Mattu profile image

    Akriti Mattu 2 years ago from Shimla, India

    Was a pleasure.

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 2 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Thanks for reading and voting, Akriti. :)

  • Akriti Mattu profile image

    Akriti Mattu 2 years ago from Shimla, India

    Lovely Hub .Voted up :)

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Hi Eric. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself :)

  • Ericdierker profile image

    Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

    I have been watching and enjoying this hub and comments. Sometimes you just do good by doing and letting others react, it gets them outside of themselves and into commUNITY

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    You hit the nail on the head. If you're going to search for something you should at least know what you're looking for. Sounds like you've been enjoying yourself exploring new things :)

  • Carlon Michelle profile image

    Carlon Michelle 5 years ago from USA

    Well thought out article. One thing I would add is to know yourself. You can't draw what you want and right for you if you don't know your own likes and dislikes. You mentioned items related to that, true. But I've known and been a woman that wants a rugged outdoor type of guy and never spent time doing outdoor things past a walk in the park. Now I know I like fishing, biking, hikes in the woods and mountains, as well as nature photography. I know this because I have tried each now, enjoyed them and participate in them regularly. Smile!

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Honesty is probably first on my list if I'm being honest with myself. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Laughter sure is beautiful coming from the man you love.

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    He's out there looking for you, too. Don't give up!

  • tjdavis profile image

    Teresa Davis 5 years ago from Moscow, Texas

    I love your hub..great list of what a good man is. I like the honesty portion..that is what I always say..just tell me the truth lol

  • bzirkone profile image

    bzirkone 5 years ago from Kansas

    Good list. #2 might be mixed with #10 .. love a man who can make me laugh .. as long as he is laughing too..

  • Kalux profile image

    Kalux 5 years ago from Canada

    I like your list, it's very similar to my own. Thing is...haven't found him yet.

  • Motherbynature profile image
    Author

    Motherbynature 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

    Ericdierker - Thank you and congratulations to you and your bride for 9 years of love :)

  • Ericdierker profile image

    Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

    Cool, and good for me on my ninth year of dating my bride.