- Gender and Relationships»
Characteristics of a "Good Man"
Husband of the Year
- How To Get Out of the Dog House.
Advice from a woman on how to win your woman back. How to stop an unwanted divorce or breakup.
God, Where Is My Boaz?
Who Determines What Makes A Man 'Good'?
A Good Man is whomever YOU say he is!
The concept of a "good man" is totally subjective. What looks good to me may not look good to you. This is why I laugh at magazine articles and books that try to tell women what they want. Honestly, I don't think any man or woman needs to be told what they should desire in a mate. We all know what we like, though our tastes, desires and needs may change from time to time. As we date different people we learn that what we thought we wanted is not all it's cracked up to be. For example, a woman may want to date a bodybuilder until she finally gets one and realizes that she comes second to his obsessive training schedule. Plus, he won't take her to eat at her favorite Mexican restaurant because they don't serve anything he can eat on his strict diet.
Some of us who have low self-esteem will take anything we can get. We make good men out of monsters and good women out of psychopaths. This is not healthy, obviously. Even with the lowest self-esteem a human can possibly have in life there should be a standard. Every human should have a standard they stick to when it comes to relationships of any kind. The gold standard for any and every relationship is LOVE, HONESTY and RESPECT. These three are non-negotiable for a healthy relationship and should not be compromised. You can build upon your standard from here and add to your list as you see fit but this trinity stays put!
I believe the biggest barrier to finding a compatible mate is honesty. We first have a hard time being honest with ourselves. Then we have a hard time being honest with potential partners. Women are groomed to look for husband-material while men are groomed to look for trophy-material. Now how do these two groups with two totally opposite views of dating come together and make a relationship work? It's simple. They don't. They get in front of a potential partner and tell them the exact opposite of what they want. Why? They're afraid that their needs are unrealistic and won't be met. That is why the business of online dating is huge and steadily growing.
I have actually had guys honestly tell me that they were only interested in sex and did not want a serious relationship. Most women would probably feel disrespected at this point. I didn't get upset. I was rather grateful for the honesty because it allowed me to make an informed decision about him. I have the utmost respect for a man who can verbalize his needs instead of lying to get what he wants. It takes balls. Men have every right to be able to tell a woman what he is looking for in a mate, as do women. Men will say that they lie because women can't handle the truth. I say that men lie because they can't handle the consequences of telling the truth. If a woman stops talking to a man because he wants something from her that she is not willing to give, that is her right. It is not an irrational response. Likewise, if a man stops talking to a woman because she wants something from him that he is not willing to give, that is his right. It is not an irrational response. Just tell the truth and say it with conviction. Stick to what you want and don't change for anyone.
If a man can be honest and tell his date that he is looking to get married soon, he saves himself and his date a lot of time and frustration. If he tailors his needs based on what his date says he is already off to a bad start. His date will be under the impression that they are both on the same page and the relationship is founded on lies. Eventually his real intentions and needs will come out and then his lady will become very upset at his dishonesty and accuse him of having ulterior motives, though the truth is he was just too insecure to admit what his relationship goals were.
Characteristics of a Good Man
This is based on my own personal preferences.
- He has a serious, personal relationship with God. Religion is not important. Spirituality is.
- He has realistic goals for himself. A 40-year old wannabe rapper... JUST NO! LOL
- He is honest.
- He gets along well with children.
- He is well-groomed and cares about his appearance.
- He treats his mother well.
- He is respectful toward women and people in general.
- He knows how to treat a lady.
- He provides for his family.
- He can laugh at himself.
- He makes me feel good
- He is protective of me
- He is a good friend
- He calls me on my BS!
- He takes care of his responsibilities.
- He does not procrastinate.
What do you call a "Good Man"?